[Ripperjack]

I currently live on the Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia. The Gold Coast is a tropical tourism/retirement area, much like your Miami, Florida in the US. It is also known as "gods waiting room", by the locals, due to the large retirement population that lives here. Seeing how my life is at the moment, I feel like I am in "gods waiting room", just biding time until I depart this mortal coil.

I am 36, no family of my own, still a virgin and spend my time either at work with computers, at home with computers or at my parents place fixing their computer and enduring endless guilt trips to boot. I feel that I am just marking time, no hope that things will get better, no point of existing aside from the "Mr. Computer Fix-it" that everybody calls on to fix their computers, and to be honest feeling like I would be better off not here, taking up precious Oxygen that could be better spent on someone with a descent life.

I really don't see any reason in living any more... I probably won't have any kids, as women hate having to deal with me, so even on a basic biological point of view, I am a failure.

So what is the point?

[(JD)]

I was born in Miami,and I currently live near a retirement village...and associate with elderly a lot. I can see how the morbid air of death can affect your own life.

Do you have a Therapist you can lean on?

Depression tells us lies... that you life is over and not worth living is one (or two ) of those lies. Don't buy into it.

You have worth. You are going through a tough time for a while... it won't always be this bad.

TC

[Fuzzybear]

[Ripperjack]

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_Sky said:Do you have a Therapist you can lean on?

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Not at the moment, but I fear that I might have to get one.

I've only been recently told that my family has a genetic history of depression/MDD and I have inherited my fathers blind rage. So, put those two together with my 6' 4" 250lbs hulking frame, thanks to many long hours in the gym trying to grind away my rage, and you can see I have a potential problem.

With the current changes going on at my work place, which is causing a lot of stress as I am feeling rather inadequate with the crap pay I am on, I fear that I am going to suddenly snap, black out into a blind rage and put someone and/or myself in hospital.