Feeling Worse Every Day

PsychNitrous · Feb 17, 2016, 10:03 AM

I'm so sick of having these ups and downs all the time. Yesterday I was feeling ok until my coworker had to leave for an emergency at home. Then I was anxious about whether or not she would be back today, then I was feeling pretty up the rest of the night. I didn't even feel sad or lonely when my boyfriend went home last night. Then I wake up this morning, and I just don't even want to get out of bed. I can't stay here though, I have way too much going on at work today, and half of it is rescheduled from last Wednesday, when I came home early because I felt so crappy. I feel so lost and alone, I wish I had someone here with me. Or an animal, I've started feeling so bitter towards people with pets lately. I'm just hoping that there are no hitches in my schedule today, and maybe being so busy will make the end of the day get here faster.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

CANDC · Feb 17, 2016, 02:03 PM

Sorry you are feeling so up and down. That can be very disconcerting. Work can be a source of stress but it also can be the prod that keeps us from just isolating in bed.

You might like to meet people in the Depression Support Chat on Thursday at 9PM EST. I saw this article on self monitoring and thought it might open some eyes about how we monitor our behavior and words, or not.
Self-Monitoring | Encyclopedia of Psychology

Whatever diagnoses you have, feel free to drop by and listen to a group of supportive people that will be happy to see you. Who knows you may even feel like adding your thoughts as well.

PsychNitrous · Feb 17, 2016, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CANDC

Sorry you are feeling so up and down. That can be very disconcerting. Work can be a source of stress but it also can be the prod that keeps us from just isolating in bed.

You might like to meet people in the Depression Support Chat on Thursday at 9PM EST. I saw this article on self monitoring and thought it might open some eyes about how we monitor our behavior and words, or not.
Self-Monitoring | Encyclopedia of Psychology

Whatever diagnoses you have, feel free to drop by and listen to a group of supportive people that will be happy to see you. Who knows you may even feel like adding your thoughts as well.

I saw the Depression Chat on the calendar and wish I could join in, but I get off work right when it starts. Maybe I'll try to drop by when I get home, for at least part of it.

PsychNitrous · Feb 17, 2016, 03:34 PM

Nearly halfway through my work day and I still have a migraine. It woke me up at 7 this morning, and won't go away. I'm sitting in my office with an hour to prepare before I get busy again, and I just want to close the door and cry. I'm still feeling so defensive and keyed-up from being challenged during group this afternoon. I wish I could just stop everything and take some time for me, but there isn't any.

PsychNitrous · Feb 17, 2016, 07:06 PM

Only 2 more hours of work. I've been challenged so intensly by clients today, and I already feel so fragile. I have a little time to let myself cry now, since I'm the only one left in this part of the building. I don't know how I can make it through the next few weeks. I wish I knew I needed extra help before I needed it. I can admit it now, but I have 3 more weeks before I can get in to see a pdoc, and then however long after that it takes for any medication they give me to start working. I'm pushing through, but it feels harder every day, and I hate my bad coping skills every time I use them.

PsychNitrous · Feb 18, 2016, 10:43 AM

New day, still feeling miserable. I woke up with a headache again, this time on the left side of my face. I hope it goes away sooner than yesterday's did. It doesn't seem fair that on top of the depression I'm having a really rough menstrual period this month.

Stopping to post this means I'll be late to work, but I just can't care. I wish I didn't have to go at all.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

PsychNitrous · Feb 18, 2016, 01:23 PM

I hope it's OK that I keep posting on this thread. I feel like it's something I shouldn't be doing, but I just need this space to talk still, and I guess this is better than posting new threads every couple of hours.

I feel so empty today. I'm exhausted, but I haven't slept that poorly. The past couple nights I've been in bed by 11:30 or 12, then restless sleep until about 3, then I'm dead to the world until about 7 when I wake up and can't get back to sleep. I've set alarms to get up early to exercise, but I haven't gotten out of bed before 9 once this week. I just can't feel happy unless I'm high right now, so I've had such ups and downs this week. I feel miserable all day at work, then I go home and get high and feel good. Then I wake up in the morning miserable and start the cycle all over again. I would love to quit smoking to self medicate, but I just can't stop with my depression so bad. I have nothing else to help right now, and every time I try to not smoke I come up with excuses to do it anyway.

PsychNitrous · Feb 18, 2016, 05:29 PM

3 1/2 hours until I'm done with work for the week. I'm so tired, I'm so sick of pretending I'm OK. I wish I was home already so I didn't have to deal with the rest of this night. I'm so anxious about the rest of my night, I just don't have the energy to make anything happen if it doesn't naturally. And since it's the end of the week I'm already getting emails about stuff going on next week. I've barely made it through this week, I can't even begin to consider next week. I'm afraid it'll be even worse.

Fuzzybear · Feb 18, 2016, 06:31 PM

hopeless2015 · Feb 18, 2016, 09:48 PM

Hugs to you for making it to work and through your days. I've stayed home all week in bed sleeping the days and nights away, my husband doesn't know what to do with me, work is frustrated, I just dont care about anything right now

Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk

Bill3 · Feb 18, 2016, 10:01 PM

PsychNitrous · Feb 18, 2016, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Hugs to you for making it to work and through your days. I've stayed home all week in bed sleeping the days and nights away, my husband doesn't know what to do with me, work is frustrated, I just dont care about anything right now

Sent from my XT1058 using Tapatalk

Thanks, I'm sorry it's hard for you right now. I wish I could do the same, I just can't not keep going.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

PsychNitrous · Feb 18, 2016, 11:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

Thanks.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

PsychNitrous · Feb 19, 2016, 01:40 PM

I'm still in bed today, probably will stay until my boyfriend gets off work and comes back. It's been nice, until my head started hurting again. Weather changes are killing my sinuses this week. I had so much anxiety last night, but so far nothing today. It helps that I got an email from my coworker about next week again. She's splitting up some new work differently so I won't have to do any of it, which is really helpful.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

PsychNitrous · Feb 19, 2016, 02:35 PM

Finally got out of bed, it's 1:30 already. I guess my high from this morning has worn off, because I'm not feeling well now. Indecisive and anxious. But I am thankful that my current problems haven't interfered with my ability to give myself my medication this morning.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

ScientiaOmnisEst · Feb 19, 2016, 02:48 PM

Don't worry about posting. Writing out your thoughts and feelings in a safe place that allows for feedback can be immensely therapeutic. So go ahead!

I'm really sorry you're feeling so crappy. I've never been severely depressed, but I have zombie-walked through the day ruminating, or just wanting to curl up and cry. It's awful.

avlady · Feb 19, 2016, 03:13 PM

i feel for you and your migraine headaches. my husband smokes weed because of them and the pain goes away when hes high which is almost 24/7. i don't mind because it makes him able to do everyday things especially the things i cant do. i am on several meds and can't smoke pot, but i would if there were no meds available. i also get migraines, and i hate them. maybe you should see a doc and get a cat scan or mri?good luck

PsychNitrous · Feb 19, 2016, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by avlady

i feel for you and your migraine headaches. my husband smokes weed because of them and the pain goes away when hes high which is almost 24/7. i don't mind because it makes him able to do everyday things especially the things i cant do. i am on several meds and can't smoke pot, but i would if there were no meds available. i also get migraines, and i hate them. maybe you should see a doc and get a cat scan or mri?good luck

Thanks, I smoke and it helps sometimes. I can never tell if I have a migraine or just a sinus headache, since I have horrible sinuses. I may have to have it looked into someday, I've never had consistent, good insurance, so I've tried to avoid doctors.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

PsychNitrous · Feb 19, 2016, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScientiaOmnisEst

Don't worry about posting. Writing out your thoughts and feelings in a safe place that allows for feedback can be immensely therapeutic. So go ahead!

I'm really sorry you're feeling so crappy. I've never been severely depressed, but I have zombie-walked through the day ruminating, or just wanting to curl up and cry. It's awful.

Thanks. It helps to hear that others aren't bothered by my posting. I don't like feeling like I'm in the way, but I frequently do.

Today has become a curl up and cry day. And I understand the zombie state all too well. My anxiety is too bad to let me hibernate when I'm depressed, so I have to force myself through the day. It's not easy.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

PsychNitrous · Feb 19, 2016, 05:30 PM

Well, it seems like every little high comes with a low anymore. My boyfriend came home from work in a bad mood, and I fell apart. I spent nearly an hour curled up on the couch crying, then got up and sat in the bathroom for almost another 1/2 hour. I still want to just cry. I hate that I can't do anything to help my boyfriend feel better, and I feel like it's my fault he blew up. I feel like I've stressed him out too much with all my problems, and he couldn't take having a bad day.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

PsychNitrous · Feb 20, 2016, 07:29 AM

I can't believe my last post was only 13 hours ago. Yesterday was so terrible, I just can't put it out of my head. I need to try to get back to sleep, I was up with my bf already this morning, before he left for work. I'm anxious about how his day will go today.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk

PsychNitrous · Feb 20, 2016, 02:05 PM

I feel so distressed today, I don't know how I'll be able to pull myself together for work next week. I can't stop falling apart about everything. I feel like I'm stuck in a void, and I'm so alone.

Sent from my SM-G900R4 using Tapatalk