[nowheretorun]

If life came with signs, the one I'm looking at now has flashing lights and orange cones all around. I feel like my car has three wheels and no headlights driving in the rain at night... CRAP

I've been on a leave of absence from work while being transferred to a new location for the last two weeks. I thought I'd take advantage of the opportunity to elevate my situation into a more lucrative position and applied for work with another company while I waited.

My employer was very accomodating and has given me a lot of leeway in time to recieve an answer on a job I'm very interested in. Getting this job means an increase in pay, improved living situation, a stepping stone in my career, and because of the higher income, several other benefits personally including being able to spend more time (which is nearly 0 now) with my significant other.... So there was a lot of hope in getting the job...

This place did a through background check on me. I'll be the first to agree with anyone my past is hardly something I'm proud of. Still, they were impressed enough with my qualifications and references to draw me back for a second interview. I was grilled about every regrettable act in the past 25 years...

I was thanked for my willingness to answer their investigation and told I had "responded satisfactorily." What the hell does that mean anyway? They said I should hear from thm in a few days. That was last Wednesday.

Today I allowed the thought that I wouldn't recieve the job to enter my otherwise optimistic mind. CRASH !!!!!!!!

I'd felt good for the changes I've made, the struggles I've overcome and it's been a long, hard road... What does it seem to matter? I think I've created my F*&$%ing destiny and I don't see the point so clearly right now about what I could ever hope to accomplish... I just feel like giving up, but I know I won't. Just sucks this freaking disease has stolen my life away....

I'm so angry, so sad, feeling hopeless... Hope some of my friends can help me out with some encouraging words....

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{{Darrel}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry about all this hun but please think of all that you have accomplished the past while ok? You have turned it around for the better. You are a stronger person because of you and what you have done.

Just keep thinking good thoughts ok? It isn't quite a week yet so I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

xoxo


Heather

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Darrel}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You'll get the job if it is meant to be. If you don't get it, then there is something better out there for you, and who knows where or how or when it will show up. Think of it as an adventure! I'm even listening to myself on this! I have so many people feeling sorry for me that I probably won't get into graduate school this year, but I do have lots of ideas what I could do with another year. There are lots of books I want to read that I wouldn't have time for, lots of wool to process, and I've even been threatening to write a book. We'll just see what happens.

Yeah, maybe our pasts have been a setback, but we've also gained lots of experience from it. If we hadn't been through what we have been through, our lives would probably be very different from the way they are now. Who's to say it would be for the better? You're on the right track now and that's what counts.

Wendy

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>

[(JD)]

Gee, it's only Monday. (gads, did I say that??) Anyway, remember the wheels in a company usually turn slowly...

as for the satisfactory answers GOOD FOR YOU! If they had been totally turned off by the background check, you think they would have bothered to call to ask you to explain? I don't think so.

Hang in there...

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[dexter]

Like Sky said I wouldn't worry about the "satisfactory" answer and in fact I think that is hopeful. All your other qualifications were obviously good enough for them to call you back in... it is likely policy to give interviewees a chance to answer about their past but unlike the "regular" interview they are probably only trying to decide if it is OK to let those things from the past slide. Therefore there might only be two possible responses to that second interview: "satisfactory" or "unsatisfactory." And if that is the case you did the best you can do!

Of course nothing is guaranteed... but I don't think the "satisfactory" response is a reason for specific concern.

Good luck with this and I hope it goes well!

------------------------------------
-- http://www.idexter.com

[SeptemberMorn]

"One door doesn't close but that God opens another." I haven't heard that door slam shut yet, Darrel.

You're in my prayers.



<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Peanut61]

Hello my friend. The thing I've notice most about you, besides your exceptional intellect, is that you are very capable of real change.

I witnessed it last year over the course of time, and I was SO IMPRESSED.

I have received a great deal from the fact that you exist. Can that be part of 'the point'?!!

With most sincere respect and affection, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[nowheretorun]

ty (((((((((((((((((( heather ))))))))))))))))))))) Your fingers are appreciated

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[nowheretorun]

(((((((((((((((((((((( Wendy ))))))))))))))))))))))))

I just know you'd be cool to meet in person some day, Utah's so close I could almost throw a stone over there...

Yeah, an adventure... you're right. I'm not at the end of the book yet am I?

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[nowheretorun]

Thanks S.B.D. ............

Yeah, you're right, guess I have to think satisfactory is a lot better than unsatisfactory... For awhile there I guess I started thinking I was as good as anyone else til all that past was brought up... * tries to shake it off *

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[nowheretorun]

Thanks dexter and good points to consider... let the dark side take over didn't I?

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[nowheretorun]

Well, maybe someone else deserves it more than me.... Maybe some other person came in with an even more pathetic story and they decided to help them instead... In that case, I hope they love it and it is the break they've needed....

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[nowheretorun]

((((((((((((((((((((( Peanut ))))))))))))))))))))

If there was an award for saying the right thing at the right time.... TY for answering and I will try to consider what you've said... If you've received anything from my existence then I'm glad I was here.... hope I've given even a small portion of what you give to all.....

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[PlanningtoLive]

Nowhere, from the time I've known you, I've discovered an exceptional person. If, and the keyword is IF, they are foolish enough to pass you by, it is their loss.

You have been such a help here on the forum and to me numerous times............I owe you a "thank you".

Mary Alice

[Rapunzel]

I'm like 20 miles from the Colorado border, actually, so throwing a stone over there isn't unimaginable. You might even be in my phone book.

Hang in there, Darrel. Maybe you will get the new job, and maybe you won't - you'll find out soon enough. Whichever way it turns out will be what's right for you. No, you're not at the end of the book yet! Don't you wish that you could peak ahead and find out if it turns out okay? Don't worry - it will.
((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
Wendy



<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>

[nowheretorun]

Do I ever wish I could peek ahead ----- You've reminded me of the power of belief and the magic of cycling our own fate. Of course if I direct the text positively it would end up positively, how could it fail to?

Maybe I'll drive over there and pick up one of your goats.... I'm too lazy to mow the lawn

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[LadyDragus]

Darell, the little time that i have known you, you hve taught me to be more invlvoed in my own life..

you hve been a very good freind and someoen I could count on when I needed someone to chat with.
I have fiath in the person you have become over the last year..
If they pass on you, it will be there loss, not yours .. You may find a better postion in the job you hvae, and hey you never know you may be even happier at this one..

He works in mysterious ways, we are not supposed to ask why, just when, will we understand, his path that he leads us down.



<font color=blue>
Darkness all around
Darkness is my freind
I will let it overtake me this time
Cause I no longer belong....

[nowheretorun]

((((((((((((((((((((((( Mary Alice ))))))))))))))))))))))

TY so much for your encouragement and kind words... I like your attitude. To heck with 'em then.

It was kind of a first for me to see a depression coming and do something to avert it. Normally I would wait like it was a hurricane and just do the repairs afterwards. What a difference it makes to have the kind and very caring support from everyone here.

What you've said inspires me... there is a better place for me, I am worth it, I do deserve it...

Hoping everything is good for you sweetie

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[nowheretorun]

((((((((((((((((((((( Lady )))))))))))))))))

You've never failed to give me support and encouragement and very kind words. I've seen how you are so much to so many here and I hope you will take time to soothe your own heart with the kindness and wisdom you bring. I can't imagine the number of people you've been an anchor for. Give yourself some love lady

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

[Fuzzybear]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Darrel}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love ya,
Fuzzy

[LadyDragus]

Once again, you show me your honor, and yoru insight into my life that i do not see. But thank you. Ever so much Darell..

thank you ever so much..

<marquee> (((((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))) </marquee>
<marquee> I love you with all my heart </marquee>

<font color=blue>
Darkness all around
Darkness is my freind
I will let it overtake me this time
Cause I no longer belong....

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{Darrel}}}}}}}}

I knew there was a reason for us to connect again....it's funny how life works . We are all here for you.

Take special care of yourself.


Heather

[alm15]

Hi Darrel. I'm sorry you're hurting. It's so hard when I have to talk about or justify my past, especially to someone I'm not close. I've been unable to work at all for 9 years. When I applied for social security I had to write down every job I had and what happened. I was horrified when I looked at the list and realized that I had left every job due to my illness. I've attempted going back to work and school over the years, always with the same result. I get depressed and agoraphobic. I started working when I was 13. To not be able to work now, sometimes is really hard for me. I feel like a failure and a waste. It's at those times I need to focus on what I am able to do. This usually requires someone helping me to remember why I'm using precious air. And what I usually come to is the friends that I have and my daughter and how much I mean to those people. I know it's hard when God or the Universe's plan looks really dismal. But if I reflect on my life I usually see that there were reasons for things that I couldn't see at the time. I hope you can find some peace My thoughts will be with you. Annie

[nowheretorun]

((((((((((((((((((( Annie ))))))))))))))))))))

We can console each other about this... It seems un-natural to equate self worth with what you can or can't do, with work, with what kind of income you have, but isn't that the society we live in? It takes deeper thinking and understanding to rise above it and say to yourself how just because I exist I am a worthy person when so many messages are recieved daily that good isn't good enough, that there is always something better we should strive for... The machine of commerce and consumerism never tires of sapping more of our energy and draining our health to satisfy its' own lust for more. It depends on us to feel insecure and needy...

Thoose who know me understand how I can get off on a tangent with this topic, just remember that you must place your own value above anything any others say or tell you.

BTW. I did get a callback on that job today and I decided it wasn't right for me after all. So there.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius