Always being misunderstood.

I'm mad, I'm sad and I'm really confused. I don't know why I'm always interpreted as being mean. I don't know why I even try to communicate with other human beings. I am so exhausted. I haven't felt this depressed since the last time I was engaged with my family-oh, surprise, surprise-guess what? I just got finished contacting a family member. Do you think there could be a connection?
Everything got misconstrued with me ending up being the bad guy, of course. Now, once again, I'm feeling a little um, suicidal? I'm okay, I'm not going to kill myself-this isn't a serious suicide contemplation but it has definitely entered my mind recently. As it always does whenever I'm anywhere near that damn family.
Don't they have anyone else they can cry "big bad wolf" to? Am I really that horrible? Am I so damn bad and awful? I've got to be. Why else would they keep telling me I am? I am trying so hard to lose any attitude I have but suddenly I'm realizing why I had it in the first place and this nasty ***** attitude is making a lot of sense to me again. Shall I embrace the inner ***** once more, should I shrink back into a corner and hide or should I "Forgive" like I've been trying to do? GRRRRRRRRRR-Forgive? Forgive myself for being so damn stupid is what I have to work on first.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Do you see this ?
l
l
l ~Arrow pointing downwards to my signature.
l I am DUMB-Capital D-U-M-B- DUMB!!!!!
V

Shush you can't blame yourself for everything ...

And remember you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends ...

Hope you feel better soon

Thank you DrunkSunflower.
I could go for getting drunk right now. Wish I had some wine coolers and some smokes.

(((((((Pickle)))))))))

Let me take some of that weight off your shoulders hon. I'm sorry you are feeling so grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Hope you are feeling more mellow today!

Hugsssssss
J

sweetness, family does that to us. that's why they're called family and the others are called "friends"........

as DSF said, you can't pick 'em.........make some friends, or be with the ones you have, and avoid your family like that water moccasin that was in my storage shed! that's what i do!!! xoxoxo pat p.s. why do you think i moved to TEXAS??????????????

I am sorry that your family had made your feeling badly.

My mom does this to me without even meaning to. Right now, she picks at the wound of my being unemployed and not getting a job I really, really wanted and really really needed to keep a roof over my head. It is just her way of expressing concern but I don't want to talk about it.

Sometimes, I don't know the best ways to express my boundaries. Sometimes various Ts have helped me develop more effective communication strategies.

One thing that happens to me is that I don't detect the physical symptoms of being irritated, so I let the other person push too hard. Then I explode. By becoming aware of when the boundary is being violated, it can help me express my boundary more calmly.

Thank you for giving me an opportunity to think about this and write this, Pickle, because I was very rude to my mother yesterday when she was trying to show concern, and I really didn't have to be so mean to her. She is very, very elderly.

I hope you feel better soon. You have many people here who care about you.

((((((((((((pickle))))))))))))))))

i just want to send you a big sisterly caring gentle hug. i love you and so do others here. you are not dumb or bad.

hope you feel better soon, here if ya wanna holler. send pm anytime. family suck i know i hate mine too.

jinnyann xoxoxoxoxo

pickle i think alot of us can relate on the family thing..... maybe they're just so used to taking things out on you that its a natural thing for them now...... i think thats the deal with my family, i've always been the scapegoat so why not keep things going that way? anyway its ok to be angry with them..... and i don't think youre stupid or dumb. i hope you feel better soon.......

((((((((((pickle))))))))))

Dear Pickle, Hi I work in Phila. PA. I'm sorry about your family situation. But I'm so glad you feel comfortable enough to talk it over here. Please do not call yourself names though. My v. best thoughts to you.

Hi everyone, your replies and support mean so much to me. It's so nice to have people talk to me instead of picking me apart and trying to make me feel like I'm the most horrible person on the face of the earth.
I cannot believe I stepped back into it.
Every opportunity they get, they shove the "You're crazy" card down my throat. I am so ******* sick of it.
I just said~ "You're right. What can I say?"
I'm past trying to argue or defend myself.
I don't care anymore what they think of me. I can't afford to- I won't be able to breath if I do care. I'm not going back down into that hellhole of a major depression again. They're not doing that to me again.
Deep breaths. Thanks again. (((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

Hey Pickles, maybe ya can't pick blood family, but ya can pick PC family and thats what I did, join me and pick your PC family and not your nose okay?
Oh thats snot nice is it, got to laugh at life sweetie
Angie

((((((((((((((((( Pickle )))))))))))))))))

(((((((((nothemama))))))))))) PC definitely helps me 'cause I'd swear I was the lowliest piece of trash on the face of this earth if it wasn't for your support and hugs.
(((((((((((Fuzzybear))))))))))))))))))

Pickle, it sounds like your family, like mine, may not be very educated. Mental illness remains "being crazy" to my family, too. I just have to do my best to understand them. I definitely do keep things from my family that I know will cause them worry or pain, or create misunderstanding.

For example, I became a member of religious faith which when I first made it known caused my aging Mom a lot of concern. So I just don't mention it anymore.

I sent myself to outpatient rehab for alcohol and drug use several decades ago, and I have remained clean and sober. My mother, however, will absolutely not let me mention being an alcholic to relatives because to her this is a shameful thing. I thing I should be praised for this, but what can I do? Different generation, different understanding of the world.

I don't know how dysfunctional your family is. In my case, my family are basically good people who love me. I know there are families where the people do not have even that basic love involved, but have incest, violence, and terrible terrible things going on.

((((((((((((((((((Pickle)))))))))))))))))))))))

GUESS WHAT??? I just sent a really mean note to that family member. I finally told her off. I don't even feel bad about it. I shoved that "you need help" thing right back down HER throat!!!!
hehehehehe It was probably wrong but I don't care! She asked for it.

YAY for you!! Good job!!

Hooray for you for standing up to yourself!!! I'm proud of you!

Sense you got that off your mind - now may be a good time to hibernate from the toxic family.

Not to scare you - you may want to be prepared for a return letter in equal strength and tone...

Sometimes it feels good just to stand up for oneself, Pickle. I'm glad it made you feel better. Perhaps it needed to be done.

She did reply, of course, playing on the "you're delusional" side of things. Which I think is funny 'cause she's taken so many drugs, she doesn't know up from down most the time. She also said good bye forever.
Thanks for your responses. I am going to get away from them after my Mother's visit. I can't wait until it's over and done with. It's like having to go to the dentist to get your teeth pulled out. I just want to get it over with already!