I know I know

It's all my fault, I'm in a mess because I screwed up. I'm placing the blame on me because there's nobody else to blame. Most of the discomfort I have in my life, the problems I face ... are my fault.

Some people just helped push me over the edge.



Sorry for taking up so much valuable time from people who deserve it. I'll go back to stuffing it all in again and help people. Maybe that's better for me anyways.

And I just remembered I've got my last T appointment on Friday. NO. I don't WANT HIM TO GO.

I don't want anyone to go. Please. I feel so alone.

((((((((((Canders))))))))))) It's going to be okay, you're not alone. You have all of us here on PC.
We all mess up and make mistakes-I don't know what you're referring to but I'm sure you had no intentions of making anyone hurt or feel bad. And you're not screwed up, you're probably just confused. It's okay if you're confused-I think almost everyone is.
I hope you're feeling better soon.

Thanks (((((((((Jax)))))))))))

It's nothing specific I've managed to screw up this time, besides not studying for an exam until last minute and my finances, and my chances of getting a job in the future and my academic future. I've also managed to sabotage so many chances for help, and it's getting on my last nerve. One more chance and that's it. I'll quit therapy and just suffer. It's like my mind is working against me and making it impossible to get anything done. I'm not motivated, I almost feel like laying down and just getting walked all over AGAIN. At least I'm really good at that.

Sorry for all that. I'm in a crummy mood right now. I'll snap out of it hopefully soon. *sighs*

thanks

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I'm placing the blame on me because there's nobody else to blame.

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Maybe no one is to blame. And that's hard to deal with. I do the same thing you do - get out the stick and start beating myself, but it doesn't make me go away. I think it makes me more aware of the pain. You do deserve nurturing from yourself. That's my homework, too. I think it's probably natural to feel down right now because you're going through a loss - don't knock that. My therapist says to let myself feel hurt and down for a little bit and then it won't be so bad.
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Sorry for taking up so much valuable time from people who deserve it. I'll go back to stuffing it all in again and help people. Maybe that's better for me anyways.

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You are deserving and a valuable member of this community. I don't begrudge you any time you need. You give so much of your own time - sometimes you need a little bit for yourself or you'll run dry. Don't stuff - it will make you sick inside and eventually come out in other ways. We really don't mind.

((((Canders))))

Aw Canders! You aren't alone. That's why all of us are here on PC....for comfort, ask questions, talk, and have friends! You aren't alone. I'm sure we're not going anywhere, we're always here. And maybe not all of your problems are your fault. Just be calm and keep your head up... well atleast try to. I know it's hard to when you're in a bad mood. But just try your hardest too and we're always here if you need us!

((((((((((CANDERS))))))))))))) U will be ok Hun. We are all here to help u Cheer up

<3,
MamazAngel

Thanks (((((((((((WinterRose)))))))))))))

I don't think I do too well with the letting myself be sad or not beating myself up. Its more frequent lately, stress seems to be a big factor!

Oh yeah, I know about the negatives of emotional bottling, but I've been family-conditionned to be that way, takes a while to unlearn that "lesson"

Thanks for your feedback, is appreciated

((((((((((littlemissjess))))))))))))))

I completely forget that PC is here for me too... I guess I forget sometimes even when I tell everyone else.

I'll keep my head up and try to be calm, thanks for your positivity. I need it sometimes.

(((((((((((((MamazAngel)))))))))))))))))

Thanks Will hopefully be less cranky after my exam tomorrow. Thanks for the hug

((((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))

I think WinterRose was right on when she said that maybe there isn't anyone to blame for this. I think that when things happen in life, consciously or unconsciously, people are looking for someone to place blame on. - Not necessarily because they want to "blame" the person, but just so that they can justify why things have turned out the way they have. This of course makes things more difficult when things wind up and you're left feeling like you don't know what to do, so you end up blaming yourself. But Christina, how you are feeling ... what is going on, is NOT your fault.

You didn't ask to feel this way, to have these troubles thrown in your face. And as hard as it is to see right now .. you can get through this. You Will get through this. And you are just as valuable a member here as anyone else who comes along ... so embrace this community. We're here to try to help and listen, and we most certainly will always have time for you.

Right now is a really stressful time for any University student. Exams are coming up, final grades are fast approaching, arranging plans for the summer, finding jobs for the summer etc etc I could keep making the list! So when we have to try and deal with all that on top of any emotional stress .. well its only natural that we feel overwhelmed and worn down. But the good thing about all that exam stress is its going to be over soon ... just a couple more weeks (not even) and then we'll be done.

So in the words of one of my favourite movies:
"Just keep swimming"

Easier said than done, I know! But it's cute, and when you're sad just think of that little wee fish!

(((((((hugs)))))))
Jacq

((((((((((((((CANDERS))))))))))))))
I am sorry you are feeling this way at this time. sometimes when you get overwhelmed and have depression everything seems to fall on you as the culprit of the situation. I hope your situation gets better soon and you feel more like yourself soon. It is not necessary to stuff anything here Canders, and you are more than welcome to come to chat anytime, or take a break when it is needed. If you are not feeling better soon I hope you call your Dr so the Dr can help you during this time, you may just need your meds adjusted to help you feel better. Take care and good day. Soidhonia

((((((((((Jacq)))))))))))))

You are always so level headed

I guess I just feel bad about complaining (not that that really stops me ) because I know all that stuff is happening in the life of a regular university student. I know

I like that movie

(((((((((((Jacq))))))))))))) you are awesome. thanks

((((((((((((Soidhonia)))))))))))))))



You are so right about so much . Thank you for your support, really realy!

Saw psychiatrist, I don't have big problems.

I have my last session EVER with my therapist tomorrow.

I'm never ever going back into therapy. I can't deal with it anymore. It hurts too much to be left all the time.

Besides, my "problems aren't that big".

I'll stop complaining and wasting people's time now.

I'm sorry, so very sorry for complaining.

((((((((((Christina))))))))) I am a total zombified disaster right now and I can't be one bit of help, unfortunately -- just wanted to say I'm reading and I care, even if I'm a loser for not being able to do anything about it.



Love, Candy

Who said you were a loser? You're one of my friends, and just reading and that you care is enough for me.

(((((((((((((Candy)))))))))))))))))

thanks