[lucami]

I'm so tired. physically and mentally. and besides this I'm having a cold or flu. I feel like something is pushing me to kill myself. feeling sleepy. no point in life anymore.

Possible trigger:

Want to end it.

[magical loser]

meds are working but im having a seriously stressful week and i cant cope with it. they dont do much for stress...

[copingwithlife]

I too am having a weird start to the day. I woke up not wanting to crawl out of bed. But I had to, I had a job interview. I'm not sure how it went or if I really want it. I want something that puts my experience to use. I guess I should feel happy that I even got a call to begin with, but the sadness of losing my boyfriend and still not having a stable home life rips me apart. Now after my interview, I'm back in bed. I guess at least I'm not crying yet.

Feeling okay. Just pressured...

It's 1pm. I should probably shower. I don't really want to.

Pet my cat for a little bit. She'd hopped up on the bed with me. It was nice, but didn't make me feel any better. She hopped off the bed after 10 or 15 minutes, in favor of her bed in the corner.

[Nammu]

Still upset after my morning, tempted to stay home and not leave again.
[trigger] cant get this to work so deleted it

[seeminglyreal]

i don't matter
i feel so small and unwanted

[puzzclar]

Seeminglyreal.... you are not unwanted. And you do matter. I hope you feel better soon.

[Bark]

Discharged today. Went to class straight from the hospital. Kind of funny.

Wish we had more services where I live. I probably wouldn't have ended up in hospital as much as I have.

Feeling a bit better; no med change, although they gave me something to help me sleep (I couldn't sleep and I felt agitated and I figured that another hour of struggling to sleep probably wouldn't help).

Slowly started eating more today. Finished breakfast bit by bit. I've lost weight again.

Going to try sleeping early tonight and taking it easy. Early as in before midnight. Studies can wait.

[Chummy]

I'm so tired of having so little energy.
I'm confused. All these feelings.
I hope this higher dose of medication will work.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by Chummy

I'm so tired of having so little energy.
I'm confused. All these feelings.
I hope this higher dose of medication will work.

I was like you last year. In addition to depression, I had undetected physical issues that brought additional tiredness. Perhaps you can have your regular doctor to have you checked. I am sending you a hug

[TheOriginalMe]

I feel more broken than I have for a long time. The tears keep rolling down my cheeks but bring no relief. I honestly don't believe I will ever be ok, if I'm lucky I might find the ability to not care anymore but that will be it. I'm overwhelmed by the sense that it is too late for me to ever be anything other than broken.

[JohnCrow]

Phone interview today. I thought I had tanked and tanked spectacularly

I was about to say "well, you know what...screw this" when she said I was on to the next stage

Likely will not result anything (government job and I definitely do not fit the groups they need for quotas... I am male and my ancestry is where white met bread) but I can think on the fly again

I thought I had lost my wits (I mean quick mind, not 'lost my wits' as in an archaic term for being crazy)

[BAZOOCA123]

My moods have been a roller coaster today, currently very anxious and scared though. Worried about bedtime coming and the problems that come with it.

[Turtlesoup]

Good positive day, saw my tdoc & am going to further meditate & try to rescript some of nightmares I'm having to put myself in a position of control-should be interesting (I always think he's going to think I'm the craziest person ever when I tell him my dreams ). Feel like I'm in a really good space right now & am going to enjoy it. This stuff is so hard sometimes but I am stubborn & will continue to move forward.

[Nammu]

I am still upset from this morning. I'm sitting in sweats under blankets and afraid. Kicking myself for not fighting, not calling out, not doing anything proactive. I can think of all kinds of things I should have done instead all I did was run.

[tigerlily84]

Feeling agitated and anxious. I had a stressful day at work and somehow we are behind after just catching up last week. I can't stop thinking about it.

My back and hip have also been bothering me. I told me coworker about it and she said that it sounds like sciatic pain. Great.. I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions but when sitting is uncomfortable it makes me worry.

[Gareth Monkton]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

Stupid me got too busy to make appt with GP. Anti-histamines aren't lessening the itching and I've trawled the internet looking for advice and have convinced myself I have every single condition I've read about. I'm totally paranoid about bed bugs now and am sure if I lift the matress they will be there waving their six legs at me and laughing. Probably if I stopped worring about the itching it would go away.

Still itching and the internet have given me very little time to wallow in my depression today.

Coincidence :- I have been getting bites on my neck and head in the mornings. I think there must be fleas in my room.

[Nammu]

I talked to someone, no details but I feel better. Calm breaths and all that jazz the cPTSD has calmed oto. I didn't totally freak out, stayed real,. Was able to shower and eat, so crisis averted. yay, took an extra ambian want to sleep tonight. My lack of slee last night I think contributed to the bad reaction. Can't go two days in a row without sleep.
Thanks for being here guys very much appreciated it.

[eggplantlife]

Right now, not feeling much. 2 times i was told i was cold by same person and same time person enjoy my company. Yeah, i have breen feeling detached and not much love. Kind of tired of trying to force myself to love. Dont feel like doing loving kindness meditation. Did feel some kind of love pouring from something inside me but days later, I feel like of lack of love. I wonder where all that love went? Where did it go? It is still inside of me so how come i cant feel. Would like to be with the man who is my love to cone already into my life. I would like to be with my doggie daughter too.

Sad

I'm sick of doing nothing, im sick of this effed-up hovel i call a life.

[Chummy]

Tired. I'm trying to write an email to my T. She asked me to do that, to tell her if I notice some change in the days after my first EMDR session. I also want to write about two other things that are bothering me. But it's so hard to write something. I have thought about thses things and what to write, but now I'm sitting down to write is...nothing. I can't seem to write down what I thought earlier. I'm empty.

Not in the best mood today. I had ECT this morning, and every night before ECT I wake up around 3 a.m. and can't get back to sleep. So I'm wiped out but I know I wouldn't be able to nap if I tried. I'm stuck feeling this way until tomorrow a.m.

Also, today is Day 7 of having a migraine the majority of the time. It's getting really old. My doc prescribed oxycodone for it. I can still feel pain even after taking that.

The job search continues. I'm discouraged because I've sent out so many resumes and the phone's not ringing. I know it's because I'm very overqualified for the jobs I'm applying to (I'm an attorney applying for paralegal jobs), but with my depression the way it is, I'm just not up to practicing law. I wouldn't be able to handle the stress.

[dandylin]

Still sucked down the black hole. I feel so alone and unloved. I feel like I am completely on my own. No one on this planet is the least bit interested in whether I'm ok or not