[Turtlesoup]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

I'm okay today, I guess. A little frustrated. I haven't written any poetry in a long time, so I thought I'd get back to it earlier. But it seems I just can't make it work. I'm out of ideas. I can't form metaphors. I have no new material. I guess this is what happens when I go too long without writing. I feel worthless.

When I get stuck like this I usually do some free style/automatic type of writing & usually this will loosen up my brain. I belong to Poetry Foundation & I go there daily to soak up some good prose you can also save a list of your favorites-when I'm having a crappy day re-reading The Jabberwocky also helps-take care hope your day gets better.

[LittleEarthquakes]

Down down down.

Another weekend has pretty much come and gone. This has not been a great weekend. My only friend and I never got together. As hard as this is to believe, he's retired but he seems to have a lot going on for the weekends. This weekend was one of them.

I called my brother to wish him a happy birthday. I just left a voice mail. Maybe he'll call back later on. He and never got along from when we were little kids to now. And he's not well with his health.

Very hot outside today again; and I think that today has to be the hottest day of the year. Very uncomfortable to do a lot outside. I am very much a cool-weather person. I shudder to imagine how hot it's going to be this summer, if it's this hot already!

[aprillynn197]

I'm so sad..I hate so much right now.

[JohnCrow]

Alive, breathing, nervous

I have my CT for the growth on my kidney tomorrow as well as starting a new temp job

[color14u]

I have been trying to be positive, but last night I had a melt down. Sad thing is I can't remember it. My husband told me about it. The break down doesn't bother me...the not remember does.

[LindaLu]

Had a successful day with volunteer organization. Back to work tomorrow where I made a spectacular train wreck of a task. Worst in 20 years of my career. Then again, I've had 20 years doing pretty good work. Not a bad run. I can still look myself in the mirror.

[tigerlily84]

Not doing well.

After being stood up by my pdoc, and experiencing awful back pain for the past few days, and stressful workdays, I would say that I am not in the best of moods. I have had the occasional suicidal thought. I am doing my best to not fall into that, but it seems like they will always be there no matter what I do, or how much progress I make. I'm not saying I'm going to act on them, far from it.. but it is very disappointing to have those thoughts after months of feeling better.

So on my list of things to do this week I have to cancel the appointment I have with my pdoc on Tuesday. I set that appt to try to just reschedule it, but honestly I don't think I want to see her. It's also at a time that is in the middle of the work day and I forgot to ask if I could leave early. I'm good on my medication... I'm not going to run out in the next week or anything, so I will hold off until after I see a doctor for my back pain. Plus, this back pain is really commanding all of my attention right now. I will be fine one minute and in pain the next. It's a pain that just bothers me, and it puts me in the worst possible mood. I've snapped at several people and I feel terrible about it.

As I said before, I'm trying not to jump to conclusions until I get seen by a doctor. It isn't the first time I've experienced this... pain followed by the occasional numbness. I was honestly in the middle of a pretty severe depressive episode when it first started. I did get an x-ray at the time but nothing was found. And the pain just stopped as suddenly as it began. That was about a year ago. And maybe about a month ago, I had some strong pains, enough that I had to lie down. And now this. I don't know what it means.

Had a horrible horrible PTSD dream

Third day in a row of more severe depression. Ironic that it happened after an ECT. I just don't feel like doing much of anything. Will have to force myself to go run/walking, force myself to go to the AA meeting (if I decide to go) and force myself to go for my horse riding lesson. I just want to be me again.

[LittleEarthquakes]

I have therapy in a few hours. I feel like avoiding everything today.

[hope2010]

Still down, tired of being tired. I don't want to even move, walk, clean. I usually pass over the horrible feelings that comes with depression with all I had learned from CTB. Now nothing is working. I keep pushing myself though. The meds are not working too. Tomorrow I will see my psychiatrist. I know she will find something new to try, I know she will be there for me. Hugs to everybody.

I don't know why I keep existing.

[Chummy]

Anxious. I filled an complaint against a therapist I had some years ago. I got a message that the complaint is taken to him and he'll be ask for an explaination and what exactly had happen. I'm nervous about hearing back. I don't like that therapist. He's an arrogant man. And how will he even remember what had happen? Gosh, I didn't realise untill I got that email, that I'm still afraid for some of the therapist there.

[mulan]

My life is awfull. Today it seems like everything goes wrong. I feel stupid. And I feel like life is being fare because I don't deserve good things.

[Nammu]

last weds when I didn't sleep and decided to go check out a program and things went bad I completely forgot I had an apointment with the Pnurse. Completely wiped it out. I just called and now I'm scheduled with a reg nurse, a nurse I can't understand. Not only is English not her first language she mumbles. This ongoing inability to sleep is wearing on me. Getting irritated.

[Bark]

Distracting myself. It's all I'm capable of.

[TheOriginalMe]

I am an emotional whirlpool right now, all the old feelings are caught in a vortex and spiralling around so quickly that I can't identify them, I'm not even sure all the feelings belong to me. I am so tired of the cycle of no emotion, full speed emotions, no emotions, high intensity emotion, no emotion. No emotion is better than bad emotion, I long to be in a quiet, empty place.

[color14u]

They are going to discuss my case in physical therapy. It doesn't appear to be the soft tissue and tendons in my foot holding me back. It's the ankle that is froze. They are going to see if there is anything they can do. I believe that's their talk for "sorry about your luck". This really sucks.

[Ganymede00]

Having a bit of a freak out but hanging on nonetheless. I go from wanting to improve and change everything about my life/myself to becoming completely overwhelmed with even the thought of enduring another day. Ugh.

[Rose76]

I'm getting sloppy about a lot of things. Not eating too well.

[tigerlily84]

Felt horrible the whole day because I was fighting a migraine and my back was bothering me. I hate feeling like that. So tired. And guess what? I felt better when I came home. Hmm

Feeling just a tad bit better than I did yesterday. There is a law firm not far away that is looking for a family law paralegal and I have experience in family law (as an attorney) so I got a resume and cover letter together. I am hopeful I will get an interview!

Today it's volunteering at the museum and then a movie with a friend.

[Chummy]

I got an email back from my T. It made me smile and feel warm. And wished?

I hate this building. I hate people. gah. WHY.