A very dull day today. Nothing much happened. Just took a short bike ride today and that was the highlight of the day. I went to the bike shop after the ride because I feel like my bike needs some repairs. I went at 5:30 and it was closed. Someone told me that the shop closes at 5. I thought it was at 6 that they close.

It's a very hot night outside tonight.

[aprillynn197]

Time for sleep. Been a long day

[aprillynn197]

Wish I was still sleepin. Dont wanna start the day.

[regretful]

Terrible weekend, terrible morning...starting to feel like "what's the point?" If depression wasn't bad enough, that evil anxiety is creeping into my life again too...what did I do to deserve this?

[dandylin]

Had a big meltdown yesterday. Trying to explain feelings to DH and getting what seemed like condescending replies. How do you argue with a person who conveniently uses your depression as a tool not to take responsibility for their behavior?

[TheLastChapter]

Broke down last night. Had no one to go to about it. I feel so awful. I had to call my ex just to see if he could convince me that everything was going to be ok. I just wish I could crawl under the covers and never feel anything again. Numbness would be a blessing compared to constantly crying.

[tigerlily84]

I'm sick. I don't even know if this is a cold or what. I'm exhausted and nauseous. I think it might be the flu. And since I bowed out of the family get together on Sunday (for legitimate reasons!), now I have multiple family members being concerned, and asking what's wrong. I just want to be left alone. Why don't they understand that? Am I being selfish? Probably. I know their hearts are in a good place, and I appreciate that. I'm just too tired to have these conversations that would be exhausting even if I wasn't this sick.

I get to start ECT next Monday! Hopefully this will turn my life around!

[TheOriginalMe]

11 hours of sleep, followed by a flat day. Not good, next week I'm due back at work.

The lack of sleep is catching up to me. 5 1/2 hours of sleep a night is not nearly enough. I'm getting a bit moody and always sleepy.

[tokiwartooth]

I went to my Pdoc today and they put me on cymbalta, upped my dose of wellbutrin and that combo will naturally amp up the amount of clomipramine in my system. Keeping my fingers crossed that this combo helps.

[Hellion]

Life is frustrating.

[regretful]

A terrible day filled with anxiety and angry depression.

Tired as heck and working in spite of it. Got too many bills and not enough cash. Might as well get used to that for now.
Otherwise remarkably well.
I cannot believe I've not been depressed in just over a year now!
I missed out on so much life. Ugh. Oh well, I appreciate it so much more now!

[mountainstream]

I'm utterly exhausted.

[Bark]

Tired.

Finding it hard to focus and study. I felt the same way several hours ago.

It's not normal to always have a low level of fatigue, is it? To feel that I could easily take a nap at any point in the day?

Have to study. Can't sleep now. And even if I slept now, I would barely be able to wake up as usual. Like today: slept before midnight, then snoozed my alarm for two hours before dragging myself out of bed at 10 AM.

Must be tiring to hear me constantly complain about being tired. But I worry that if this continues, I'll get further and further behind, and depression will become more and more likely. I'm only taking three courses and I feel like I'm barely keeping up.

Remain very excited - - but definitely somewhat nervous - - about my upcoming ECT. Apparently there was a slight abnormality shown on my EKG results. Hopefully that won't hold up the show, or, worse yet, make it impossible for me to have. Really want to do this treatment!

[aprillynn197]

Just want to give up tired of repeating myself

[healingme4me]

Confliction, the state of worrying whether I am seen as a villainess, the feeling of worry about whether my desires do indeed destroy the parent child relationship. Then I really listen to the nasty words that visciously spew forth from my sons mouth and then I believe again that less is more, reduced frequency may indeed save him from himself, because I am not ready to give up on my son, but I question where he gets the audacity to believe this is appropriate, then I remember his father told him that he's staying out of it, son and I will just have to learn to get along

[TheOriginalMe]

Have had back ache and other aches and pains today. Took some anti-inflammatories and now I have nausea, heartburn and indigestion instead. I still feel low, maybe because of the physical stuff or maybe the physical symptoms are because I'm low, who knows?

Third session with T today. Still no actual therapy, more risk management and getting to know you stuff. Last time every time I said "I feel......" she said "That's a thought not a feeling", so today I tried to say "I think.........", so of course her reply was "Thats's a feeling". Now I both think and feel that I can't win. I am coming to the conclusion that therapy isn't for me, or at least not right now. :: Still I'll carry on until we actually start doing something other than talking about what we will be doing.

[tokiwartooth]

Okay so I'm not sure if the Celexa is causing me to shake but it sure is annoying. Anyone else ever have this problem with Celexa? My arms also feel tired and heavy. I remember this happening the first time I ever took Buspar too. The doc said it'd pair well with my Wellbutrin, and she also upped the dose of Wellbutrin, and the two of them together will naturally enhance the effect of the Anafranil in my body. I feel okay other than my hands are shaky and my arms are tired.

[falsememory7]

Weak. Fake. I'm tired of pretending to be one way in public, happy and bubbly, while internally I'm so unbelievably sad. I've cried myself dry. I wish I didn't lie every time someone asked me how I was, but it's too painful to attempt to tell the truth. I just want this pain to stop. I wish I knew how to make it stop.

[tigerlily84]

I actually got some things done today. I received my disability funds finally so I was able to pay some bills. And I did some laundry and gave my dog a bath. It's been disgustingly hot lately but today wasn't as humid which was a relief.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

I am coming to the conclusion that therapy isn't for me, or at least not right now. :: Still I'll carry on until we actually start doing something other than talking about what we will be doing.

Is it possible that you're ready for therapy, but your therapist isn't a good fit? Do you have a choice of therapist or was this one assigned to you? If I was in your place, I'd feel like no matter what I said I'd be wrong, and so I'd probably shut down.

[mountainstream]

I'm tired and lost.