[nadiahoney]

My whole life I only wanted to be pretty. No matter how much dumb therapists will insist women -- not men btw -- don't have to be pretty to be happy -- let's face it, look at almost all the successful (that means wealth for the msot part) women out there, and all they have to do is look good and they are handed everything. And I do mean everything. They are liked and given money solely for appearance, I don't want that but I at least want to not hate my own face. Kim Kardashian is perhaps the best example. Don't tell me Oprah isn't good looking either, she was a beauty queen and she has a symmetrical face. That's b.s. I have a lazy eye, the ugliest teeth and longest face, just NOT ATTRACTIVE. With a long face you don't get a chance. I have a face that people online would make fun of (they do when it's people who LOOK like me, usually long-faced types with misshapen features.) I don't leave my house anymore because it is too much. I want to die. What can I do to help myself? No medicine helps because what I need is not available. I don't want my brain changed I want my FACE FIXED. If I thought I were supposed to be a man and I was a woman, then people (therapists) would say, oh, it's okay, she deserves plastic surgery. She doesn't have to find another way to be happy all she has to do is get surgery. But in the case of someone like me, who is miserable solely because of my ugliness, they say not to get surgery but rather therapy. I want an explanation -- just why is it okay to hate your face and self if you are transgendered and utterly not okay in your own body, but not someone like me? I don't get it -- and don't tell me well it's a brain glitch. How is my self hatred for myself based on appearance not a brain glitch that is just the same? Anyone know? In my opinion there is a major lie going on here, and I am sick of doctors pretty much lying to my face. I thought docs were supposed to be trustworthy. Not true.

let's face it, look at almost all the successful (that means wealth for the msot part) women out there, and all they have to do is look good and they are handed everything

Wow. Everyone has a different idea of what "success" means, I suppose.

I'm linking to a list of a slideshow of the 25 most powerful women in the world as listed by Forbes magazine.

Only a couple of them are in the entertainment field. Take a look at their faces. And don't forget that they have access to cosmetic surgery, people to do their hair and makeup, personal trainers and nutritionists and chefs, etc. for the most part, if they want it.

[Blues47]

I can empathize. Forget trying to get understanding from anyone not in your shoes...not going to happen. I will say this...surgery is not always a good option. Plastic surgeons like to sell their craft but look at all the post-surgery freakshows...the facelifts gone bad and whatnot. I wouldn't trust any of them...greedy opportunists. In many cases you end up as you were minus dignity. I get mad just thinking about it.

[Fizzyo]

[arabianhorselover]

It sounds like you suffer from body dysmorphic disorder. I also have had an eye that turned in for my entire life. It is not an easy thing to deal with, but it should not have ruined my life. Get help.

[Fuzzybear]

[KQiao]

Look at it this way. Even transgenders have to go through extensive therapy before they are allowed to undergo life-altering surgery. I had a friend who became a man, and she had to get surgery before they let him be what he felt was best for him. Get yourself some therapy to figure out if surgery really is the only option for you. If it is, then you can get the support of a therapist in finding a doctor who will help you with your surgery. Then no one can say you didn't try to get therapy first. In the meantime, maybe you can take steps to make yourself feel pretty. Buy yourself some flowers to put around the house because it makes you smile. Give yourself insanely luxurious bubble baths or whatever else makes you happy. Do some nice things for you, since you feel like you aren't getting the affection you desire from other people. Sometimes self-love can be hard, but sometimes when you are in a bad place, it's the only kind of love that you can truly rely on.

Also, maybe stop watching the Kardashians or looking at beauty magazines. The simple fact of the matter is, they're trying to sell you something and they can't sell you anything until they have you convinced that you're missing something. They have to tear you down first, and then they offer you the solution to your problem. If you were pretty, then all you'd have is a new set of problems, and the media would make sure you're aware of that.

I think there's a good TED talk video on youtube about the Stockholme syndrome involved in advertising. You'll have to look it up, but it does a good job of explaining why media actually subtly tears you down in order to sell you things to build you back up and then make you feel grateful for the nonsense they've just sold you. I'd watch out about opening up to harmful messages when this is something that you are struggling with.

[francisR]

Hi Nadia

I am sorry this is giving you so much difficulty. The thing is, we have to accept the way we look because we are stuck with it and cannot change it. That is the only way to peace of mind. Hating ourselves for it leads nowhere and just brings endless aggravation.
I am old fat and bald something I accept and don't give another thought to.
In any case, it is more the type of person you are that people will relate to much more than physical appearance. Getting therapy for this particularly from CBT or acceptance and commitment therapy, which I use would be helpful. There would be self-help literature for this from the health section of the public library or Amazon.
Then there is Nami the organization for the mentally ill which you can Google, and contact. They run peer-to-peer support groups. And there you will meet some people who have put on considerable weight due to the medication and would understand your problem, and perhaps be able to help. I really hope and pray this improves for you in the future. Take care. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[Tauren]

Are you getting treatment for the lazy eye? It's normally correctable.

A long face is not generally considered unattractive. It's DEFINITELY not considered mishapen. It's just one of many face shapes people can have.

It does kind of sound like body dysmorphic disorder, but maybe it's overexposure to all the photoshopped, surgically altered "beautiful people" in the media.

[vital]

Originally Posted by nadiahoney

My whole life I only wanted to be pretty. No matter how much dumb therapists will insist women -- not men btw -- don't have to be pretty to be happy -- let's face it, look at almost all the successful (that means wealth for the msot part) women out there, and all they have to do is look good and they are handed everything. And I do mean everything. ....

Hey Nadia,

I don't know what you should do about it, but....You're right!

It's ridiculous! Even ads for people with horrible mental problems apparently MUST show only really good looking people:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4230570-post1.html

The plot of most movies can be summarized as "Attractive people are in trouble!!"

It's so much nicer being a male from that point of view. We get to write stuff in the snow with our pee also.

- vital

[Clara22]

Hi Nadia,
Thank you for sharing. Respectfully, I do not think you want to be beautiful. I think you want to be happy. Then you think that only beautiful people are happy and loved but your first goal is to be happy. To me that is totally understandable. We all want to be happy and loved. I am not sure that your equation beauty=happiness is true. But, regardless you have the right to explore your own means to be happy and you have the right to give plastic surgery a try. In between, perhaps you can explore other paths to happiness in addition to look for surgery in order to start feeling better, you deserve it

[BudFox]

I think you have every right to feel the way you do. I don't understand why everyone wants to make this into a "disorder" that needs to be treated. Or to talk you out of it. Seems a bit cruel and invalidating. No offense intended to anyone, just my opinion.

Maybe it is just a natural response to living a society that values appearance very highly and has narrow ideas about what is desirable. EVeryone wants to belong and be admired.

I say it's ok to be angry about injustices in life. Maybe that is the helpful thing, let out the rage?