[Rose76]

Much improved today.

[SeekerOfLife]

I feel rather embarassed at how my emotions fly wildly about. In one day I have had the following: dread, panic, restlessness, mindfulness, bored, mindfulness, peace, joy. And the day is not yet over. Is this normal for a human, or typical for "emotional illness"? Anyone feel free to comment.

[TheOriginalMe]

Today we had 6 hours of sun, seems like the first time in about a month. I spent 2 hours outside and another 2 hours driving so I made the most of the good weather. In the week it is dark when I leave the house and dark when I get home, so it will be friday before I get to appreciate daylight again.

[waterknob1234]

I have had such a nice Thanksgiving holiday, but I have to go back to work tomorrow and I dread it. I already have more work to do than I can handle and they are piling more stuff on. Then with all the stuff I have to do on Christmas holiday season- its too much.

Nobody really understands me. I don't know, I just don't know. I've had enough.

[regretful]

Like most days, this depression feels like an enormous hindrance. This morning I realized that I've been suffering with this illness since at least 2009, and maybe before. This is no way to live...

[lonely-and-sad]

I agree with you regretful it is not living. My first major episode was in 1991 but I was clearly depressed before that. I have tried a lot of things and although anti depressants work I can't take the side effects. I have spent most of my time since 91 in depression. I chose sad and lonely as that has been my life in recent years.

[regretful]

Originally Posted by lonely-and-sad

I agree with you regretful it is not living. My first major episode was in 1991 but I was clearly depressed before that. I have tried a lot of things and although anti depressants work I can't take the side effects. I have spent most of my time since 91 in depression. I chose sad and lonely as that has been my life in recent years.

The only thing that anti-depressants are doing for me is making me unable to "feel" anything...and making it very easy for me to pack on the pounds. When I look back on my life, I know that I've spent more of it not depressed, and with that, I have a glimmer of hope.

[favoritefountain2]

My daily check in today - I seem to be feeling happier, and oddly this has me concerned. I feel like I'm jumping between great days where I'm full of energy and happy, and depressed days where I feel low, down, and super depressed. I'm not sure why that is. Yes, I have triggers, and yes they get fired - but what is causing the extreme swings?

[angelene]

So down and I wish I could've cancelled my pdoc appointment today. But I've cancelled the last two, so I can't "get away with" not going. I don't want to get ready, I don't want to leave the house...

Can't explain very well how I'm feeling today... Well, I'm depressed, of course. But now I notice, ever since this morning I've been feeling something like grief. Last night I had a dream that I was crying for someone gone, and in the dream the feeling of grief was so real and so deep it seems to have carried over into my waking life. I feel like sobbing, but I physically can't. I really don't get why I feel this way.

Who am I grieving over? No one has died.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Can't explain very well how I'm feeling today... Well, I'm depressed, of course. But now I notice, ever since this morning I've been feeling something like grief. Last night I had a dream that I was crying for someone gone, and in the dream the feeling of grief was so real and so deep it seems to have carried over into my waking life. I feel like sobbing, but I physically can't. I really don't get why I feel this way.

Who am I grieving over? No one has died.

I have had this happen. The emotions in the dream carry over into consciousness.

[angelene]

I complained about having that psych appointment and it turns out a) it was cancelled but I missed the message left on my land line's voice mail and b) I really wanted the pdoc to see me in such a horrible state...
In addition to today's cancellation, they told me my T is out on sick leave until next year.

[TheOriginalMe]

This year has been rough and I've just had some bad news about my job.

[Rose76]

Demoralized.

[Turtlesoup]

Seems like a lot of us are struggling today-my mood is still definitely down & we spent most of today at the SF VA-my husband is going to have to have surgery on his shoulder-this will be his 3rd in 1 1/2 years-so down about that. My anxiety has been at me today as well & I left the house without my prn meds-bleh-rainy here again-hope tomorrow is better-hugs to all

[hope2010]

Originally Posted by Turtlesoup

Seems like a lot of us are struggling today-my mood is still definitely down & we spent most of today at the SF VA-my husband is going to have to have surgery on his shoulder-this will be his 3rd in 1 1/2 years-so down about that. My anxiety has been at me today as well & I left the house without my prn meds-bleh-rainy here again-hope tomorrow is better-hugs to all

I am sorry about your husband, I can relate to you because mine has to go through this Thursday another MRI to see if his pneumonia is back

I am worry sick about his condition, I know that worry about it will not solve the problem and that is not good for me, but what can I tell you, am worry, am realistic, and I know that my anxiety is so high because of our health issues, both of us are not well. I am depress again, blah ...

I wish just for one day to feel fine, without joints pain, without the panic attacks, the crying all alone, the worries that I had have learned how to cope in the past and now I can't even calm down with out a Clonazepan.

So, Yes! Seems like we need a nice break

Best wishes for all, hugs

[Shriveled Muse]

I feel like depression made me stupid and dulled all my skills. I literally can't understand this article that I'm trying to read and I can't perform nearly as well as I used to. But then again, am I just making excuses for my incompetence?

[paperwings13]

Originally Posted by Shriveled Muse

I feel like depression made me stupid and dulled all my skills. I literally can't understand this article that I'm trying to read and I can't perform nearly as well as I used to. But then again, am I just making excuses for my incompetence?

I feel like that to. Like depression has made me stupid. It can fog cognitive abilities and apparently losing concentration and processing skills are common. It's infuriating and frustrating; and I HATE it. So I can sympathize with you. I try to drink tea and relax, then go back to what i was studying. Getting frustrated only makes it harder.

[paperwings13]

I was doing well, but got into a down mood with the holidays. I ended up sleeping nearly about 12+ hours yesterday, and Sunday is a blur because of excessive sleep. I get so mad at myself for giving into sleep and not don't anything. I missed a few days of medicine too because of the holidays and my doctor was unreachable, and of course my script would run out the day before thanksgiving. I'm hoping that's all it was. Because I really hate sleeping the day away.

[kultking]

I'm feeling slightly better...Really hoping I stay like this (or get better) for the whole day, I'm tired of feeling down.

[regretful]

It's one of those reflective days in which I get caught up all too often. So many missteps and bad decisions...depression looms so largely in my life...

I am unlovable. I don't even see the point in going out and trying to make friends, as I'm already sure that no one my age will want to be friends with me. Let's not even mention the impossibility of me ever having a romantic relationship... I just feel I don't have anything anyone would want, physically or otherwise...

[Rose76]

Depressed.

[Turtlesoup]

So I wake up & it's raining-covered up my head & decided I would stay in bed. Then (of course) my OCD starts kicking in-it's been a little quieter lately-looping thoughts driving me whacko. So I got up & told my husband it's going to be a low functioning day. Just gonna try to go with it & not fight it-I didn't sleep well last night so that's part of why I feel so crappy.