How do you respond when someone asks why you are depressed

I'm tired of people asking why I am depressed. I never know how to respond. I don't have a reason as to why I am depressed. I just am. When asked, how do you respond to the question. The last time I was asked I responded by saying "my brain doesn't work like everyone else's"

You could just remind them or educate them that it's a psychiatric disorder and not a lifestyle choice, that you're not in control of "why" it exists.

Or answering a question with a question can be fun. Why is the sky blue? Why are you wearing sunglasses indoors? (Or maybe something less snarky.. )

I usually stupidly start listing off recent tragedies, and then they don't know what to say about my sad life and it's awkward. I like your idea of a short answer.

Well now, really, why do you feel compelled to answer such a personal question?
If there was actually a short answer don't you think that it follows that there is a short cure? There isn't, and listing the reasons will only bring more unhelpful conversation and ideas of ways to "fix you". Do you want that?

I don't answer this, never have, never will. It is not anyones business and it doesn't show anything other than their poor manners, IMHO.

If I do run across the occasional persistent person, I Always turn it around with, "I can't believe you asked me that!" and then, I change the subject. This is my personal struggle, not a topic for conversation.

Hi emwell2,

It can feel pretty tough being put on the spot like that with such a personal question. Just tell them:

"There's not really a specific reason, it can happen to anyone."

OR

"My brain has a chemical imbalance."

OR

"I rather not answer such a personal question."

OR

"I'm depressed because people ask me stupid questions."...

Don't ever feel compelled to answer questions you don't want to though. But also just remember that people can be quite ignorant on things like mental health, so try not to take it personally if people ask you why, and/or don't understand your answer.

Maybe I should have been clearer. It was my husband who asked me why I was depressed. He deserves an answer. He asks how I am doing a lot and this time I said I was only depressed 1 day in a month. He wanted to know what made that 1 day different.

Oh! That is different. I finally had to come up with a non-threatening response for my H. He needs to hear it is not his fault, and that I don't need him to "fix it" because he is one of those guys that needs to fix things.

I blame it on hormones or other stresses that he won't attach to, that is just me though, I need not to burden him.
He sees it, he gets it, but he can't fix it so it is best for me not to pull him into it to much.

Yeah, he definitelly doesn't deserve snark and bumper stickers and long debunked theories (chemical imbalance).

Just tell the truth if there is any reason, trigger, or plain "it just happens, I don't know why".



I wonder why people feel need to unload to all the snark they have when hearing this question. I read it as "what happened to make you depressed?" not as personal attack.

I usually answer "just life" or truthfully name the reasons why I feel miserable, because often... it has reason.

I truly believe it is something wrong with my brain. Maybe I'll stick with that answer. The one day I was depressed this month was a perfectly wonderful day. I was just depressed. No real reason for feeling that way. I am grateful it was only one day though. That is a big improvement for me.

This is exactly what I think and feel. I don't want him to think I feel depressed because of something he did.

So your personal view of your depression is that its do with chemical imbalance in brain, who ever you heard say that so that that's your reason why you have it. can you prove its to do with that. My understanding is that depression has hidden underlying issues attached to it that we need to pay attention to and its related to stressful negative traumatic experiences and internalised trapped bottled up feelings. Its important to learn and understand what the root causes are or factors that can lead you to have depressive episodes. You may notice negative unhelpful repetitive patterns which can be addressed.

Other than having to tell my doctors? I don't get asked the question. I dare say unfortunately I'm too good at hiding it.

I think my mom has been in denial about me for a very long time, she's made up some image of me that's more capable than I really am. Maybe based on how well I carry on regardless. So she was surprised to find out I was in therapy, but I told her up front I didn't want to talk about why(she still tried to pry a little).

My brother and his wife did me a huge favor in the therapy process, so I gave them the opportunity to ask me anything.

But yeah, other than that, I don't think anyone knows.

I have found that most people have good intentions and are concerned and want to help and that is why they ask. Over the years I have become very open about it. If I tell them the truth that "I dunno it just came out of the blue and hit me like a ton of bricks" they don't find that satisfactory because they are looking for a simple answer that can be easily fixed. To them there has to be some simple cause. This often opens an argument or discussion on the nature of depression. I have had many of them but it is usually not helpful to me. I am just trying to help them understand and it is ground I have covered a million times. If someone sincerely asks out of concern I will answer honestly though and try to avoid the big discussion unless I am in the mood to have it. I don't harbor any ill will if they don't understand or agree. It is risky because I don't want to feel judged or add to the shame I already feel.

You dont have to reply to people to explain yourself if you dont want to.

I generally tell people it's because my brain hates me.

How do people respond to you when you tell them that your depressed because your brain hates you? Cos there's something wrong abnormal with your brain functioning.. Do they react with care and compassion and understanding.. Doubt it. Is evryone else normal then? Do they have a better state of mind, attitude than you all the time? No ones perfect. We've all got strengths, qualities and weaknesses, flaws. Better to focus on the positives than the negatives. People don't tend to like admitting their faults, mistakes or tell you about their insecurities. A lot of people act roles in life, aren't their real self, and appear better than they are.. And are self centered only interested in their own lives, issues.

There was one study where they had person told people they have MI issues and explained reasons behind. People in general showed compassion to "because of things that happened to me" explanation and showed more of fear towards "broken brain":

People ask two questions when you say you have depression.. One is about reason why you have it, what factors led to it..and the other is how long have you had it for, when did it first start. I often tell people its stress related, to do with bullying, abuse, loss, relationship/friendship issues, and about me being sensitive, passive, behaving in self sacrificing, destructive ways.

I tell them it's none of their f***ing business.

People might be genuinely concerned, care and may want to listen and understand about your depression that's why they ask questions. They can't know, tell obviously, what's going on inside your mind or what your life is like.

even friends and family who care about you?

They don't ask me.