why is life so hard???:(

i have no desire for life anymore other then the fact that i have three wonderfull kids i have nothing in this world no true friends not even my husband.sometimes i wonder why im even still on this earth...anyways for about 6 months i have been in a very bad funk i feel like my life is slipping out of control and i cant do nothing to stop it.. and here lately i cant even think straight like everything is a blur,my mind spinning in so many different directions..i will admit i have thought about endin my life so that my husband can find someone to make him happy.we have been married almost 12 years we have never really had much comunication between us but lately everything is gone... or so it seems i have tried talking to my husband and explainin i need affection hell i dont even feel like a woman anymore he treats me like he haves no desire for me he will not listen to me if i try talking to him about anything important or not he answers me then says "huh" i didnt hear you.he is not my friend a friend is someone who is there for you i have thought about conseling but i cant really afford it and i have no insurance but everyday is a struggle anymore i dont want to go out of my house. i hate to see the sun rise as it means another day of pain and suffering like i said i have no desire for life anymore...can anyone tell me if this is what it feels like before u go insane????i know suicide is not the ansewr but it sure seems brighter then the life im living today

Hi Amy, and WELCOME to the Board. Do you take any antidepressant? I'm not a Dr., but I know I have felt as you do many times, and only when I finally got on the right antidepressant (Celexa) did I come out of that dark hole.

As I'm sure you know, depression distorts our perceptions, thoughts, feeling, everything.

If you saw a general MD he/she might be able to prescribe something at least to help you get out of the hole, or go to an emergency room if you have to.

You and your kids deserve for you to do whatever it takes to get help.

Warmest regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

Hi Amy

First you should know that many of the things you describe can be the result of depression. Depression makes one see only the negative aspects of things and makes us believe the worst things about ourselves even though those things are not based in reality. I can't speak for what is going on in your relationship but I think it is a very good possibility that loss of communication you describe may be partially caused by the depression and then made to seem that much worse because of the way depression colors our perceptions of things.

Whether you are truly suffering from depression or some other illness only a doctor can say, but it does seem very likely from your description. I feel very strongly that your next step should be to try to find some professional help to determine what is wrong and work on ways to get better.

Like everything we deal with insurance and expense is always on our minds but you should try to find some treatment that you can afford. Start by finding out if there is a mental health clinic in your community or call your local hospital and ask for their mental health department to find out what your options are. Many clinics will work on a sliding scale fee based on what you can afford.

You also MUST understand that feelings of worthlessness and that your family would be better off are clearly not true... that is just the way depression makes us see things. On some level you must realize how painful it would be to your husband if you were to leave, it would have a lasting effect on him and everyone in your family. Depression makes us somehow lose that "connection" between those things that we may know and what we believe. But if you can realize that just a little, or at least trust me and the others here that such thoughts are not based on reality, then you can have the motivation to take whatever steps you need to get better.

When you are really feeling poorly and out of control there are telephone hotlines and websites that you can visit to get the help you need. On the web http://www.idexter.com/understanding/depression.

This forum is full of friendly and supportive people who have been there and can understand what you are going through. Believe me you are NOT going insane but depression can make us feel as if we are. but the good news is that treatment is available. I hope you can find the help you need, and keep posting here for support and help to get you through this. Best wishes, and let us know how you are doing.

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

Hi Amy,
(((((HUGS)))) I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so badly...
You said you don't have insurance... is there a place that you can go and get free therapy... I receive my therapy and psychiatry both free because of my income... many places work on a slide scale for care. It really sounds like you need someone to really talk to and help you through what you are dealing with right now. Last week my mind was going non stop... With a little med change and extra therapy it makes a big difference. You need to really check into everything that is available to you. You never know there may be a mental health place that works on a sliding scale that can help you... Please look... it really does help....
Somebody