[flours]

thinking about next week makes me wish I will not be there to endure it
just want everything to stop. don't want to face anything anymore.
want to vanish.

[fluffbuster]

life sucks sometimes, no doubt about it. i don't really know your history - what is happening next week and why is it making you so depressed?

[flours]

nothing special. just next week. normal stuff. some appointments, things I am supposed to do.
I don't want any of this to happen. just want it to stop. don't have energy left. it must stop.
it's just annoying noise that is never going to end.

[fluffbuster]

i don't know how regimented you are in your life. must you do things you're 'supposed' to do? - or are they just things/events you think you're 'supposed' to do?
take the energy you have left and do what YOU want to do. - that may sound absurd you know, i don't know your circumstance. - what is not 'noise' to you? what would you like to do instead of next week.
who knows - suppose you have 8 kids and you are just tired. tell someone you trust that you're tired - then be irresponsible and drive away for 2 days and do something different.

[flours]

if I am alive and want to stay alive and I'm able to do these things then I will have to. just every time I cross the road I hope to get hit by a car so I don't need to care about anything anymore. even if it's just for a while. feeling a strong desire to adjust my physical situation to my mental situation.

[Frankbtl]

Hi flours, just focusing on one day at a time can sometimes be enough/as much as you can do. Sure next week is around the corner but you don't have to "do" next week today.
Sure it can get better as time passes, and with help, but sometimes one day at a time is enough.
So is there anything you can do or focus on that might make today a little better??? Even if that's just talking to us, for now!!

But if next week keeps haunting you, perhaps there are some things you can do now to make some of the things you need to do that tiny bit easier when you come to do them e.g. for appointments just write down some of the things you want/need to say now so as you don't have to think about that aspect until they come, if there's shopping do a list now so as you're not having to remember those things (then put it out of sight as I know it can get you down looking at all the things you've got to get!! ), if you're going to have to get up at x o'clock one day just preset the alarm (on your phone?) now.

And then next week, just try to deal with it in the best way you can as it comes- including ranting to, complaining to, sharing with, reaching out to, expressing yourself to, letting it all out to........us on here!!!



Alison

[flours]

I don't mean I don't know how to do things. -I do. and I do as I am told. whatever people ask me to. I don't care.
I'm tired.

every time I think I've finished all urgent business something new comes up.
life is an unlimited number of horrible tasks that become more and more annoying. and I'm exhausted. it's never going to stop. and it's getting more and more horrible as I realize it's not ever going to stop.
I just want this to end.

my last bit of will is gone.
I'm just a dead piece of meat moved by others.

[Frankbtl]

Hi flours, you might have to tell me if I'm off track here but the............"I do. and I do as I am told. whatever people ask me to", does this include things you don't have to do?? Are there some opportunities in there to say "No I'm sorry but I can't........." in there?? Or even "Yes OK, but if I do that would you help me with......or with........."
You really don't have to be people's "go to" for...........or at least without something in return. And let's face it you probably need help more than some of them, right?? So why shouldn't people help you out a little more??
And the urgent business..........maybe prioritize that a bit?? Like what's really urgent?? And some of that you might be able to make a little easier for yourself maybe e.g. instead of going somewhere will a phone call do?? if you're filling in something not altogether easy maybe a phone call or go somewhere and say "Look, I need help"..........you know things like that.
And if you can schedule in things for times of day that suit you e.g. if there's a time in the afternoon when everything is slightly easier for you go for (insist on, if you need to!!) that time to do things.
But I know even the simplest of things can sometimes seem "horrible" when you're feeling like you do
Just make sure you've got that time to try and "relax"/let some of that go, regardless of what you've managed/not managed and focus on that when you're trying to work through...........
And if you're being moved by others like you're a dead piece of meat, let them know that it's not OK, hey flours??!! Because it's not!!!
Might not work every time but you deserve a voice, you do matter!!!

Alison

[flours]

maybe I cannot explain very well. sorry.
I have to do things on my own behalf. I have to take care of my own life and it's annoying.
I don't care anymore and I just do it because of other people. else I would drop onto the ground and stay lying down.
there is an overwhelming feeling that I don't want to continue. I am exhausted and the idea that this is going to go on forever is devastating.

[Silent Void]

Flours, I know exactly how you feel. Hang in there. Keep fighting even though you don't want to.

[fluffbuster]

life IS annoying sometimes.
but again, i don't know your circumstance.
if its business affairs that annoy you - get out of that business. you may think that is easier said than done - but if it's a job that's getting on your nerves - leave it. but if you think you have to stay because of the money - is that money worth your stress and how lousy you feel?
if its family affairs that annoy you - tell them and maybe if they know they can help you. if they know and they don't care - then maybe you have to leave them too.
YOU really are THE ONLY ONE in control of YOUR life. you make decisions every day that continue what is torturing you. don't follow other people's expectations - follow your own.
yes - it is easier said than done - but you are at the point of self-preservation. suppose you're in omaha and you sell insurance - but really you would be a completely different -and a happier - person if you were in L.A. selling surfboards.
get out of the crap that's getting you down - & if no one likes it - to bad. your kids will still love you whether you sell insurance or surfboards.

[flours]

everything annoys me.

[Blitter2014]

Originally Posted by flours

everything annoys me.

Thats when "carpe dium" comes into play....just live for the moment. In one moment of life there can only ever be one thing your thinking.......