[Bark]

Had a great weekend. I wish I could live with them. Feel kind of guilty saying that. But she made me feel useful and helpful and it seemed like she actually enjoyed my company. Back home, I just look at the mess and ask myself why I don't help out more.

A very dull day for me today. I went to church and then before it was over, a friend of mine and I left to go across the street just to sit down and talk. It was nice, but not very long. He had to go back to the church in a half hour to go to a meeting. The best highlight of the day was to pick up some new sox and underwear that I needed.

Very hot and humid today, in which that's pretty unusual at where I live. On hot and humid days, I don't have much energy. I just hung around my place for almost the whole day. Not much going on at home and had not heard from many people. Also, it was very noisy today as there were a bunch of little kids swimming in a small pool at a backyard, which is about next door to me. And then a man at another house decided to trim his bushes; and the trimmer sounded like a chainsaw.

I'll be going on a small bike ride about now. It's nearing the end of the day and it should be a bit cooler. But still uncomfortable. I was not in the mood to go on a long ride today. Boy, this afternoon went by so fast! I'm not used to just sit around and do almost nothing for an afternoon as it was for me today.

[TheOriginalMe]

A typical summer sunday, where I sat out and watched the swallows skimming the ground, swooping, twisting, soaring, flicking from side to side. It made me dizzy (in a good way) to watch them. How those birds get enough energy to do all that from the insects they catch is beyond me. Today life was about the little things and the little things were good.

[tigerlily84]

Emotionally exhausted. I argued with a family member. It seems to be the same argument over and over again. I was able to remove myself from the situation because I started to have self harming thoughts. So I'm staying safe and watching inane reality tv programs.

[Juuso]

Today hasn't been great, I've felt godawful all day and some events with people close to me have kinda made the day really bad. On the other hand, it's also strengthened my resolve to stay alive, for now.

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Emotionally exhausted. I argued with a family member. It seems to be the same argument over and over again. I was able to remove myself from the situation because I started to have self harming thoughts. So I'm staying safe and watching inane reality tv programs.

Originally Posted by Juustorm

Today hasn't been great, I've felt godawful all day and some events with people close to me have kinda made the day really bad. On the other hand, it's also strengthened my resolve to stay alive, for now.

Respect to you both for staying strong and safe.

[TheOriginalMe]

Getting a little anxious right now before a gyn appointment. Just filling in time. I'm probably worrying over nothing, but thinking that I'm worrying about nothing doesn't help because then I worry about wasting people's time.

On the upside the weather is beautiful, not too hot - not to fresh, nice blue sky and a gentle breeze - perfect.

[freefallin]

I'm mostly good, just in a nostalgic funk and hungry. My dad is supposed to come over here tomorrow with his van to bring my bike to his house. I hope he buys me some food while he's here.

[birdpumpkin]

Not a great day... Verbal abuse from the husband before leaving for work. Son may go fishing with dad and maybe even stay all night with my parents, so I'll have to deal with my separation anxiety - and possibly all day and night!! Not looking forward to it. Actually just very tired of the daily struggle of dealing with it all. I know I've not been dealing with things as long as many people here. Our fire was almost 8 months ago. But it's been pretty much 8 months of mental torture daily in one way or another. Just want some peace. Wish I had someone here who understood that I could talk to on days like this instead of struggling with all of it alone.

[regretful]

Each day that I awake, it is a struggle for me to keep my thoughts on those things that are uplifting; depression tries, and often succeeds, in winning by diverting my thoughts to the negative - but as I did on Thursday of last week, I'll do my best to avoid complaining...and with that, I wish all of you even a minute's peace today.

[glok]

Life is an armpit.

[lizzyjb]

Hate burocracy

[Nammu]

no ups, no downs...just hot

[TheOriginalMe]

A good gyn appt, if there is such a thing I know what is wrong, I have a treatment option that is minimally invasive and is likely to sort me out once and for all Now all I need is a date for the proceedure. After the appt was able to relax properly.

[waterknob1234]

I had a wonderful weekend spending time with my son and his girlfriend. She had never been to an Oceanside beach before so we took her to the beach and that was fun. Then today I went back to work, ugh. Back to the stress, pressure, aggravation. Even my friends at work were ugly to me. I just wanted to cry. I wasn't so overwhelmed in a sense though. Its like I have come to just expect my job to be a total disaster.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Today has been awful -- not because anything particularly happened, just because I've been unable to get up or do anything I'm just in this fog. Had to force myself to make dinner for everybody and I don't want any of it. Tried to start a thread on the forum but I just can't. I'm locking up too bad and I can't talk about myself very much.

[Juuso]

I wonder how I managed to get out of bed and do things a few years ago...

[freefallin]

Sad, anxious, lonely...threw up like 12 times last night. Meh.

[regretful]

I'm fighting it..woke up this morning with negative thinking followed by tears. A few moments of private prayer helped to keep me focused on things other than myself...since then, I've been just holding on. I can identify with what Juustorm said above, but my ability to get up and do things was around just 10 months ago. Now, I just exist in this life rather than live it. It's a dreadful way to live.

[bronzeowl]

In a lot of pain. In the midst of a gallbladder attack, I think.

And I still haven't found a way to get the darn surgery. Last resort is emergency medicaid.

I had a pretty decent week. Been with old friends, out of town. Saw Maleficent. It is a very good movie. So, up is that I haven't been totally isolated.

Down.. is that I still feel depressed. I can't shake the monkey off my back. And my friend, I'll call her A, hurt my feelings a bit last night. I try to remind myself that depression makes us all speak without thinking sometimes - even her - but the way she worded what she said made me feel as though I was insignificant and not worth being around for. Of course, I realize that's depression logic. It still hurt my feelings, and I'm still not completely recovered from the blow.

Got heartburn bad today. Stomach is doing all kinds of funny things. Struggling with depression and the ED today, and yesterday.

On another up, I think I might be (finally) selling my last text book tomorrow. I need the money.

[Caseymoff]

I am tired of pretending to be okay, just to keep other people happy. It is such an effort. Every day is hard, and I dread nights. Cry a lot, actually not as much lately, feel kind of dead now. Sleep a few hours at a time, have to try and slip out of bed so I don't wake my husband. He doesn't understand.How can anyone understand if they haven't lived like this?

[dandylin]

Stress. Cleaning and packing and cleaning and packing. Elbow hurts, hand hurts, tired and stressed

[TheOriginalMe]

Apart from my dog cutting her mouth and my feeling dizzy and queasy at the sight of the blood (I've never had problems that way until today) I had a good enough day. I'm still very slow to get going in the morning and struggle with motivation and concentration but most of the self loathing, worthlessness, guilt, anhedonia and sense of futility has gone. So I'll just keep plodding on, pleasing myself and trying not to worry too much. I don't want to fill my life with unsustainable coping mechanisms as I have done in the past. I spend way too much money on things I never use, most of which end up in bags on my bedroom floor. Nice stuff doesn't make me happy, it just fills emotional (and physical) space.

[Nammu]

Started IOP today, one step down from PHP but much herder emotionally than PHP. She was describing how to write the victim impact statement and when it was due, when fear took over my body, the tears started rolling and I felt so empty headed. I seriously comtemplated leaving and not going back but I've got to deal with it or I'm going to be stuck isolating my apartment for years.

[tigerlily84]

Feeling okay today. The car is ready but I won't be able to pick it up until tomorrow. I did dishes today and swept and mopped the floors and took the trash out. And I went to work and did well. Just trying to fill the time by doing small things. Hope everyone else is okay.