[itspeaks]

Tomorrow I am going to talk to a counselor for the first time. Well, it isn't really the first time I guess. I went to a counselor when I was in 1st grade, but it's not the same. All I did was play with toys and draw pictures. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the talking part. I've never really been good at opening up and talking. I'm so scared of what people will think. Every time I do open up to someone, they don't understand what I'm trying to say or they don't respond in the way I'd hoped they would. Or they just tell me I'm wrong. My mother does that a lot.
Anyway, I'm really nervous.

[Destroy0sense]

hey, were like two peas in a farout pod !..! i know exactly what you mean I'm not real good at opening and talking either nor am i good at punctuation marks lol but everyone has there own way of saying things and expressing themselfs it really doesn't matter how those people think of you your just another person to them 1 out of like 65 billion there more worried about what you think about them then you are worrying about what they think about you

[Boopers]

I wish you luck itspeaks. Maybe if you write down the questios before hand and go over them in your mind, might be a way to help you prepare.
Just don't pretend there is nothing wrong when you talk to your T. They understand that there are problems or you wouldn't be there in the first place.
Again, I am sooo proud of you!!
Starting a new journey in you life. It may be scary but you can do it!!
Hugs,
Boopers

[Boopers]

I wish you luck itspeaks. Maybe if you write down the questios before hand and go over them in your mind, might be a way to help you prepare.
Just don't pretend there is nothing wrong when you talk to your T. They understand that there are problems or you wouldn't be there in the first place.
Again, I am sooo proud of you!!
Starting a new journey in you life. It may be scary but you can do it!!
Hugs,
Boopers

[Talulah]

Hi, I can understand that you're nervous. Don't worry, go in and just be you. It should be a place of safety and trust. To be honest, it may take time to build that so the first several sessions will be just some questions so you and the counselor can get to know eachother, and see if it's a good "fit" for you both. Don't get worried, if they are good at what they do, they can help ease you slowly until you're ready to share more of yourself. Let us know how it goes, and remember, this is just for you....so do what feels right.

[itspeaks]

Well, it went okay.
I guess I have depression and anxiety.
I have to go see a psychiatrist to get anti-depressiants and I have to continue counseling. I have an appointment on Wednesday.
This makes me feel... I don't know.

[itspeaks]

I went to my first counseling session today. It wasn't very good. We just talked about school, but my mother was there. I really do not feel comfortable talking, even when it's little things, infront of or to her. Whenever my counselor would ask me a question and I'd answer, my mother had to put her two cents in (which is usually the opposite of what I have to say). Then, on the way home she yelled at me the whole time.
My counselor said that since I don't have the motivation or desire to go to school right now, it would be better if I just dropped this semester (I've already missed almost 2 weeks). My mom just thinks that I'm lazy and quote a "*****."
I hate when she acts like she knows exactly what I'm feeling and thinking. She has know idea what goes on in my life.
I've gotten so good at keeping secrets.

[Talulah]

I'm so sorry for the way your mother talks to you. It seems so confusing how a person who should be our biggest safe-haven is often the one we want so desperately to free ourselves from. No mother should ever say such hurtful things. It reminds me of my relationship with my mother when I was younger, now as an adult I really have to take her in small increments and that's the great thing you can look forward to someday. The day will come when you have a choice to see her or not, you will feel better then. For now, don't take those hateful words to heart, they will disintegrate your soul and you need that soul to live a happier life and to protect you in the future. Know that what she says is a reflection into the person SHE is, not the person YOU are.

Is there any way your t will meet with you privately? You may feel so much more relief and be able to open up more in a trusting environment.

Stay strong.

[cajun]

Glad you got something positive out of your session. Maybe you can do a 1 on 1 session and feel better about opening up. I'm really hoping that this will help you. You deserve to get the life back that was stolen from you. Keep us updated. We are thinking about you. I want to see a smile one day. Sincerely, Cajun

[itspeaks]

They are one on one sessions, my mom was just there so we could discuss my school situation I guess.
Most of the time I don't listen to what she says to me, but a person can only take so much.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((( itspeaks ))))))

[itspeaks]

My next appointment is on Valentine's day.
lol

[cajun]

Wishing you strength and courage to get past this. Thanks so much for staying in touch. *says prayer for itspeaks*

I'm so glad you'll be having private sessions now. I think you'll come to like having someone to talk with confidentially about anything you want to talk about.

From your description, I can sure understand why you were not feeling willing to talk while your mom was in the room. Now it is all yours and you won't have to have that worry as a distraction.

Keep going. And I hope you feel better soon!

[Talulah]

Yes, keep going.............

We are all here to nudge you along if you need it. I hope you find a comfort zone soon.

[itspeaks]

Thanks.
I'll let you know how everything goes.

I am so tired right now, but I am way behind in my homework.
Blah.

[itspeaks]

I'm going to see the psychiatrist today to get anti depressants.
After that I'm going to see my counselor.
Last time she made me draw my self portrait.
It was awful, I hate drawing infront of people
and it didn't really help that she was just watching me
quietly. Blah.

[itspeaks]

I am on
Celexa
and
Trazodone.

[Talulah]

I'm glad you're taking steps to ease your depression. The meds can be a tough choice, but I feel sooooo much better and well equipped to do talk therapy as well. They may take a bit to work so don't give up and just be diligent....

I take lexapro, but hear many ppl like celexa. Hope it works for you, I'm so glad you did this....

Take care of you