[gloamingone]

What are the worst, least helpful, and totally ignorant things people have said to you about your depression?

One thing that bugs me is "Just go take a walk. You'll feel much better!"

Seriously? It takes monumental effort to go to the bathroom to pee! How on earth am I going to be able to go for a WALK????

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[spydermonkey]

"it'll get better"

[Clara22]

"Go to the doctor". I have enormous problems to trust a pdoc because i am very reserved and because there are not many good ones in my city. And because i do not have health insurance right now. In the past i had bad Ts here, as well. While in the US i found a good pdoc, and it took me a while. Since i came back here one year ago, i have not been able to find a good pdoc. I do not want people to tell me why i ve not find a pdoc yet. On the other hand, some people insist on me going to homeopats or chiropractics, i do not trust these two professions, why will i go? I do not want to even try. Because of my disability, in the past, i was sent to many alternative stuff. I went to some of them because of my parents but, Jezz, they all were a waste of money. I just do not have patience for people comments about my disability or depression. I used to have a lot! But now i am on fire, i am tired and irritable. Sorry my English is worse than usual today

[ToeJam]

It's not those terms that get on my goat... bemusement perhaps and if anything I just nod and smile.

It's the hostility that you can get from people that don't understand and decide to stick in the knife as for whatever reason they think you're making it up.

In the UK, there is definitely a mentality amongst some of 'put up and shut up'... which is something I actually do to the best of my ability (in real life interactions that is), but at work for example, the news slipped that I had depression (was signed off of work)... and one particular nasty arse hole has been making snide comments at me left right and centre.

Came to a head about 4 weeks back when I was having a really bad day and my tolerance was low... so I exploded, told him to keep his hateful opinions to himself and what else he could do (use your imagination). Caught him totally off guard as I'm quite passive most of the time... and he went crying to my boss. My boss who knows what's going on just shrugged and said he wouldn't do anything... and essentially told him to 'put up and shut up'... which made me smile.

We haven't talked or interacted since then.

[vantonius]

"seriously, you feeling like killing ur self ? ur stupid! and ur a coward if u do that"
it makes me so mad and upset cause they dont even know how it feels like to have this pain, desperation and suicide thought on my mind over and over again which i would be happy if i can get rid of that

[Altered Moment]

Oh my I could make a long list.
Just go for a walk.
Think positive
Do something nice for someone
On face book recently "Get out there and get active and participate"
Last night "Invite a friend over and don't be so alone"
Exercise and diet
I could go on and on. People try to be helpful and don't know how and want to solve the problem. I am ultra sensitive about getting advice about my depression. Not on these forums however. I guess it is human nature to try to problem solve and fix people. Whereas listening, validating, being supportive, and sharing your own experience is much more helpful.

[Fuzzybear]

Grrrrrrrrr (at people who think we're making it up. .(and "put up and shut up .)

Originally Posted by ToeJam

It's not those terms that get on my goat... bemusement perhaps and if anything I just nod and smile.

It's the hostility that you can get from people that don't understand and decide to stick in the knife as for whatever reason they think you're making it up.

In the UK, there is definitely a mentality amongst some of 'put up and shut up'... which is something I actually do to the best of my ability (in real life interactions that is), but at work for example, the news slipped that I had depression (was signed off of work)... and one particular nasty arse hole has been making snide comments at me left right and centre.

Came to a head about 4 weeks back when I was having a really bad day and my tolerance was low... so I exploded, told him to keep his hateful opinions to himself and what else he could do (use your imagination). Caught him totally off guard as I'm quite passive most of the time... and he went crying to my boss. My boss who knows what's going on just shrugged and said he wouldn't do anything... and essentially told him to 'put up and shut up'... which made me smile.

We haven't talked or interacted since then.

[Altered Moment]

Suck it up.
Pull yourself up by your boot straps
Snap out of it.

[healingme4me]

Are you on something? (no, just in a depressive funk, gawd! Ya know, sluggish, mind somewhere else)

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[Whoaminoone]

After giving birth to my last child, I was having an especially hard time. I had just been to an appointment with my OB and he had just prescribed anti-depressants. I had to stop by my mother in laws before going to the pharmacy and was trying to talk to my husband about my appointment and the prescription I was given. My mother in law interjected to inform me my doctor was a quack just trying to get rich because she had 8 kids and never had depression so "obviously" depression is just an excuse for people to be lazy and whine about life for attention. Since that day, my husband is quick to tell me to quit being a lazy attention seeker if I show signs of being down. I never did fill the prescription that day because my mother in law convinced my husband to year it up because it was just a ploy for my doctor to get his money.

[-jimi-]

"Lot of other people have it worse".

And..? That is supposed to cheer me up? Yea lets think really hard about everyone who is suffering. Man, that can get you down even if you are not down to begin with...

[nakitakunai]

"You need to stop using it [your depression] as a crutch."

The person who said this was belittling me for not having a job yet, and I tried to explain to him that a lot of things that seem easy for a normal person are very very hard for someone with severe depression to do. His response to that was the ignorant statement above. And this was before I even graduated college; school itself was more than I could handle at the time. He went on to imply that it's basically a choice to have depression and that I needed to get over myself and snap out of it. (Side note: I have not spoken to this person since.)

[ToeJam]

Originally Posted by nakitakunai

"You need to stop using it [your depression] as a crutch."

The person who said this was belittling me for not having a job yet, and I tried to explain to him that a lot of things that seem easy for a normal person are very very hard for someone with severe depression to do. His response to that was the ignorant statement above. And this was before I even graduated college; school itself was more than I could handle at the time. He went on to imply that it's basically a choice to have depression and that I needed to "get over myself and snap out of it." (Side note: I have not spoken to this person since.)

You handled that quite well... I'd have probably sworn at them

[-jimi-]

The most hurtful thing wasn't even about my depression (that was severe back then). I had explained to my counselor how bad my depression was, back then I had no life part from suffering, you know the deal, I could not function, think, enjoy... and it had gone on a long time.

She had been away like two weeks, and coming back she explained she had twisted her ankle to the point she had been homebound. She told me it was completely awful and she felt so helpless not being able to do her normal things, and she told ME I could NEVER start to understand the horrors she had gone through.....

Three years severe depression.... two weeks sprained ankle..... yup... hard choice right there.

[Curupira]

From my therapists:

"your faith is a crutch" this was during a time when my faith was the only thing keeping me sane.

"Do you want to be depressed?" when I explained about the various resources I found online to help my significant other understand my depression.

"well you should have seen that coming" when talking about a bad spiral after a particularly stressful visit with a family member

"You just need to try a little harder"
"You just have to motivate yourself"

Those never fail to piss me off. If the answer was that easy I would be rich and started a colony on the moon or something.

[JustZeek]

I have heard just about all of the above from my mom.

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[antisocialbutterfly]

- "I've felt anxious too"
Feeling anxious/stressed and having an anxiety disorder are two completely different things.
- "I feel down too sometimes"
Feeling sad and being depressed to the point where you want to end it are two different things as well.
- "Just get over it"
Sure, why not? All my mental issues are cured now! Thank you so much!
- "You know your thoughts are not real, right?"
Yes, I am aware that my delusions are not real, but it doesn't prevent me from thinking so when the time comes.
- "Nothing is wrong with you, all teenagers feel this way"
Oh, nothing is wrong with me? I AM CURED ONCE AGAIN! WE'LL SEE HOW THAT SAYING GOES WHEN I TURN 20!
- "It's just your hormones/It's puberty"
Cured. Again. No thanks to you. There's a fine line between mental illness and puberty.

Most of these I've heard from my parents. It really does not help whatsoever. There are many more I could list, but these aggravate me more than anything.

One comment about my depression is, "Just get out and do things for others. This depression stuff is just silly!"

I have one comment made to me recently that was the very worst; and it didn't have anything to do with depression. It had to do with sexuality. A friend of mine came over to my place. He is 78 years old, much older than me. He's gay (even though he's been married for over 50 years). I only like him as a friend and that's all. He doesn't get it that I'm not attracted to him. So at one time, he made a move on me to touch me. I got right up and walked away. And then he said, "oh gee, you are really cold!" I don't like to think of myself as that, even though I am presently not successful in having a relationship. If I were attracted to someone, I would not have backed away at a moment like that.

I would say that what he said was much worse than any of the depression suggestions that I ever got!

[musicalpoet]

This question couldn't have come at a more perfect time. My son came at me with a barrage of those ridiculous statements, commands, demands...whatever you choose to call them. "Get with it. Get outside. Do something fun like ride a horse. Snap out of it...!" I was in tears by the time this was over. I told him to take a look at all the reading material I had pertaining to Major Depression and find the treatment of snapping out of it mentioned.
I was so hurt by his cruelty yet at the same tried to understand his frustration. But I will say, when one does not understand the etiology of mental illness or its effects on us, then it is best not to say anything in regards to treatment. Perhaps a kind word is all we need. Perhaps a hug. But let's leave it at that. Pounding us with demands only compounds our stress and triggers our depression more so.

[TheOriginalMe]

It's just a phase............hmmm well this phase has lasted over 30 years
What do you want me to do about it?..................that was from a doctor
You've been on meds for 2 years, aren't they working?...........words of wisdom from my boss
You've been on meds for 2 years, why aren't you better?........more words of wisdom from my boss
I know you've got problems & I don't want to make an issue of this, but your performance is acceptable ...... yep my boss again (btw I just don't get that, if my performance is acceptable then I'm doing OK right?)

[Alone91]

Your fine. I'll talk to you later.

[Hellion]

'Try Harder' well f*** you I am sick of that, if people can' accept that some people don't operate the same way they do then they can go f*** themselves...sick of trying to be civil to people. I mean f*** if I smoke a cigarrette outside I do it away from the entrance where it is not nessisary to walk your f*****ing 5 year old child right by my smoke and give me a dirty look for caring to go out of the way to smoke so people such as herself don't need to walk their child right trough my ciggareette smoke to give me a dirty look. Its liek 'hellow keep you're f****ing toddler away from me otherwise don't ***** cause I am smoking 50 feet out of the way of the door.

[niceguy]

Plenty more fish in the sea- well maybe, but if they made that exact person, it would work. Since they don't- um shut-up!!
(Not directly related to depression - but just **** advice lol)

[snarkydaddy]

and she said... "You're the worst thing that has ever happened to me."