you know, apart from you guys on here who are so understanding and compassionate, i feel no one else listens to me.

i've been sent to mental health team on an emergency appointment. all they told me is i am not bad enough and i have to wait 2 years. i went to tell my doc today how i've been treated, she is trying to fing me the correct person to see ispdoc and my mum is paying orivately. which is brilliant.

but this will take time. what are we supposed to do whilst waiting. keep climbing the walls, keep shoving sleeping tablets to get through the day, keep having thoughts about how nice it would be if i could just disappear. i told them i would never harm myself because of my kids. there's only so much you can take though. if i had a broken arm or leg it would be sorted. because i'm still standing they send me away with promises and pills and a smile and a try to be positive. i also was told prozac is the best thing for me - yet i feel no better after 3 weeks - give me strength

yes it's so easy to be positive isn't is - so easy - no one would be depressed if it were so easy to be positive right?

excuse me if i'm wrong but i thought it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. silly me. oh well, sorry for ranting, but you have to have schitzophrenia or cut your wrists or take hundreds of pills before you get any help here.

uk sux. jinn x

HI Jinny, I hear you. I too have been through the mental health care system and found it inadequote. All they can do is patch you up and send you back out again.

Frustration? Oh yes but there are so many unwell people out there and so little resourses. In a perfect world I guess we would all be looked after adequately. I think at times we just want to feel like someone cares?

There are people out there that do care but its finding them. I had to go private in the end. I dont know what the answer is? I think there are things we can do to help ourselfs in the meanwhile.

Stay positive and hope you find the help you need soon.

thanks mouse. appreciate your words, i'm just struggling with myself right now. i feel like sleeping day and night to block it all out

take care, jinny xxx

[katheryn]

hi jinny
not said much about my own fight with depression, as i have been more worried about hubby, i to suffer , i first was given meds when i wasnt with dec,i was in a failing relationship and struggling to find help with my eldest daughter,
after a sort of strange childhood brought up by my dad and his sisters and brothers help, i got hurt by cousins they used to bully me and as we got older female cousin just started being a normal teenager only being a year older i think that as me and my brothers were quite often made to stay at this relations house we were intruding on there family life and they found it hard to cope, but the boy who was two years older than me became creepy, he started watching me change i didnt know at first untill i caught him but he made threats to me he would come into the bathroom or into the room i slept in this went on for about three years i actually used to get migrains worrying about how i could get out going to this relations but i couldnt stop this untill i turned sixteen and i had a boyfriend, we went to vist boyfriends friends and i never went home but dad got the police to bring me home i refused untill boyfriend explained to the police, it was all dealt with i dont know what was said or who said what i had to stay at another relations untill it had all been sorted, there is more but i have left this out, since that first time of being medicated i have since been medicated three more times differant meds each time, like you i tried prozac and many diferant ones, in 2005 i started getting bad again i even know now some of the time when im getting depressed, and went to the docs she was very good she put me back on a new med in the range that works for me i still have two side efects i have to deal with, i was still struggling when my marriage began to fail and then i did the unthinkable one morning after i got home from work and having a conversation with hubby i went out in my car at first just for a ride, and yes thats were they found me, the only person i asked for was my aunt the mother of the cousin who had abused me, and she came to be with me while i was in hospital, i had to see the hospital cpn before they would release me and i had to promise not to do it again, i still am promising not to do it again for the sake of my children, because i hurt them that day as well as myself, i never got put in touch with the mental health team because i promised my doctor i wouldnt do it again and started councilling , i never talked about what had happened in my childhood, but i started to get better it wasnt untill i strarted to go to a diferant councillor and all our housing problems started that i disclosed my abuse to my doctor, after advice from her and people here i told my new councillour about it, i have been around hubbys cpn especially when she told him that she wasnt sure he was actually depressed and she said simmiler about me
so i found the help i needed at my local doctors so please dont give up hope we are listning and i hope that your doctor finds the right person to help you

thankyou so much for revealing all that katheryn i was so desperate last night i actually did concider pills, i have so many for different things. but i cried and cried and thought of my kids. it's so hard when you dont want to be here, but you have to be.

i wish i could blank it all out. sometimes i feel resentment towards my kids for keeping me here, i dont show that obviously, but at the moment i feel i am in hell. and all the crap that has been going on in here doesn't help. i feel like people despise me for the way i always moan, yet i know i have support. sometimes i think i am going mad to be honest. a slight push and i'll be over the edge. thankyou for caring and writing, pls give dec my love, you are both saints as far as i'm concerned.

kerry xoxoxox

[Talulah]

(((((((((((((((((((((jinny))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Love you, please hang in there and be as good to yourself as you can. I wished I could be there to give a real hug to you, and just let you feel loved.

aww talulah,(((((((((((((love you))))))))))

i feel better today, that's just it, up and down, really bad mood swings. i'll be ok, i have my family and you guys in here.
thank god for doc john is all i can say

love, kerry xoxoxoxoxo

[desperado]

Jin, that must be so frustrating. I am sorry. You know you can always PM me & we'll go into Oblivion when needed...lol. Seriously, though.

I hope you have a better day today.

Love,

Desy

P.S.: The doctor is IN (LOL)

((((((((Jinnyann)))))))))

[InACorner]

((((((((((((((Jinny))))))))))))))))))))))

jinny, i'm sorry i didn't see this sooner. we're here for you and someone is always online.i went through this in 2005.....PM me any time you need to.......xoxoxo pat