I should never mention my dad

...because I mentioned him today and today he left another long and upsetting message on my answering machine. I got to the phone when he was already talking but could not pick up. He spoke for several minutes leaving a message full of anger and trying to make me feel guilty and more lies about his condition to make me feel sorry for him.

And the main topic is STILL over about what to do with my mother's ashes (she's been dead for over two years now). I've already worked out with someone how to finally take care of it and I plan to do so this week. I am very skeptical of him acting as if he doesn't know this is going through, although it is possible that the cemetery has not been able to contact him.

I'm just all a mess now, I just can't deal with him even under the best of circumstances, especially not when trying to deal with my depression.

Seems to be the work of the month: grrrrrrr.

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--http://www.idexter.com

((((((((((((Dave))))))))))))

I am so sorry . I am not even sure what to say.....just know that you are in my thoughts and that I hope everything works out for you.


Heather

(((Dave))) I'm sorry you're having a hard time. My Father had a pretty tough time dealing with my Mother's passing, but his way of dealing with it was to be completely controlling. Dealing with this kind of stuff when I'm in a good place is hard. Dealing with it depressed must be horrible. One thing I do when someone leaves an angry message on my machine when I'm there is either shut it off or turn it down so I can't hear it. Then I erase it without listening to it. You don't need that garbage right now. It sounds like your plate is full and he needs to get support from someone else. My thoughts are with you. I'm sure you'll get through this. Good luck with the situation with your Dad and your Mom's ashes. Annie

<marquee> <font color=purple> (((((((((((((((((( hugs and hugs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) </marquee>

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this..
you should not have to do that..

Fathers are supposed to support their kids when things go wrong.. not the other way around..

((((((((((((((((( hugs for you )))))))))))))))))))))



<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

My arthritis is killing me these past few days again too. I was really hoping for some extended relief while I work on getting back on my feet. Last night it was throbbing in bed again and kept me awake, that hasn't happened for quite a while now. This happened before I heard from my dad so I can't blame it on that.

It will be worse tomorrow because I had to stop taking painkillers in prep for my colonoscopy on Thursday. Thursday afternoon I am going to have a scandalous affair with a curvaceous bottle of aspirin.

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--http://www.idexter.com

It's not just that he's not supporting me or making the passing of my mom difficult to deal with, it is that he is using her death as just another ploy to manipulate me.

I spent a lot of time with him before and after her death, only because I had to. The time I spend with him is really toxic. He wants to keep dragging it out, he keeps wanting to get together to make arrangements for a memorial for her. For two years now he has been stringing this along. And anytime I would try to talk to him about it, he wouldn't talk to me about it, he just wanted to schedule a time to get together to talk about it. It's like the emotional hell equivalent of it being lost in committee. I wouldn't be so cynical except for he is using the same lies and tactics to as he always has to manipulate me and other people. It is kind of shocking to me that he is now using her death to "work on me" more. It is not that I don't believe he misses my mother in any way, just that he must think that her death was the ultimate sign to get back together with me or something. He lies about talking to the officials to set up a burial in the cemetery. I don't know if this is true but I really highly suspect that the whole fact that the ashes ended up with me was part of his manipulation too. When her ashes were ready (he had donated her body to study, they use it for a year and then creamate and return the ashes) they couldn't get hold of him so they tracked me down and sent them to me. He has caller ID and I know that he selectively avoids calls to make people worry about him. It is all pretty disgusting. That's one reason I stopped calling him a long time ago, so then he started avoiding other people's calls and subtly steering them to contact me to go there to see if he was OK.

Once again ramblemania for me. I'm just trying to get through this, and to be honest right now I'm really just focusing on my joint pain and my doc appt this week. It's good to have this place to come and vent the "overflow"

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--http://www.idexter.com

(((((((((((((((((((((( dexter )))))))))))))))))

My heart goes out to you

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

((((((((((((((((((Dexter))))))))))))))

Thinking of you, through this difficult time.

Take Care,
Kris

I wish hope for us all

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

Today I'm just pretty shut down and focusing on "colonoscopy mode" preparing for tomorrow. Although not pleasant the procedure to prep has changed DRAMATICALLY over the years that I've been having this, and they are MUCH simpler now, both in terms of physical difficulty and mental difficulty. Today I was realizing that with my arthritis, I wouldn't have the flexibility to do what I would have had to do tomorrow morning "the old way".

But I can't eat anything but clear soup for the rest of today and tomorrow, and I have to take one more dose of prep medicine, the intended aftereffects of which are not the most pleasant, and also eat into my time other than for reading. And on some level it reminds me of times when my colitis is acting up. Which usually is not a bad thing because it reminds me of how I haven't had to suffer with that in a very long time, and whatever I'm feeling today (physically) will be gone tomorrow.

I may or may not have more time to post here today.

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--http://www.idexter.com

I am so sorry about all this, Dex. You are in my thoughts ((((((((((((((((((Dex))))))))))))))))))

((((((((((DAVE)))))))))))))))))

I can't remember anyone ever leaving an angry message on my answering machine, but chances are if they did I would just erase it and write them off. If it was my Dad, I'm not sure how I would respond. especially since he's been dead since 1993! You certainly have a platefull. I hope the 'scopy goes well for you (as much as possible) and you get a break from your pain.