[Bark]

It used to be easier to figure out my mood. Now it feels like I have moments where I'm hyper and moments where I'm depressed. I'll just realize all of a sudden how I'm feeling. Optimistic or suicidal? Feeling like I'll be able to get things done or like it's hopeless? It's not extreme highs and lows, I don't think. Doesn't last long enough. Not sure what to think of it. Definitely doesn't feel stable though.

I was planning to sleep but now I don't feel like sleeping. I guess I'll just get ready for bed and then relax with music. Music comes after preparing. And if I'm tired by then, perfect.

[Hopeinnyc]

I've been out on short term disability for over 6 months now. My doctor took me off my SSRI that I've been relying on since my early 20s. I can't function. Any advice? This is human torture. eek.

Originally Posted by Hopeinnyc

I've been out on short term disability for over 6 months now. My doctor took me off my SSRI that I've been relying on since my early 20s. I can't function. Any advice? This is human torture. eek.

The only thing I can think of is get a different doctor, or tell this one what you are going through. What was the reason to take you off of the medication?
Most doctors know that there is withdrawal and would tell you to taper down or something. Hugs, hope you get help

Why is it that as soon as I think I'm doing a bit better I soon come crashing down?

So, they're not breaking up, which relieves me so much...
But it'll still be a long time before things are ever okay again.

[TheOriginalMe]

Had a day where I was able to take a bit of control. I've got past the active sui thoughts, although they are still niggling away in the background I'm not scared of myself anymore, I feel safe again. Idk how long it will last and I can feel that I'm getting anxious now about my pdoc appointment on Friday.

One big UP is that I have done a month at work now, and I've got a week off.

[waterknob1234]

My stupid insurance forces me to use a terrible mail order pharmacy. If I want to use my local Walmart pharmacy I am forced to pay a fortune for some of my medications. The mail order pharmacy refused to refill my stomach medicine. They insist I ordered 90 day supply in September which is not true and they have their records mixed up. I am going to have to call my doctor and get this medicine at the local drugstore and just pay more for it. So irritating. Long and tiresome day.

[tigerlily84]

Today was a better day, and was the first time in I don't know how long when I didn't have to force myself to focus. I hope this continues.

[Solipsist]

Having a down day... I think the sudden change in weather to cloudier and cooler temperatures may have some affect on this.

Hitting my head against the brick wall trying to accomplish things. Stayed in bed today. Ate some cereal, some candy (Mom sent me a care parcel), water. Read and slept.

Got up around 8:30, hit the grocery store for some healthy things. Drinking juice now. Doing laundry. Soon to take a shower and eat proper supper (spaghetti, i think). So, at least i got out of the house. That's something.

[Rose76]

Awfully low, but hopeful because I've been successful for months now in turning the lows around. I know I can't just curl up on the couch and expect to feel better. For now, though, I'm basically just curling up.

My care-giving role is getting more and more challenging, and I don't feel up to it lately.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Hopeinnyc

I've been out on short term disability for over 6 months now. My doctor took me off my SSRI that I've been relying on since my early 20s. I can't function. Any advice? This is human torture. eek.

That almost happened to me once. I just went to a different doctor to get the medicine I needed. I believe patients should have a say in med changes (a big say.)

[regretful]

I woke up today in utter disbelief that this is really my life...I can't stand it...I feel like such an utter failure. I think about my dad, who was a great inspiration to me, and I know that he was not this insecure and afraid at this point in his life...I feel like there's not an stopping this depression...

[eaglegrafix]

I am hoping that today is more bearable than yesterday which was a real sinker. I hit several freeze points and was unable to progress through the task at hand without a great deal of difficulty. I went home after work and just went to bed. Maybe today will be better - I just do not know what more I can do between now and when I start with a new pdoc in about three weeks. It seems to be my only hope that I can be reevaluated and maybe find meds that will start working for me.

[Bark]

I'm cycling like a bicycle on a treadmill. I had dinner with a friend. I was "normal", then I just slipped into a deep depression. I was walking slowly, talking slowly, feeling horrible. Then while I was sitting with her afterwards, all of a sudden, I wonder why I'm feeling down. Before I know it I'm talking fast with newfound energy, which lasted all of five minutes or less. Then I crashed. Now I'm wondering why I was feeling down.

I'm tired of this up and down. I'm exhausted from it. I have an exam I've barely started studying for tomorrow. I can't afford it. I don't want to postpone my exam.

Bah. I guess I'm not hyper right now, just frustrated. Although who knows....

Why don't I study? Good idea! No, really. I still have time!

See what I mean? I'm feeling fine, though!

[Bark]

Eh, forget what I said. Stupid....

Have to study... I don't want to....

I'll just shut up.

[tigerlily84]

I had a ton of energy yesterday. My mind was racing and it was like I could not get things done fast enough. I had a hard time going to sleep because of it even though I was physically tired. This morning I had the same restless energy. I thought it would be a good idea to make pasta, get my lunch ready, drink my coffee and wash the dishes all at the same time. And yet I was and am currently exhausted. What the hell is going on? I'm crashing now and it's awful

[Bark]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

I had a ton of energy yesterday. My mind was racing and it was like I could not get things done fast enough. I had a hard time going to sleep because of it even though I was physically tired. This morning I had the same restless energy. I thought it would be a good idea to make pasta, get my lunch ready, drink my coffee and wash the dishes all at the same time. And yet I was and am currently exhausted. What the hell is going on? I'm crashing now and it's awful

Sounds like it could be medication-induced hypomania. You're taking an antidepressant, yeah? Best to let your doctor know.

**** fell apart again last night. Just when my mom and I were starting to come to terms with all that's happened this past week... My dad gets a pint of whiskey in him and then all hell breaks loose and it's back on. Kept saying last night that he would run off with my aunt again if given the chance. He then pulled a very nasty 'joke' on us (that only he thought was funny). Kept calling my mom ugly and saying my aunt is cute. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Just when my mom was getting herself back together, doing more things around the house, he pulls this **** and now she's a mess again. Who put this curse on us?

[Rose76]

I just have to get through the next week, or so. I feel lousy, but it will pass. Just dreading my s/o having a family member come visit. This is the worst I've felt in over 6 months.

[mulan]

Brr. I am shivering. Psychologicaly and physically. Too many new and long social situations today and I'm feeling stressed like this. I need to find a way to stop this.

Got bloodwork done today and see if my thyroid is functioning normal, likely is the same, they have a wide range of normal scale... I'm just tired and not as anxious or depressed. My doctor is impressive. He sees I need more refills for my thyroid, tells me to go get my blood test done first, which I did, but doesn't tell me he goes on vacation the next day so how does he order me new medication based on my results? I guess some just are too busy... but sheesh.... so the pharmacy will give me some, even she gave me a bit of hard time, "hold please".. while she checks if its okay with the pharmacist....I've had the same darn medication for over 20 yrs and its not a narcotic or something... "okay I guess we can give you a refill".....really, will you, or should I just stop taking something that my body depends on for living while I wait for my doctor to get back from his vacation... ha.

[TheOriginalMe]

No real anxiety today and only moderate depression, this despite it blowing a storm outside. I get really frightened by wind these days. I'm wondering if some of my current problems with depression and anxiety are related to PTSD.

Four years ago I was in a car accident, not my fault and no serious injuries, where another car shunted me across the path of a big truck that missed me by inches. The weather had been very stormy that week and I know that is when I developed my fear of wind. I didn't get chance to process how scary the accident had been because the insurance claim turned into a nightmare.

[hope2010]

I am very busy lately, Doctors appointments here and there for my husband, am not well, everyday is a big challenge for me, I have to take care of him, I want to take care of him more then anything and I just have to be so sick, physically and mentally.

I still driving, getting him to his appointments, worry all the time that am not going to make it ... tomorrow we have a very early appoint. not my forte. I am thankful for this threat and all your support. Hugs

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by Bark

Sounds like it could be medication-induced hypomania. You're taking an antidepressant, yeah? Best to let your doctor know.

I didn't know that could happen. I'm so ignorant lol. Yes, I'm definitely going to let her know. My next appt isn't until Dec. 2nd though. Do you think I should call her office and tell her? It's happened a couple of other times before, but I can't really remember the details. My memory is terrible these days.

Once I crashed at work, I was extremely anxious by the sheer number of foot traffic around my desk. The type of job I have requires that I am basically chained to my desk and can't leave unless for breaks and lunches. This does wonders for my anxiety as you can imagine.

[pacots]

My depression is so bad the worse its ever been, thought I was dying today Been putting off calling for help but this time I crashed. I am going into the hospital tomorrow I dread it,but I see no other way. It was not easing up at all which I was hoping for.