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I'm sorry. So sorry. So much stuff. So much bad. Am all bad. Too much happening. No energy. Can't cope. Sorry for wasting time, space and energy again. I suck. Crying crying want to hurt myself but not allowed. T trying to help. Worried about me. I'm sorry. Don't mean to be bad. Sorry I said anything. Sorry. Nothing really bad. Same old crap. Same tapes in my head. Won't leave me alone. Trying failing can't deal. So tired and fed up with my life. Little "Me" won't stop trying to cry and hurt and just wants me to feel bad. Keep bottling. Not allowed to be sad or mad or anything bad. So much work in therapy. Twice this week. Nothing seems worth it. Trying to hold on. Told "I can do this" but don't know anymore. So hard to get up. So hard to not think bad stuff. Just want to forget the bad stuff. Want to be free of my stupid problems.

Gonna go back and hide now. Sorry for being me. So sorry for so much.

Unmissable Unloveable Horrible Me.



(not suicidal, don't worry... want to SI ... )

sorry Christina...you can't scare me away!!

i LOVE you!!!

...when you find a good hiding place come find me...i want to hide too!!!

Why are you being nice? I don't deserve it. They all told me so. I don't deserve it.

I try to hurt and scare away all the nice people in my life. Can't get close. Dont want to be hurt. Abandoned. Bad ucky word. Cant depend on anyone. Not allowed to feel bad. Not allowed to complain. No emotions, they're bad.

Hiding place is not posting here. Isolate in real life. Need to be away from people. Cant let anyone see my uckiness. Not even T. Try so hard to hide.

I want to be nice to you because i like you. Because you have been nice to me!

I only want to listen to you and I don't care what "they" say. I think you do deserve for me to be nice to you.

i already said you can't scare me away. i can't promise that i will never hurt you. but i'll try to not hurt you - ok.

why aren't you allowed to feel bad? why can't you complain? why can't you feel emotions? Emotions hurt - but they aren't bad.

i understand wanting to hide. but i want to hide because i can't deal with life. i can't deal with all the pain.

you can show me your uckiness. i don't care how ucky you are! i still like you...you don't have to hide from me...you can send me a message if you don't want to post here...

You sound like a friend of mine IRL ... that's a good thing.

(((gostryter)))))

I suppose I will take off the PM blocking thingie and send you a message. Might not make sense. Hard to string thoughts together.

(((((((((((christina))))))))))))

i would like to get a message from you

christina, let me vouch for gostryter, who is pretty much singlehandedly getting me through an absolutely horror-filled night. hasn't run after what i had to say -- won't run from you. and neither will i. maybe if we share our uckiness it won't be so ucky to either of us.

(((((((((big hugs))))))))

candy

No one is unloveable. I've never met a person I didn't like. =]

Don't ever feel unloved. <3

Who told you so? Of course you deserve people being nice to you!! What you don't derserve is being smacked in the face with this depression. None of us deserve that!

You're not scaring me away either - but I do worry! You are very special!

~~~~~~~~~~~canders~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why, oh why say your sorry to ur family and friends, here @ PC. Thats what we do, cry alittle, console each other, help you thru the maze and fog of this derpersion. There is that light far of in the dimly light corner of your mind, thats us reaching for you.................. hands out-streched hoping u will grab on...

t-huggs........................

Christina,

You're a good person, you're always helping out people here and you're loved for it. Don't lock all the feelings away, you should say how you feel if you're up to it, pretending you're fine takes even more energy out of you...

(((((((Christina))))))

If I understand what you are saying does that make me a horrible frog. It is so hard to function when everything is so mixed up. Sometimes just getting out of bed is a monumental task.

When life throws us a load of rotten tomatoes we feel poopy. That "make tomoto soup" idea is ridiculous.

Just to try and lift you spirits a little bit....first one to fill a gallon jug with tears wins. Have to warn you I have a head start..

I think you are a special person and miss you when you are not around



Stay in touch. I care

((((((((((((((Candy)))))))))))))))

Sorry I didn't see this before.

Send me a PM whenever if I can help or listen or whatnot.

(((((((((((Charles_Stover)))))))))))))

Thanks Welcome to PC.

((((((((((((((((((Sabrina))))))))))))))))))

I don't know if I should say...

Love ya

((((((((((((((Tucker)))))))))))))))

Thank you, that's very sweet and nice of you to say

(((((((((((((((((((meander))))))))))))))))))))

I'm trying... just hard to unlearn habits.

Thanks

((((((((((((((((((((((keb))))))))))))))))))))

You are a most wonderful ... frog

Hehe. Funny and kinda sad at the same time ...

You don't have to say ... but I am amazed somebody said that about you! You know you can PM me - anytime ok?

Love ya back!

(((((((((canders))))))

Reach out and take my hand. You are not going to scare me off. You are not alone. I ,like you put up barriers and walls to keep people out and at a long arms length, but letting someone in was the best thing I ever did. I know you do not know me but I am here. I am listening and reading and crying with you. I understand your pain and your feelings. You deserve to be validated and loved. Hold on and keep reaching out. You have lots of friends here and people who care about you.

I stretch my hand out to you, grab it and hold on. Maybe together we can pull each other through to the other side. I have a flashlight so when it gets so dark and we cannot see, I will hold the light until we get back into the light. Just know that you are surrounded by people who care. Those who are there to see you through this darkness. Take care of you and keep posting. I am listening.

purplesecrets

((((((Sabrina))))))))))

Sometimes family isn't so nice.

Thanks lovely person

(((((((((((purplesecrets))))))))))))

Thank you for writing ... I mean that with a lot of sincerity. I'm sad and glad someone else understands... so sorry though at the same time.

I miss you. I love you. And I think that you are a wonderful caring person.

Don't EVER appologize for being you. I don't want to lose a friend.

I know that you are hurting a whole heck of a lot right now ... and you are struggling with some intense emotions inside and out of therapy ... but you can do this. You SO can do this. Fight the SI. You are better than it.

I wish there were someting i could do. Please don't ever hesitate to get in contact me if there is ever anything that i can do. Even if you just don't want to be alone, or need someone to talk to ... even when you think you don't have anything worth talking about. Whatever it is that is bothering you ... it's significant. It's not stupid. If it were worthless or dumb then it wouldn't be bothering you as much as it is.

I hope that you are okay .... you worry me missy
Sending love and hugs
Jac

(((((((((((((((Jacq)))))))))))))))))

I miss you. I'm sorry I'm not a better friend, I know you're not having a good time either. I love you, you're awesome.

Thank you... I might try phoning you on Saturday or Sunday after the boy leaves ... so busy before that.

Thanks lovely friend

((((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))))