[eggplantlife]

Real bad. Real real bad. Drinking for days now. Fon't know how long. Maybe a week. Tired. Just get rid of me already. Not S though. Just real sad scared and drunk. Never been like this before. Being scared did it. Being here did it. Maybe bad move after all though have shelter. Thought maybe good move. Had enough! Not really because I keep taking it.

[vital]

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

Real bad. Real real bad. Drinking for days now. Fon't know how long. Maybe a week. Tired. Just get rid of me already. Not S though. Just real sad scared and drunk. Never been like this before. Being scared did it. Being here did it. Maybe bad move after all though have shelter. Thought maybe good move. Had enough! Not really because I keep taking it.

Can you stop drinking eggplantlife? So many lives have been ruined by alcohol.

- vital

[Trickpony]

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

Real bad. Real real bad. Drinking for days now. Fon't know how long. Maybe a week. Tired. Just get rid of me already. Not S though. Just real sad scared and drunk. Never been like this before. Being scared did it. Being here did it. Maybe bad move after all though have shelter. Thought maybe good move. Had enough! Not really because I keep taking it.

I'm new to this forum but have had my share of problems with alcohol. Most times I could control my drinking when I was out in public, but 2-3 nights a week, I'd buy a big bottle of wine and drink by myself at home. That's how women drink when they have a drinking problem.

When I was 40-41 I realized I couldn't go on like this. Didn't have any DUI's or other legal problems (yet) but was finding myself calling of sick more and more after my nights of binging at home alone.

I went to 1-2 AA meetings, got the Big Book, and was sober for about a week and a half. Six months later, I called the company's employee assistance program and spilled my guts to them about the drinking and they were able to put me touch with an outpatient rehab program. Was able to continue working and go to rehab 2 times a week after work.

Part of our rehabilitation was going to AA 3-4 times a week at the very least.

Only someone with a problem of drinking can understand sayings like "I was sick and tired of being sick and tired" and "I was scared to quit drinking and scared not to quit drinking."

I don't know if this is a brand new behavior (drinking so much over the past few weeks) or if you fall back on this when life gets squirrelly. My alcoholism started out as a crutch for scary times and an accessory when life was one big party.

It is scary - VERY SCARY - to wonder if you have a major problem with something, be it alcohol, drugs, smoking, overeating, depression. Be honest with yourself and keep communicating with us on this board.

Take care.

[TheOriginalMe]

((((((eggplantlife))))))

Have you ever had support or help to stop drinking in the past? Can you reach that support network now? Check out the resources section on this site too.

Is there anything else you can do to distract you, have you ever checked out the games pages on this site? They help me, I feel an attachment to the regulars so I feel less lonely and just by trying to think up answers to silly questions means I have less time to think about the scary stuff.

Try to get some rest and then a little food if you can manage it, plenty of water too. It is all pretty lame advice but it is what I would say that to someone IRL and although I can't see you and I'm not with, your situation is real to me and I care.

[eggplantlife]

Thank you. This is new behavior. i see now how others have taken to drinking. I have to stop but haven't. I have set my mind to. Now, I realized that i can't touch it as it became an addiction like smoking. I quit smoking last year.
There is no company to help me.
I admit that it is only thing that is feeling good right now. When it wears off, it doesn't I'm not drinking do much that I have hang over.
I feel I am going crazy.
I don't think I am thinking right anymore.
Something is off.
There is no more help.
I think I reached out enough.
God gave me inside that doesn't seem to work while outside looks fine. This is worse than outside looks bad but inside works well. Most people get angry at us that inside is broken. They keep showing us the strength of the people who's outside is weak but inside is strong. I admire them but those stories are naming me feel worse about myself. They punish me with those stories. It is not inspirational.

[eggplantlife]

Okay, going to have my last drink. So sad that now, I can't drink as it gave been a comfort these days.

I need to learn to take care of myself. Where do I learn this?

[avlady]

a day treatment facility could help, i went to one for 8 years before i accepted the fact i had a mental illness, was put on meds and it helped alot. i see a doc and t now but don't need the day treatment anymore

[Fuzzybear]

[eggplantlife]

So ashamed. I drank again. I am going to stop. I gotta figure out a new way of helping with my depression or whatever I am going through. I gotta too!!!! This is crazy!!!!! 9 years like this. I gotta believe but I'm very angry And the whole point of this journey I took was to get rid if my anger!

[vital]

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

So ashamed. I drank again. I am going to stop. I gotta figure out a new way of helping with my depression or whatever I am going through. I gotta too!!!! This is crazy!!!!! 9 years like this. I gotta believe but I'm very angry And the whole point of this journey I took was to get rid if my anger!

I'm glad that you told us about it. What are you going to do about the alcohol?

- vital

[waterknob1234]

Feeling hurt and angry about past events and people that have brought us where we are I think fuels depression.

I always hate it when people tell you "Look at so and so, their life is harder than yours and they don't feel bad."

Eggplantlife it is worth a try to contact your local AA. I believe membership is free. They like for you to attend meetings frequently, especially at first. I also have heard that people find other helpful people in the group because everyone there either has struggled with alcohol or is struggling currently. I am willing to bet you would also meet lots of people struggling with depression. AA may not help everybody. But I have a close family member who has been attending AA for 8 months and she is so proud that she has been sober for 8 months.

Take care of yourself. We love you.

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

So ashamed. I drank again. I am going to stop. I gotta figure out a new way of helping with my depression or whatever I am going through. I gotta too!!!! This is crazy!!!!! 9 years like this. I gotta believe but I'm very angry And the whole point of this journey I took was to get rid if my anger!

If it's been 9 years, maybe this is something you will need some help with. You've already reached out to us here. That's a first step. You acknowledge there's a problem and you have the desire to want to stop. Don't be ashamed. These problems are so very hard to deal with! Most people, if not all, need help to take steps in the right direction. One of the hardest things may be actually seeking the help you need. I wish you the strength to reach out wherever it is that you need to. You are a good person and deserve better!

[eggplantlife]

Oh my!! No, it's not 9 years of drinking! It's 9 years of bad things happening in my life. It's 9 years of being in hell life with very little grateful things that was allowed to be in my life. The drinking was only week and half or 2 weeks. I wrote about it because it is not my normal thing for me. I couldn't stop. I didn't know ehat was happening. I stopped yesterday. I am sorry for all the misunderstanding because i wasn't clear in my writing.