[sabby]

Why is it so damned hard to follow your own good advice??? What the hell is up with that????

I certainly know what I need to do to help myself, but I just can't seem to pull it all together and do just that. I mean, it's not that I don't think I deserve it. But I just can't figure out what is stopping me from doing what needs to be done to work through this crappy depressive existance.

I have always had a giving nature. I do what I can to help folks here and IRL. I receive a thousand times more than I give. It warms my heart and soul....but for some stupid reason, it isn't enough to get me off my arse to help myself.

I'm so very sad deep inside. I'm extremely lonely and I miss my husband more than words can express. As humans, we need another's touch....there is no one here to touch me, to hug me when I'm feeling low or even when I'm feeling good. It almost feels like I can't take care of myself and that scares me to death.

It's not as if I don't like myself. Of course there are things I am working on to change, but that's life and growing and learning. I am a work in progress and the key word is progress! I like myself now more than I ever have in life. I just don't understand what it is I feel I'm missing (aside from the love of my life).

If anyone has some constructive suggestions for me, I'm all ears (well now wouldn't I look funny being all ears *sheesh*) but you know what I mean...LOL.

I'm at my wits end trying to figure out what the hell it is I think I need. It's putting me deeper into this depression and I cannot allow that to happen!!

HELP!! Please!!!

[nothemama8]

we are our own worst enamy (sp) don't be so hard on yourself, it's easy giving support but hard accepting our own words

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((sabu )))))))))))))))))))))

I too find myself lending support to everyone but myself. Strange how that works, huh? I struggle that I am even worth it and am glad you don't have that hurdle to overcome.

My heart goes out to you with the loss of your husband. Physical contact is so important. Maybe somehow you can find the solace in knowing that people care about you deeply and how much you care for them and yourself.

I guess this probably is no help with your post but know I am out here and care. Take care.

[Perna]

You are taking good care of yourself Sabaru, that's why you're here and trying to find answers, etc. I think you partially answered your question when you noted there is no one "here" to hug or "care" for you, etc. Were I you, I'd try to get out, volunteer or meet with friends and others, get other relationships going to help fill some of the physical void from the loss of your husband? I didn't truly understand about physical touch until one morning my aged, senile, stepmother had trouble getting up/out of bed so I climbed in with her and started rubbing her back and remembered when I was a child and she rubbed mine and would dry me after my bath, etc. and the true meaning of needing touch cradle to grave hit me and I was so glad I could be there enjoying giving my mother a backrub and know she was enjoying it to.

I make it a priority to hug friends and shake hands with people I meet and take change from clerks such that our hands are allowed to touch a bit instead of worrying so much about keeping my distance and being so "hygenic." I try to meet the eyes of people I pass walking and every day a neighbor's elderly dog, "Houston" now comes to my yard/door because I was kind and patted him once so now when I realize he's there I come out and rub him and chat with my neighbor (whose name I don't remember, haven't lived her very long or come in contact with her enough to remember, YET :-) and just try to talk to others and interact a bit. I think interaction and having others in our lives is a key to feeling less depressed.

[SeptemberMorn]

I can certainly relate... for what that's worth.

I have a neighbor that I stop and chat with when I take my dog out for a walk. She'll come sit on her steps of her deck. When I get ready to leave, I reach for her hand and help her up. It's amazing what that touch does for me and I can only imagine what it does for her.

She's suffered abuse at the hand of her daughter recently. No doubt, it feels good to her, not only the touch but the caring. For me, the touch feels good and in a way, I'm still helping my mother stand up, which she needed quite a bit all of my life.

My cat will sometimes cooperate and curl up at the small of my back at night. It feels good to feel another living thing next to me. I got my dog for cuddling next to and affection but her past training won't allow her to stay on the couch when anyone sits next to her and she certainly won't get on the bed with me. As wonderful as my dog is, now I wish I'd gotten a puppy so it would grow up being cuddled and laid next to.

If I had treats with me, and set my mind to it, I could probably teach my dog to cuddle. I just don't do that for myself... why? I don't know... lack of motivation? Lack of interest in myself? The slight depression I live with most of the time doesn't allow me? Who knows! at myself...

PS I'm all ears (well now wouldn't I look funny being all ears *sheesh*)

You still have your sense of humor! I can relate to that, too!

[Soidhonia]

Hello Sabau.
I hope things get better soon. I agree that volunteering is a good start when you are feeling a void in your life at this time. Sometimes helping too much leaves a feeling of voidance as well. Volunteermatch is a good site to find a volunteer job if you are interested. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((sab)))))))))))))))))))))))))))



giving you such a long warm hug and i'm sorry if its a bit tight

love you my special friend

jinny xoxoxoxoxoxo

[sickntired]

you sound like a wonderful lady.Its so hard when you know what would make you feel better but lack the motivation to put it in action.Its the depression and all I know is to take it a little step at a time.Maybe go for a walk, sometimes that clears the cobwebs away for me,remember these feelings ,although overwhelming at times, do ease.I really do feel for you and understand how you feel.Thankyou for sharing your thoughts and feelings.I think you are wonderful to be able to do so and I hope that you are brightened by others comments.

[desperado]

((((((((((((((((((((((sabs)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Aw, sweeetie..........if I was there, I'd give you a huge, long hug.

My favourite aunt once told me that she read somewhere that we all need smthg like 9 hugs a day (ideally)........I can believe it.

I can relate....

Don't know the answer to that, but I would suggest maybe getting a dog? Or volunteering w/ animals, if you have time? It's not the same as human contact, but hey, it's something..........

Awesome posts, btw........especially like yours, Perna.

Blowing you kisses, sabs.

Des

[sabby]

(((((momma)))) You are so right...thank you for pointing it out to me.

Hugssssssss
J

[sabby]

(((((((bear))))))))

I struggled for years before I felt worthy of helping myself. I guess in a way I'm still struggling to some extent.

I'm sorry, I worded things wrong about my husband....he is not gone. He's Romanian and still living in Romania. We haven't gotten him his visa yet to come to the states. We'll be celebrating our 4th anniversary the end of June and have yet to spend one of them together. It's been a long an difficult road and many things have happened over the past 4 years that have kind of stopped the ball rolling so to speak. Hopefully this year will be our year

I so appreciate you taking the time to post. You have helped me alot by doing that. Don't ever think that you are no help, becasue that is far from the truth! Thank you for caring, it warms my heart and puts a smile on my face!

Hugs 'n kisses
J

[sabby]

((((((Perna))))))

Thank you for what you said Perna. It means the world to me!

I'm so glad you were able to give some special healing to your mom....what a wonderful moment in both your lives. When I was living with my elderly aunt, I tried to do the same for her. She never married in her life, had no children and went through most of her life without any loving touch. How sad that must have been for her.

I do my best to have some kind of touch through each day with folks. I guess what I'm really needing is the feeling of being held tightly, rocked, my hair stroked....all the things my husband does when we are together (he's in Romania, I'm in the states).

I've always been the "strong" one in the family and with my friends. I suppose that has it's drawbacks in that they don't ever think I need a hug now and again because I'm the one giving them all the time.

I do have a cat here...but she is old and not into too much interaction. She is pretty aloof so there is not much comfort with her. When she is gone, that will be the end of any animals for awhile. I feel too tied down and need to know I can go when and where I want without worrying about who's going to look after them.

Thanks so much for your insight and suggestions. I do so appreciate you!

Hugsssssss
J

[sabby]

((((((Tomi))))))

Thank you m'dear Your words helped me alot.

I'm so glad you have a neighbor and you can help each other out with companionship. That's a wonderful thing

Thanks for understanding about that depressive thing and motivation. It does make it so hard to do what we know we should be doing doesn't it? Grrrrrrrrr at myself too! LOL

Sense of humor...gosh yes, must keep the sense of humor. I brought a home cooked meal to the woman I work with that lost her house to fire a week ago. She was so happy to have one as her and her husband have been living in a motel since the fire. She told me that her and one of the other gals in the office were talking the other day and saying how happy they were that I was back working with them again, that I bring joy and laughter back to a place that had long since had any. It made me feel so good inside to know that I could brighten their day.

Onwards and upwards....thanks for your time hon!

Hugsssssss
j

[sabby]

((((Soid))))

Thanks so much. I'm trying to re-arrange my schedule to do some volunteering as a matter of fact. Most of my volunteering as of late has been taking care of dear friends who have been going through some difficult times.

At the same time, I have a lot of stuff I need to do for my husband and myself to get him here. That is where my main goal lies at the moment. I'm always good at putting off what I need for the needs of others, but I have to start taking better care of mine.

Take good care!
J

[sabby]

OMG...I can't breathe!!! LOL

jinny my sweet friend....you are the best! Thank you Thank you Thank you!!



Love YOU!
J

[sabby]

((((((((sickntired))))))))))))

Such wonderful ideas...as soon as it warms up a bit, I will take you up on the walk thing.

You are right, I know the feelings will subside at some point. Gosh I hope its really soon because I can't stand myself being like this.

I am brightened by everyone's outreaching of hugs and support including YOURS! Thank you dear one

Hugssssssss
J

[sabby]

(((((((((((((dessy))))))))))))))) You sweet thing you! I'm imagining that wonderful hug! Thank you love!

Wow, 9 hugs a day huh? I need to have my grandson here everyday then, because he gives the BEST hugs to his grammie. And they are constant too! Every time I turn around he's there with a hug for me....I just love him to pieces!

Hey, that's a great suggestion about volunteering with the animals. Right up the road from me is the SPCA, I should go offer my services...I just hope I can find the motivation to do just that.

Hugsssss 'n kissessss!
J

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{ )))))Sabau(((( }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

A squishy hug for you. Remember, when you give hugs you get them back at the same time.

[desperado]

You're welcome, sabs

Yep; NINE. Milk your grandson -- they are so precious & grow up so quickly. Nothing like kids. Espec the hugs......

Cool; go for it: re: volunteering @ SPCA.

Love,

Desy

[greenpunkergirl]

I am probably the last to advise you, but maybe you should meditate. Just let your mind go free even in my current state, this is what helps me. My heart and prayers go out to you..........as well as a big mental hug.

[sabby]

oooooo I LOVE squishy hugs!!!!!!!!!!! Thankies m'dear

[sabby]

(((((green)))))

Thank you so much for the suggestion of meditation (i just wrote medication and had to change it LOL). I have used that before, but I never think of it when I'm really down. You are a peach for reminding me!

[GYPSYEYES]

{{{{{{{{{{SABS}}}}}}}}}
im just reading all this now im sorry im a lil late

i hope you find it in yourself to get out there and get motivated you can do wonders i am sure of it.

[cajun]

((((((((Sabau)))))) I am the same way. Wish I could follow my advice.