[regretful]

Restless sleep is making this depression even worse. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I feel so selfish in this depression.

[Pikku Myy]

Too anxious to focus today... just cycling between anxiety, panic and depression. I dont quite know what to do now

[glok]

Today, a monotone of emptiness.

[thatssomething]

So frustrated with my medicine related instability. I can't keep myself in a good mood for more than a day without flopping back in depression. Also I feel isolated and frustrated with my job.

[flours]

I guess I am okay today. I know this can change quickly but good so far. seen doctor, therapist and a friend. busy day. meeting with my friend was really nice. was just a little slow which probably looked hip/ cool =whatever word you use for that right now.
(bit worried about what therapist said but need to ignore it to stay calm. think I deserve one calm day. need that today. everything else postponed.)

I have been brainwashed to compare myself to other people, and i am trying to break this cycle. - it is destroying me,

today, the notion intruded through my thoughts of 'nothingness' which was a blissful 5 seconds from the time of waking up, and all day I had imploding thoughts which ruined my day, and motivation to be quite honest.

Today I was able to concentrate for about an hour on the acoustic guitar, and understood how to read tabs and this made me feel better, but I was exhausted after one hour's worth of learning.



thank you for the opportunity to post this, it helps to vent!

[tigerlily84]

My boss has been asking me to reorganize most of the things in the office. I think the hardest part is trying to figure out how I'm going to do something (which causes anxiety), but once I have a plan in place, I'm much happier. It's monotonous work, but I somehow I'm finding this type of work calming. It's a change from what I usually do, which is definitely a good thing. So I guess that I'm okay. I hope that it stays that way for as long as possible.

[Juuso]

Well, today has sucked, been trying to think positive about everything but things just seem to be going against me. Since finding this site I've been trying to learn more about everything but the more I read the more I realize how badly I've screwed myself up, and how little options I have left...

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Juustorm

Well, today has sucked, been trying to think positive about everything but things just seem to be going against me. Since finding this site I've been trying to learn more about everything but the more I read the more I realize how badly I've screwed myself up, and how little options I have left...

[triggers]

Originally Posted by George H.

It's over now
We have several or at least one per year. It isn't a big deal... been happening forever. Try not to worry about that.

Thank you! They just hype everything up and since I am so sensitive it really scares me! Do you like astronomy?

[nakitakunai]

I just received some really unexpected, really bad news. Nothing directly affecting me, but it involves a family member, and they don't know about it yet. (Uh, sorry that's so vague.) My mom and I are going to have a talk with this person about it this coming weekend. I don't think I'll be able to eat or sleep until then. My mom will probably be the same way. *sigh* Just when I thought things were starting to look up a little...

[JustTvTroping]

Shook up by some news, but other than that I'm mostly ok. It just seems that even though I'm happier than I've been in a while,something still doesn't feel right. My physical heart still has that weird "heavy" feeling to it, like whenever I get too sad. I don't think I'm missing anything though, let alone having anything to feel sad about at the moment.

[Pikku Myy]

I need a better day so I will not end this misery

[birdpumpkin]

Waking up anxious today, and the dark gloom outside is affecting me, too. I need to figure out why I'm afraid to be alone so I can deal with it. I'm stumped. My therapist is stumped. Yesterday while my husband was at work, my dad picked my son up to take him fishing and said he didn't know when they'd be back, could be dark, and I panicked. After they left I started crying. A specific time would've helped me so much. Hours ahead of me to be alone and not knowing when he would be back really scared me. (I do this when my husband gets called out for work, too, after hours. I panic, get scared he won't come back because I don't know when he will. It's nightmarish for me.) I usually take him with me and visit my parents, but since dad picked him up, I didn't know whether to go ahead and visit mom or not, so I did so I wouldn't have to be alone so long, but I don't really think she wanted me to visit. I can usually tell because she'll say, "You don't have to visit every day..." While visiting, she started griping about my husband - the two of them pretty much hate each other and don't get along. How he's not a good father and never does anything with my son, and that would probably help him a whole lot. She can't accept that with my son's Asperger's, mild mental impairments, and ADHD, that he'll be the way he is. She's always talking about how IQs can be raised and such. Yes, to an extent they can, but as far as I know it's usually in the same range. His IQ of 76 isn't going to raise to the 100s probably. In a way she blames us for his mental problems, which I think is what's behind her griping about my husband so much. What really bothered me yesterday is that she said if she and dad weren't so old they would take my son to raise. I'm feeling all sorts of anger and stress about this and it's not helping my anxiety issues at all. I love my son and don't want them to raise him. Is she thinking, even leaving my husband out of the picture, that I'm that bad of a parent?? I don't know what picture she has in her head, but I'm not liking it. I've had a lot to deal with since our fire - like my therapist said at my first session a couple days ago, my cup is pretty full. I'm easily overwhelmed right now. Just because I haven't worked with my son on his learning since the fire doesn't mean I don't care about him. I do know I need to start back again, but his mental problems aren't my fault!! I started visiting my parents daily after my mom got out of the hospital in May because I wanted us to be closer. I hadn't visited them much since our fire. But mom is quickly falling back to her negative self, and the last couple weeks I've left some visits either really down or upset. I'm quickly remembering why I had slacked off on the visiting. I wish things weren't this way.

[regretful]

When I woke up today I reflected on the number of times I've complained here...then I thought about something I read about trying to go through one day without complaining. I am doing my level best to accomplish that. So far, I have been less anxious. Whenever thoughts of complaints are there, I say something like, "gratitude" and "thankfulness" to myself. I'm sharing with you my thoughts of care, concern and prayer for all that are suffering today.

[tokiwartooth]

I'm getting over being really sick. Now that's nothing unusual anyhow. I can't remember the last time I actually felt good. I'm going to the pdoc on Monday to talk about that. I'm also considering taking some group classes at the mental health center there. On the up side, I have a guy who's interested in me, and me in him, and that's making it a little better. Now if I could stop getting sick long enough to go out with him or something, that would be awesome. But I still am really going to miss Ed. I am gathering the courage to tell him how I feel. I'm going to tell him right before he leaves. If anything, maybe he'll be flattered.

[Juuso]

I'm used to seeing all those quotes people have linked me before, those who don't know what it's really like, but for some reason, one I got today cheered me up a for a little, maybe because of the person who sent it, rather than the message.

As the day went on though, I just ended up back in bed doing nothing, feeling awful. I really need something to get me going..

[flours]

was an okay day.
bit worried about some issues but basically trying to ignore everything upsetting and only focusing on the next 10 minutes.

[TheOriginalMe]

Hot, tired and suspicious. Honestly, I don't know whether I'm paranoid with a small p, paranoid in the clinical sense, or anxious and not processing my reactions well. Without a therapist I'll never know, so I just better get used to not knowing, cos the NHS is unlikely to offer anything more than a box of pills.

I'm about to take my second does of medication since the increase. I have mixed feelings about upping the dose. Here's to hoping that it helps.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[tigerlily84]

Feeling disconnected and flat. Earlier I was full of anxiety. I'm exhausted but I'm pretty sure no amount of sleep will cure that.

[freefallin]

Very lonely. Very worried about moving back in with my abusive sister in under a week. Very depressed. Kinda worried something is wrong with me because I almost passed out at school yesterday. I had an abnormal EKG about a month ago but haven't been able to afford further testing to find out if something is wrong with my heart. Guess I'll try to sleep. I didn't realize I had been laying here crying for so long, but it's 7 freaking 30 a.m. *sigh*

[regretful]

A little irritated this morning, but reading my check-in from yesterday is helping me to focus on complaining less and being more thankful in general. My sincere best wishes to all of you for a good day.

[birdpumpkin]

Woke up shaking as usual. Hoping for a good day but feeling some anxiety in the background. Have been thinking about my fears of being alone and wondering about abandonment issues, so exploring that on the internet here and there when I get free moments. How do you make the fear go AWAY, though??!! regretful's idea is a good one and going to try to use it today. I tend to complain a lot lol...

[flours]

um, not doing anything.
basically seeking distraction. not so successful. I guess it's about time I get something useful to do again. but I'm scared it's going to be triggering. (just doing anything useful!)
so don't really know how to approach that.