hurting

I had a wonderful vacation in the Smokey Mountains. It snowed and we even lost electricity. It was cold, but still beautiful and wonderful. Why did I have to come home to misery. Work is horrible. I have more work to do than I can possibly handle. On top of that there is gossip and cruel backstabbing. I can't take it. This life sucks. On top of that I am having difficulty getting my meds refilled. This world stinks.

I can understand, coming home from such a beautiful place can bring anxiety. I recently quit working because I would get depressed on Sunday about going back to work on Monday then all week I would wish Saturday would hurry up and get here. I really can't afford not to work but my health can't afford for me to work. Ugh!!!

I have been to the Smokey's and they are awesome and inspiring. It is hard to leave such a peaceful place to come home to reality. Hope things get better for you.

I always had that problem with vacations. Everything would be great while I was away, but all the crap was just waiting for me when I returned.

I'm sorry it's hitting you so hard. Your vacation must have been super! How long were you gone?

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Work is such a lonely place at times I feel for you.

Hi waterknob. it's really good news that you had such a great vacation and were able to "let go", you certainly deserved it!!!
But I can completely understand if you feel really deflated, despondant, depressed...........now??
So just a couple of thoughts...........do you think you could try not to let some of those feelings from when you were on vacation vanish, hold tight to them to help you through..........???
Maybe you have some photos or if not you could perhaps download some images, or maybe you have some images in your mind..........and when things are really getting on top of you just take a minute/a very short break, take a breath and try to let those images/memories "lift you" just a little. You were there, it was real, don't let go of that
And keep in your mind the next time you're going to be able to go there or some place else........."just" a matter of time until then.
And for the gossip/backstabbing, as much as possible try to "zone out", hey??? If there's nothing you can do about it at least try to step away, in your mind, from it as much as possible. I know it's going to be impossible to do that at time and it's got to be so demoralising at times but.......all you can do, hey??
And back to clocking down the hours until finishing time/s. When of course you can still come to tell us about things and get a little understanding/support, right??
So..........hope it eventually works out with getting your meds refilled and here if you want to talk............
Alison

Thank you everyone for your kindness and support. I feel like the best friends I have are here on this forum. No one else seems to care or be supportive. The crazy thing is I felt like I was breaking out of my depression and I was truly happy and thankful. Now I feel paranoid like I can't trust anybody and that anything I say can be used against me. It's all so complex.
The head nurse is on vacation so they are bad mouthing her while she is gone. She is a long-time friend of mine. The medical assistant that was promoted to supervisor has also always been a good friend. But after she became a boss she betrayed and hurt me and it took a long time for me to trust her again. I think she and the head nurse are eventually going to have a massive argument and I will be shoved in the middle of it. They will also use something I may have inadvertently said against me.

I'm tired. I am in pain mentally and physically. Migraine headaches went away but arthritis started back up. I just felt like crying today, but it will get better. I have to think of something to look forward to. Yes, I enjoy Saturdays but on Sunday I dread going in on Monday.
Once again, thanks everybody for your kindness and support.

Oh, one piece of good news. I was able to get my wellbutrin refilled at a local pharmacy and the others filled at the mail order pharmacy.

Hi waterknob, the fact that you're feeling like you are doesn't need to mean that you aren't still breaking out of your depression/doesn't need to mean that you're right back where you were before
Sometimes there can be up's and down's as you're breaking through, sometimes it can be about the number of "good" days gradually increasing among the "not so good" days............and even gradually working towards there being more "good" or "not so bad" days than "bad" in a period of time. And you have had some good days so maybe you are on your way. It can sometimes be a long road, but...............!!!
Although I completely understand that work isn't helping right now. Perhaps do all you can to keep your focus on/bring your focus back to each actual task you're doing/will be doing and each professional discussion you can do something with??? Try to live them, breathe them almost to the exclusion of really noticing any of the gossip, complaining around you. And you know, you can only do what you can in fielding any trouble that comes your way any time. Sure if you can better prepare yourself for it now great, but if you can't then just hold onto..........it might happen, but it's not happening now.
And if you feel like crying......well there are going to be times when you just need to. So let it out if it might help (while remembering "but it will get better").
And something to look forward to.........if it absolutely comes to it..........Saturday's...........you are going to have another one in 7 days, and another one in 14 days, and another one in 21 days, and another one in 28 days.........racking them up now, right?? And nothing, nothing at all is going to stop those days from happening. Now maybe add on some counts of Friday evenings too, something real good somewhere deep down about knowing the week is over??
Would like you to have more to look forward to though Any "treats" you could maybe schedule in during the week for yourself??? You, without a doubt deserve something good set up!!!!

And btw, great news about managing to sort the refills!!!



Alison

I appreciate all the kindness and friendship from everybody here. I had so many thoughts going on in my head the last two days. I think I was suffering from post vacation blues. Life is great on vacation because you do not have to deal with reality and difficult people.

I thought about how the best, sweetest, most wonderful and kind hearted people I have ever met suffered with depression or bipolar disorder. Some of the meanest people I have ever met could be considered "successful" by this word's standards. How strange. Knowing that not everyone here shares my spiritual beliefs, I do obtain much comfort from my spiritual beliefs in God when nothing else around me makes sense. I am drawn to a verse in the Bible Matthew5:5 "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." I believe that in God's world the little and the weak will be the greatest and the mean people who think they are proud and strong will be brought down. Just my thoughts.

I believe if I read my Bible and pray more, I will have greater ability to cope with things. I know that God does not like gossip and ugly things. I also realize I cannot control other people and what they do. I can only control myself. With prayer and reliance on the Lord I will try to be the best person I can be at work and everywhere else, do the best job I can, walk away from the gossip and ugly things, and trust that God will be by my side.

(((((Waterknob)))))