Aren't you supposed to be aware of your feelings?

I've had a ROUGH week mentally and emotionally. My aunt is the one person I confide in, but I think she is getting burned out on me.

She said something today that made me really think and question myself. "I cannot imagine having to constantly process your feelings" or something to that degree. She said she doesn't think about her feelings much.

(She has no mental problems and has never been to therapy that I know of). Is this right? Are you supposed to only think about how you feel occasionally? I'm totally confused now.

(And I've only had 4 hours sleep total in three nights).

Um, no, I don't think your aunt is "right"............

((((((( ab1018 )))))))

Hope you get good soon!

I remember at one point in my life - she said I did everything based on my head (meaning knowledge). Probably was somewhat right, as I used to be pretty closed off with my feelings.

Now she is saying I am too emotional. Not sure what to think about that - it is possible. Depression tends to make people only see black and white, not all the shades of gray.

I don't know how to respond to it. She is a big believer in faith, where I am, but not to her extent. Do you think that is where she is coming from?

Her comment sounded invalidating, but maybe she didn't mean it that way.

What is "too emotional"?

You are where you are in life ....... try not to judge yourself, it doesn't exactly help.

I do agree with what you say about depression tending to make people see black and white, not in all the shades of grey, therapy will help with that!

You could well be right in where she's coming from. Try not to take her comments personally as they are about her, not you.

Not sure if any of this is of any help......but it does sound confusing, and I relate to being confused by family..........

Take care,
Fuzzy

Dear Ab,
it's hard to know what your Aunt meant, unless you decide to ask her to clarify...but no matter what she meant, you dont' need to agree with her to be where you're at.

Maybe your Aunt is processing her feelings on some level or maybe she's not, and I hope she was expressing her love and concern, and maybe trying to understand you a bit better.

Depression can do that, black and white. It can burn out those who care for us, and it can be very intense. I think the thing to work towards is a balance of things. Process emotions but not at the exclusion of other living.

maybe she's just reacting to your intensity? Is she safe for you to ask her what she meant?

Hi AB1018!

Your aunt may be meaning well...but if she has never had
clinical depression she is most likely "out of touch" with the effects depression can have on someone.

It is great support you have with her...she appears to be a good listener..however it can become burdensome for others to listen ALL the time. Especially if she is a non-talker herself.

I have found, personally the ONLY people who really understand & listen are Medical professionals, or friends who share my DX's.

And as far as you being in touch with your feelings-Good for you. You are or are becoming more "self aware" which is a great baseline for coping.

Just finished a 9 week Cognitive Behavioural Therapy program. Being self-aware was one of the main themes that occured over & over. And I find it is helping me daily.

If you feel uncomfortable speaking to her at any time: you could start a journal & write down your thoughts?

Or join a Support group in your area?

Sincerely,
Grace03

Hi Ab,
She may have said the thing about not having to process your feelings sympathetically, Ab. She may mean well. And people of faith deal with problems differently then we who are not so faithful? My sister and brother are like that-you mention any problem, no matter what- and suddenly Jehovah will make His Holy appearance and promise to deliver me if only I BELIEVED. Ug! It can be a little frustrating. Anyway, off topic...

If you haven't had much sleep in the last three days then you're probably feeling really funked out and anything anyone says could be taken the wrong way by you at this point. You seem to be holding on to everything she's said that has hurt you. I don't think you're being fair to her. Especially if she is the one person you can confide in. Cut her some slack and try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Be grateful for all the time she's invested in listening to you when you needed to talk-don't use anything she said against her because it's not what you wanted to hear.
I think you may see things differently after you've gotten some sleep. Talk to your aunt about the comment she made about the processing your feelings and when she commented on how she thought you felt with your head. Don't hold grudges on her that she doesn't know about. Give her a chance to explain herself-she's given you that much now you can do the same for her.
(((((((((Ab and Aunt))))))))))))))
You're very lucky to have someone with whom you can confide in. Don't take her for granted. Maybe she needs to be listened to now.

with all that has been said.

My mom is fairly unemotional - a lot of times I think it is to hide the pain...Could this be a possiblity for your Aunt?

Hi everyone - thank you for the feedback. I didn't get angry or impatient with my aunt - it just made me wonder if I am "normal" about that aspect or not.