[Fuzzybear]

I hope you're ok,
Thinking of you,

((((((((((((((((((((Heather))))))))))))))))))))

Take care,
Fuzzy xx

P.S. Wondering whether I was seeing things, or did you do a "Fuzzybear" ??

[heatherm]

(((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))))

Yes hun I did do a Fuzzybear LOL...you made me smile - thank you .

Oh gosh I am in bad shape here hun . I just emailed Tomi and told her what happened too....Mike (my bf) admitted to me last night that he has lied to me for months and months...he has gambled away everything we have on poker machines. All of our savings....credit lines, visa cards etc. I am completely lost here....I don't know what to do. I want to kick him out but am so scared.

To top it all off...he has blamed me for months as to his problems....I kept begging him to open up to me and tell me why he was always gone....I thought there was another woman for a while now as he was gone so much. He bought his mom's bakery last year and there is nothing left even in the business account....nothing at all . I feel so stupid not seeing this. My ex husband was addicted to porn and now my bf is addicted to gambling. What is wrong with me?

I am going through so much lately I can't see my way through it all. With my health problems, all the deaths in my family and now this? I am having trouble coping. I started to post this on the board and then got scared and deleted it . Thank you for seeing me on here though. I have nowhere to turn but here. My brothers and sisters don't speak to me....I miss my Mom so much. I was sitting at her grave this afternoon crying to her as I wish she was here with me . I am scared.

Thank you for being there for me....I am sorry for dumping this on you hun....I just don't know what to do.

Love you xoxo



Heather

[dexter]

{{{{{{heatherm}}}}}}

I feel so bad for the situation you are in, both emotionally with your b/f and also having to worry about money now.

Does your b/f at least realize that he has a problem? Is he in counselling or willing to go to counselling or therapy? If he is not willing to work on the problem or won't admit he has a problem then he will probably never change.

Will you be OK financially? I hope this isn't going to cause more trouble for you. There are agencies that counsel for financial planning and maybe they can help you out. At the very least I would talk to them about separating everything involving money... bank accounts, credit cards, etc. keep his separate from yours so at least he can't do this to you again.

I know addiction is a serious and difficult problem but what a terrible thing to do, bringing you down with him, without trying to get help or talk about it before it hit bottom.

I hope everything works out. I guess for now you just want to work through the emotions of it. I am glad you are here.

{{{{{heather}}}}}

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

[heatherm]

(((((((((Dave)))))))))))

Thank you so much. Your support means a lot to me.

Yes he does admit he has a problem but isn't doing anything right now to fix it. He only admitted it to me last night when he came home late and I pretty much demanded where he was.....I was devastated to say the least. Trust has always been a major issue for me.....that is gone now. I opened myself to him completely and then for this to happen? It is so hard for me to cope right now.

We have been together over 4 years now (living common law)....we have a son together (William is 3) and Timmy is from my previous marriage (he is 8). My emotions are all over the place today and I am unsure as to what my next step should be. I am seeing my doctor on Wed for follow ups (with all my health problems going on) and go from there. I am also looking into a local gam-anon group here locally (I hope there is one).

I am crying one moment and then reading your post about the man in the Six Flags commercial made me laugh - thank you.



Heather

[Peanut61]

Oh, gawd, ((((((((((((Heather))))))))))) = this REALLY SUCKS!!! I am just floored that this has happened to you on top of everything else.

I'm so sorry....

XOXOXOXO, Jill

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[nightdream]

I am so sorry sweety! You really didn't need this.

((((((((((((((((((((((Heather))))))))))))))))))))))))

with love
nightdream

[SeptemberMorn]

<font color=purple>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Heather}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</font color=purple>

You'll be fine, Sweetheart. I've got faith in you and we're all here to support you and help you through.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Heather}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so very sorry - for what it is worth, I love you dearly and I hate to see you in such pain.

You certainly didn't need this right now - emotional support should have been at the top of Mike's list, not gambling.

Please don't make any rash decisions. You've had so much thrown on top of you lately. You are a strong, level-headed woman who will make the right decision and get back on track.

You and the boys + Alex and myself could all get a house together.........built in sitters. I've always liked Canada.

Sending you lots of love - with genuine concern as well.

xoxoxox


<font color=blue>To see the wonders of our world, look at it through the eyes of a child</font color=blue>

[Rapunzel]

Oh, Heather. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} All the stuff that you have been through lately is just unreal! I can't imagine how you are holding up as well as you are. Stick with us. There's always a shoulder to cry on here.

You're on the right track to insist on your bf getting treatment for his gambling problem. I'm sure that he has been under stress along with you all this time, and that he turned to that as a way to cope, probably hoping that he would beat the odds and be able to save the day with his winnings. Just from playing solitaire on the computer, I know something of what that feels like. The potential to win seems like a lot, and you just lose a little bit each time you play, and after a while it becomes compulsive. "I just have to try one more time and try to win back what I've lost!" But what happens is you dig yourself deeper and deeper, and the situation gets more and more hopeless, but you still think maybe next time I'll win. I can work myself really deep into depression just playing solitaire that way. I'm so thankful that I haven't gotten into real gambling. I'd be lost. There are some really good treatment programs for gambling though. With some help, he can turn it around.

Hang in there, hon. I know you are. And you don't always have to be strong. It's ok to ask for support when you need it, both here and in 3-D.

Luv Ya Sis,
Wendy

<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>

[heatherm]

((((((((((Jill)))))))))))

I feel like I am in a movie or something....nothing seems real to me right now.

Thank you as always for your never ending support to me.

xoxo


Heather

[heatherm]

(((((((((((nightdream)))))))))))

Thank you for being there for me. You are so right....with everything going on...this was the last straw for me.

xoxo


Heather

[heatherm]

(((((((((((((Tomi)))))))))))))))

You are so good to me. Thank you for having faith in me....I am trying to find it too. I did get your email too.....thank you.

xoxo


Heather

[heatherm]

((((((((((Mary Alice))))))))))

I think that is a wonderful idea.....Nova Scotia is beautiful this time of year. Gosh and employment in your field is always in demand here.

Thank you for always being my friend through all of this....you are such a sweetie and I am so lucky. I am really trying hard not to make any quick decisions....its hard though to not tell him to take a hike! I am the first person to tell anyone else that though aren't I. I am trying so hard to be strong but right now I cannot get over the lies. Our whole relationship feels like one big lie.

xoxo


Heather

[heatherm]

(((((((((Wendy))))))))))

Gosh I wish we all lived closer here....you are all being so wonderful to me. Thank you.

He has had this problem for years now. I did give him an ultimatum almost 3 years ago (he had blown most of my paycheque on machines when he said he was gone out to pay our bills then). He promised it would never happen again....he would talk to his doctor, etc. That never happened and for the past several months I begged - literally begged him to open up to me. I have put up with so much and was wearing blinders with all of this. He denied it everytime I asked if he was gambling so I had all my trust in him that he wasn't. That has been the hardest thing to swallow with all of this.....the lies and betrayal of trust. I told him since we first met, be honest with me and I am with you for life. Now he has admitted that he has lied for ages now about so many things.

If he took any steps to get help I think I would support him....but today all he is doing is sleeping. He started closing on Mondays (he started opening the bakery on Sundays). I asked him this morning if he is going to make any phone calls (gamblers anon, etc) and he looked at me like I have 3 heads. . I feel like I am not important enough to want to get help....he actions are proving that to me.

I just feel so lost and alone. I gave him so much and he trampled on me. Feels like I am wearing "sucker" on my forehead.

Love you too sis....thank you.

xoxo


Heather

[Rapunzel]

It would be nice if we lived close enough to get together and support each other IRL. That, or have teleportation, so that we could just pop in where we want to be. The internet is almost like that sometimes.

It's not that you aren't important enough for him to get treatment. Yes, what he has done causes devastation for you, but as with any of our issues, we can't get better for someone else. We have to do it for ourselves. He does too, and maybe he lacks the confidence, or doesn't feel like he is worth it. Still, you have a right to some stability in your life, and if you can't live with this, then it is your choice to give him an ultimatum and to separate yourself from him if it is in your best interest and that of your children. Can you restrict his access to bank accounts and credit cards? It would be very hard to trust him again after this.

Love,
Wendy


<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>

[dexter]

>> I feel like I am not important enough to want to get help....

Please don't feel that way. I'm not excusing him but his addiction and his fear of getting help are really coloring his judgment right now. That's what addiction does... it is overriding his judgment and caring for the things he loves most. You may be able to convince him to get help but he has to want that help in recognition of what the addiction is doing to his life.

I wish you the best with this. For his own sake as well as yours, don't let him off the hook. If you are able to find a support group they may be able to offer suggestions in convincing him to get help.

I also have to say that despite the stress and anxiety that you have to be going through, you seem to be taking all the right steps in handling this... expressing your fears, thinking of things like gam-anon, judging his sincerity for getting help, and especially knowing when to take a step back before making a decision to be sure your thought process is as clear as possible. Hang on to that strength (but don't think that that means that you have to "act strong" all day long).

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((Heather))))))))))))))))))

All this totally sucks, I am so sorry. I am keeping you in my thoughts,

Love,
Fuzzy
xoxox

[heatherm]

(((((((((Wendy))))))))))

I could have handled the money situation....it would have been so hard yet I could have helped him with that. It's the lies and betrayal that have hurt me beyond. I gave him so many chances to open up to me and he made a choice of not doing that.

The only reason he finally admitted (he told me) was because he went flat broke and knew I was going to find out.

You are right though...he has to get better for himself....the same goes for me. My thoughts right now are on my 2 boys.

xoxo


Heather

[heatherm]

((((((((((Dave)))))))))))

Thank you.....I guess what I have been feeling is that I never felt important to him. I used to say that to him all the time....there is a totem pole and I am so near the bottom. It just hurts because I am such an open person....so trusting and I feel like that was taken advantage of.

I am trying to keep a clear head through this... calmness on the outside but inside I am broken.

xoxo


Heather

[heatherm]

(((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))

Thank you so much for noticing me earlier though....I don't know if I would have said anything and it is helping me so much to know how much you guys care.

You are so right....this totally sucks. I am glad I never take anything for granted.

Love you too hun xoxo


Heather

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Heather}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Just giving you your daily hug and letting you know I'm praying for you. Remember, it's always darkest before the dawn... and how beautiful a dawn can be!






<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[heatherm]

((((((((((((Tomi)))))))))))))))

Thank you so much. Your encouragement and support is what I need.

Love you
xoxo


Heather