today is father's day.

father's day is always hard on me.. i never met my dad, and no one ever told me anything about him (and it kills me not knowing!)

i've asked about it, but each time i've just got the answer.. well, you don't want to know- but their's the thing. i do. i do want to know.

such a meaningless day to me when i think about all the people who do have fathers they can send cards to and stuff.

oh i can't wait until it ends so i can get back to... feeling a little less crap than i do now, or something.

[Widespaces]

Holidays and days to honor groups or events have always been tough for me. A person is always expected to be excited about them and engage fully. It is hard to do sometimes with my depression. It must be even tougher when the holiday has no meaning whatsoever to you. Was there ever anyone that took on the role/duties of a father that you could acknowledge today?

Originally Posted by Widespaces

Holidays and days to honor groups or events have always been tough for me. A person is always expected to be excited about them and engage fully. It is hard to do sometimes with my depression. It must be even tougher when the holiday has no meaning whatsoever to you. Was there ever anyone that took on the role/duties of a father that you could acknowledge today?

thanks for your reply.. yes, i totally agree with what you are saying.

birthdays fall under that category for me too, and those are the hardest for me.. i just don't get why you want to celebrate another year closer to death, it's just... weird

anyway, back to the topic in question- no, their's no one

i'm unfortunate enough to be born in to a family where i was unwanted from the very start- my father as i mentioned i never met, my mother couldn't wait to get rid of me, even my grandfather had nothing positive to say about me- it sucks.

welcome to the site by the way.. good to meet you

I'm not crazy about Father's Day also. I does not mean anything to me. I never was a father and never will be. Sometimes in going to church, they will acknowledge that it's Father's Day. I would prefer that they don't bother with it.

My father passed away nearly 20 years ago. I felt closer to him than I did with my mother. When I lived with my parents, it seemed like we got on each other's nerves a lot. When I moved away, then it was different and the relationship was much better. I went to visit after my father passed away and my mother was still alive. My mother was living with my sister. It was not the same in visiting after my Dad passed away.

It seems like it's a bigger deal on Mother's Day than Father's Day. I don't know why that is?

[Fuzzybear]

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

today is father's day.

father's day is always hard on me.. i never met my dad, and no one ever told me anything about him (and it kills me not knowing!)

i've asked about it, but each time i've just got the answer.. well, you don't want to know- but their's the thing. i do. i do want to know.

such a meaningless day to me when i think about all the people who do have fathers they can send cards to and stuff.

oh i can't wait until it ends so i can get back to... feeling a little less crap than i do now, or something.

To me, it is a very sad day, too sad. My father was a good man and was my main helper. I do not know I would have the strength that my father had when fathering us, his children. But I acknowledge he was not perfect and had flows, as well. I miss him. I have many good memories of him but I always remember a bad one: my father was with cancer, he was very afraid and asked me to hold his hand. And I did not do it. I couldn't. I think I was as afraid as he was, or probably I was more afraid than him. But it still hurts me that I could not hold his hand, no matter what.

I cannot imagine your pain, but as I am going through my pain, I wanted to express my solidarity towards you in this day

[Widespaces]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

thanks for your reply.. yes, i totally agree with what you are saying.

birthdays fall under that category for me too, and those are the hardest for me.. i just don't get why you want to celebrate another year closer to death, it's just... weird

anyway, back to the topic in question- no, their's no one

i'm unfortunate enough to be born in to a family where i was unwanted from the very start- my father as i mentioned i never met, my mother couldn't wait to get rid of me, even my grandfather had nothing positive to say about me- it sucks.

welcome to the site by the way.. good to meet you

Sorry to hear that. Thanks for the welcome. I have already found so much help on this sight. I will be back often. Hope tomorrow is a better day for you! Finding help on this sight has lead me to admit my father's and brother's sexual abuse towards me as a child. I am just now starting to come to realize how it has affected my life. I have denied and suppressed it so long, it is hard to confront for me. But with the help I am finding here, and in therapy, I hope to conquer it and live the rest of my life the best I can. I am not sure which is worse, having no father or having the kind of father I had. There was a lot of good in him. I need to come to terms with that.

Luckily, I broke the cycle of abuse and have three wonderful children of my own. But my abuse has still affected them and my wife. It has taken her leaving me to finally bring me to a place where I can finally admit to the abuse I endured and how it has affected me and those around me. I have alot of amends to make to them. I am so ashamed of how long it has taken me to realize how my childhood sexual abuse has affected me and my family. I hope I can learn how to cope with this and function normally the rest of my life.

[speckofdust]

Solidarity here, too. It seems like it gets more difficult the older I get.

Sent from my XT1080 using Tapatalk

This is weird, but today a couple of strangers said, "Happy Father's Day" to me. I have never had any kids. I've been Childfree. Is there something that know that I don't know?

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by will19

This is weird, but today a couple of strangers said, "Happy Father's Day" to me. I have never had any kids. I've been Childfree. Is there something that know that I don't know?

No, it's the same with me and mother's day. I got wished happy mother's day a lot when I lived in NYC. Since then, not so much because I have stopped going out since my back got so bad. People just assume you have kids because most people do.

well,

against all odds, the day ended (the pain was that bad, i really didn't think it would!)

Possible trigger:

i nded up getting really involved in the thoughts, and actually becoming really suicidal over it... it was just really painfull- you know, never meeting my father, my mother's in another country glad i'm out of her life, and i'm here alone wondering.. well if i can't talk to my family, who can i talk to- does anyone actually care?. anyone?

i ended up with all the voices in my head talking and feeling really desperate.. ugg it was so horrible- it got worse after that, and i may post it in the daily check in thread

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

well,

against all odds, the day ended (the pain was that bad, i really didn't think it would!)

Possible trigger:

i nded up getting really involved in the thoughts, and actually becoming really suicidal over it... it was just really painfull- you know, never meeting my father, my mother's in another country glad i'm out of her life, and i'm here alone wondering.. well if i can't talk to my family, who can i talk to- does anyone actually care?. anyone?

i ended up with all the voices in my head talking and feeling really desperate.. ugg it was so horrible- it got worse after that, and i may post it in the daily check in thread