confessions of little turtle

I am not angry any more. The anger seemed to come in the form of fits and I would break electrical and electronic gadgets. Also I am not seeing a therapist any more. My therapist herself had some problems, probably she moved somewhere else. And I plan not to see a new one till my physical problems like panic attacks and akathasia are resolved. Coz of restlessness I wont be able to sit thru the therapy sessions.

understood..I need to know your numbers.....
weight/height/bp/fbs/hdl/triglycerides...
this is important because healthy metabolism is vital for brain health..

dont have numbers with me now. havent done tests for sometime. i'll give you once i get the tests done

desiree please also get a1c

okay.
Because of the panic attacks I am not able to go outside the house. Please give me 2-3 weeks' time. I'll get the tests done and give you the numbers.

Btw my doc advised me to take an alprazoplam .25mg when I am having a panic attack. This morn I had a bad one and took the alprazolam. It helped a little.

Agree with you on that topic. We all don't need them. But for many they might be of good help and if one wants to use medication one has to be aware of that it is about finding the right medication, it's a trial and try ...

I think that when it comes to mental health care in general, it can go both ways, become better or worse. That will be connected to who is at the top, - is most popular, - what is the most popular hypotheses of the day and so on. Doctors are very different. I had to change GP some time ago. THAT had to do with a rigid view of the GP who was not willing to listen to my experiences and accused me to not be willing to admit myself to this GP's competence. He was an example on the "bow to the expert"-type. How could he treat my depression if he didn't want to know about what had helped and what had not helped in my personal depression history? Because that is what it is: PERSONAL. I found myself a new GP. My depression improved. I felt better very soon after the change in GP. So you see, here the doctor himself was a trigger and a factor that contributed to keep the depression going. To get rid of the trigger helped.

My view of depression in general is that people have to learn about themselves by a good therapist or by a well written self help book. They have to learn to see the connections between their personal MI and their progress or lack of such. If I hadn't understood that my GP was a trigger in himself, I would never have quit. Instead I would have clung to him and become more and more dependent on him because I would have become worse and wore and worse.

Please don't misread me, if a person is experiencing depression for the first time, he has to be willing to understand that the therapist perhaps cannot find the right treatment at once. What I told about was about recognizing by myself, after having learned about myself and my triggers, that this GP was not good for me. Many doctors need to learn to be more humble.

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singer47---thanks so much for sharing your experience...
you are right...doctors need to be more humble...we all need to be more humble..
i need to be more humble..
each person needs to work out their own recovery ...as much as possible...
I want a doctor who is my partner together working on my problem..

I agree that healthy self awareness is a very important piece of learning to live with depression. We are each unique and our bodies' responses are going to be different from other individuals. A medicine, a doctor, self help books are all pieces of the answer. There is no one way-
Love you all!!

I did not choose to have a mental illness....it started at age 19..
and here I am at 85 ...I survived...and some times have been ok..
some times were really good...but every day I am faced with the past and present..
I still see a psychiatrist ..and I still take celexa 5 mg every day..

I must add sometimes were very bad...

Still struggling with depression and panic attacks - they come in the morn and aft and last for about 4hrs in the morn and 1-2hrs in the aft. Can't do housework or take proper self-care. But trying to maintain a journal and follow a routine.

i need a valium...i have had a very good week but it has been very stressful...
i am tired and nervous...i really want a valium but i need to deal with my stress..
i need to either cut down on the stress now....or i could walk more or meditate or something besides taking that old standby valium...that valium is one of the greatest
drugs ever produced but it really has its problems....you get using it instead of facing reality and facing yourself....

Depression increased since 8pm y'day night ... couldn't do anything after 8pm. Today morn the panic attack started from 8am and went on till 12noon. I feel so helpless. Still trying not to give up hope.

i wish I could help more...

anybody here have any ideas for desiree...

Your wish to help me will give me more courage.

The last time I had these panic attacks the first one was worse than the one this time but they decreased and went away completely in a short time period. This time the first one is less intense but the intensity is not decreasing so fast over the days. Maybe they will go away eventually but last longer than my first episode of panic attack.

And yes please any ideas as to how I can battle these attacks. They are really painful. For now, I simply lie down clasping my chest when i have an intense attack.

Turtle, I imagine you have seen so much change in the mental health field. You must be a very strong person to have survived the changes in understanding and the public perceptions of mental illness throughout the last 60 years! You are actually very inspiring to me. Thank you for your strength. ❤️

It was the same with my last psychiatrist. So I changed to a new one who is willing to listen to me.

Thanks for your answer, little turtle! Yes, doctors need to more humble. They have to listen to their patients. To think that they have solved the problem and know how to handle it after a 20 minutes interview is a bit arrogant. To think that they don't need to understand how former health personnel did it is more than arrogant. Yes, each person really do need to work out their own recovery. There might be multiple causes intermingled. Each person has an unique genetic makeup. And each person has had to live with their genes through different stadiums in life, some with a very extreme upbringing.

It seems not fair, but we were the ones that were wronged and we are the persons that have to take the responsibility for our own health either we like it or not.

Yes, learning to live with depression, or may be more to the point; how to beat it on our best and to go along with it on our worst!

I am now close to 86....my ship is sinking both physically and mentally...
the most important thing now is to love and be loved...that works for me..
the rest of it can go to hell..even the 5 mg of celexa that I cant get rid of...
I just am an unhappy person who doesn't like dying...

maybe it is time to stop the confessions of little turtle...

I do not look at it as you being an unhappy person. I look at it as you are mourning the loss of your physical and mental vitality (though you make so much sense in this thread) and want to continue living. This thread is viral because we want to hear your story and your have so much wise advice. Thanks for sharing your story.

Some people fight death's door with all they've got. I witnessed some people live far longer than expected because they were such fighters. Since middle school, I have always viewed death fatalistically but perhaps I will become fearful again about it (like when I was in elementary school) when I am knocking on heaven's door. I think it is good to talk about feelings and fears. None of us know the exact hour and time, but we all have a future appointment with death......

I wish I could give you 30 (or more) of my years ((((((( little turtle )))))))

Love and be loved....the greatest lesson

(But so hard for so many )

fuzzy....I will die probably in the next 5 years...I will be leaving you...
I think you have great potential of helping others with depression...
I want you to be my leader...I will follow you...others will follow..
please start being our leader...forget this terrible life and move with love

I have been looking at the web site MAD IN AMERICA....I am learning a lot about the anti-depressants that we are taking...and the celexa that I cant seem to discontinue..