I don't even know why I bother to continue living. I am 36 year old male and have no motivation or expectation out of life. Just sit home and watch TV and play video games. I used to ride my bike but I cant be bothered with that anymore. I wish I could kill myself sometimes, but i don't think i can do it. All the options I can think of are too violent and I don't want to risk a failed suicide where i am left alive but disabled either.

[CANDC]

Sorry to hear you are feeling so depressed. I am surprised you did not use a trigger icon to protect those that may be easily thrown into a trauma state by the thoughts you are expressing in your post.

Sorry to hear you are feeling anxiety and depression. Those can be big challenges especially when you have to get through another day of work. Sounds like your meds doctor is not needs to change something. If you think your meds are not as effective as they could be let them know. A therapist can be an important resource for recovery.

People with suicidal thoughts are strongly encouraged to form a safety plan as described here:
Psych Central - Search results for Suicide safety plan

Getting sleep may be the single one thing that keeps me in balance. If you are not sleeping or having bad side affects, tell your doctor or psychiatrist when you can see them and tell them what is happening so they can make adjustments.

Many people find compassionate, caring people here at PC. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[waterknob1234]

Hello Illegal Toilet. Where on earth did you come up with that screen name? It does catch a person's attention. I like it. It is humorous. I am sorry you are having so much trouble right now. Do you have a therapist? That's not always helpful but it is worth a shot. I have thought of suicide too, but have come up with many reasons not to go down that road. Take care of yourself and stay safe. You are an important person, or rather service cat.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Yoda

...you have an incredible imagination and sense of humor that I appreciate. I enjoy you being here.

I'm with Yoda.

Depression is . . . highly dispiriting.

[FedUp&Bored]

I've been where you are. Feeling suicidal, but scared that you might not succeed. The reason I didn't try was that I didn't want it rubbed in my face that I couldn't even do that right if I didn't succeed. That was 46 years ago and it's only been in the past year that I finally admitted to someone else that I had been that suicidal. It's very depressing, but that's what this place is for, so that we can talk about what we're going through and feeling and nobody can lay a guilt us.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I don't even know why I bother to continue living. I am 36 year old male and have no motivation or expectation out of life. Just sit home and watch TV and play video games. I used to ride my bike but I cant be bothered with that anymore. I wish I could kill myself sometimes, but i don't think i can do it. All the options I can think of are too violent and I don't want to risk a failed suicide where i am left alive but disabled either.

Hi IT,

- vital

[Marla500]

Is the weather ok where you live? Last Saturday night after the sun went down it cooled down enough to be outside and so I sat and looked at the stars and breathed some cool air and it did me a world of good! I hope you have an outside area you can go where it's not too hot and just get some air even if you are not up to riding your bike, it might help a little. I hope you will feel better soon

[wa(o)rrior]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I don't even know why I bother to continue living. I am 36 year old male and have no motivation or expectation out of life. Just sit home and watch TV and play video games. I used to ride my bike but I cant be bothered with that anymore. I wish I could kill myself sometimes, but i don't think i can do it. All the options I can think of are too violent and I don't want to risk a failed suicide where i am left alive but disabled either.

Dear friend

i can very well relate to you. myself, 36 yrs old male, doing the very same things what you have described. i simply sit in the home using my computer. i also have a bike and i have not bothered to go for a ride. feeling myself as a burden. just living for the sake of living;

[Fuzzybear]

Depression....

Originally Posted by Rohag

I'm with Yoda.

Depression is . . . highly dispiriting.

[Dan208]

I kind of feel the same way right now. I'll be 36 next month and often regret the things that I never did in life. The only thing that keeps me going is my daughter.

[SoupDragon]

When I am feeling really down with those thoughts, I remind myself that suicide is no guarantee that things will improve, who knows what lies beyond it and maybe all this stuff on planet earth is some sort of endurance test.

May sound weird, but definitely stops me from thinking of suicide as an option.

I hope things feel better for you soon.

[Juniebug]

I can totally relate to this. All I do everyday is stay at home watching television. I feel worthless because I cant volunteer or work. I don't attempt suicide either because I don't want to mess it up and be mangled. I know how bad you feel.

[MotherMarcus]

There are times where I feel that I'm just going through the motions of living. You are not alone.

[FedUp&Bored]

Originally Posted by Dan208

I kind of feel the same way right now. I'll be 36 next month and often regret the things that I never did in life. The only thing that keeps me going is my daughter.

By the time I was 36, I had 5 kids. They were the reason that I kept going. Now I'm 60 and trying to figure out what to do with my life.

[never. happy]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I don't even know why I bother to continue living. I am 36 year old male and have no motivation or expectation out of life. Just sit home and watch TV and play video games. I used to ride my bike but I cant be bothered with that anymore. I wish I could kill myself sometimes, but i don't think i can do it. All the options I can think of are too violent and I don't want to risk a failed suicide where i am left alive but disabled either.

Hey Illegal Toilet. Catchy name. Ur coool. I don't have much to say. I went through a suicide attemt and trust me... Its not worth it. Dont worry you'll make it, happy as a horse.

[FedUp&Bored]

Originally Posted by MotherMarcus

There are times where I feel that I'm just going through the motions of living. You are not alone.

I was told by a psychiatrist that he couldn't help me because I was still "functional". I told him that I didn't want to be functional, I wanted to be ALIVE!
Go figure.