[SongBirdandDaisy]

I usually don't post here because I am afraid reading about depression will make me feel more depressed. So, if I don't belong here, please let me know.

I just need to reach out because I feel so completely alone and abandoned and rejected right now. I'm hiding this from my kids and husband because they worry so much and don't deserve to have to deal with this. My four sisters and two brothers are totally dysfunctional and my T says keeping my distance right now would be a good idea because they make me feel worse. They live on the other side of the country anyway. And my little brother who I am very close to is going through his own tough time in Iraq and doesn't need me whining. And my T is on vacation but I can email him and he has communicated with me but I don't want to bother him either.

So, I'm just needing some support to know that anyone out there cares. I need to know that I am not alone on this planet. All alone in a crowd of thoughsands.

SBD

[moodyblu]

No...you're not alone...." alone in a crowd of thousands", of which too many feel alone and abandoned ...just like you.
We all feel this way....lost in the crowd...at times.

I'm sorry you feel so poorly right now...I care. I'm sorry you're family is not too supportive... mine is sorta that way too. You should really talk with you're husband about this too though...he really needs to know how you feel. It's important.
Take care "song bird daisy"...hmmm...music and flowers...lovely combination!
D.

[gostryter]

((((((((((((((((((SBD))))))))))))))))))))))))

i'm sorry for your tough time!! you are definitely not alone...im very glad you posted!!!!!

please keep posting and feel free to PM me!

i do agree with moodyblu...talk to your husband! you don't have to go into great detail...but at least let him know you aren't feeling very well...i'm sure he senses something anyway!

take care hon!! we're here!!

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Moodyblu, thanks for the reply. It's hard to talk to my h about this. When he worries, he gets angry and that is part of the problem. He does try but I seem to be falling back upon my old survival behaviors and isolating myself more which causes more isolation etc. And I still can't get my intellectual side to connect to my emotional side (whereever that went to).

Now I feel like I'm whining. Sorry.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Gostryter, thank you also for the reply. You make a good point about why I should let my h know. When Moodyblu suggested it, I quickly dismissed that avenue. Then you suggested it and it caused me to remind myself how he had been supportive in the past. And an agreement that I signed with my T about such things.

Maybe I can muster the courage to do so.

I'm sorry for being such a bother to everyone. Reaching out may have been a mistake. Sorry.

[gostryter]

((((((((((((SBD))))))))))))))

i know we all feel like we're bothering each other...which is silly when ya think about it...that's what message boards are for! but i know how you feel and you are not bothering anyone!!!

i know when i have to tell my parents something about me being depressed....like just recently when i had to be put in the hospital....i tried reassuring them that i was OK. sometimes when we share our families start thinking the absolute worst right away...that may be where you're husband's anger comes in - he pictures the worst case and knows there's little he can do about it.

but maybe if you tell him that you are feeling really badly right now...but that you are OK you just need some support...and maybe have some examples ready to give him like helping you around the house or making dinner or holding you or just listening...etc. that way he doesn't feel helpless and you get the support you really need!!!

just some thoughts...

at any rate - we're here for you!!!

[Christina86]

(((((((((SongBirdandDaisy))))))))))))))

You are not whining in the slightest. You're expressing how you're feeling, which is perfectly okay and valid. I have 'toxic' family members too, sometimes family has a nasty habit of making us feel worse about ourselves instead of better.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I understand about not wanting to read here because you're afraid you'll get more depressed - that's sometimes how I feel.

Sorry your T is on vacation, but you're not wasting his time if you email him. That's his job, and I'm sure he cares about your wellbeing and wants to make sure you're okay.

Anything I can do to help, let me know. Send me a PM if you ever want to talk about anything. I'm not the best at advice, but I listen.

Many good thoughts going your way.

[pegasus]

(((((((( SongBirdandDaisy )))))))

I know how it is to feel lonely, and unable to share what is going on with my family. The only person I really talk to is my T.

But when I am feeling lonely and in despair I come to PC to share with other people who truly understand how it is.

I'm here if you need.

[stefano]

How strange, when I am depressed, the only thing that soothes me is reading and talking about depression.
Well, sorry for your bad time. Please, try to focus on the intensity of your pain, and use it to gain the awareness that you have right to complain. You are not bothering anyone here, because we all know what it means to feel like that.

If your h gets angry when you are sad, it makes perfectly sense considering the different tendencies to relate that men and women have. A man will likely feel as the breadwinner, and if you suffer he must either DO something to solve the problem right now, or feel a failure. His frustration then converts into anger. Of course he should give up his excessive responsibility, and just listen to you. But it is too difficult for him. The whole thing is explained in Richard O'Connor's "Undoing depression". If you and h would read it, that would help you surely.

The best of luck!

[moodyblu]

I'm sorry you feel you can't talk to him right now. It's a shame when communication seems blocked...by whatever.
Sometimes men don't know how to show other emotions so it comes out as anger. Perhaps it really is fear. Fear of change...finantial setbacks...security...that ever present...unknown. Still gotta talk sooner or later.
I don't know...but I'm sorry...don't you be sorry though...it's O.K. to vent when you have to. You're frustrated and tired of feeling lousy about it.
It's good to talk about it. Talk...If you want...I'll listen.
regards...dan

[SongBirdandDaisy]

gostryter, those are some very helpful hints. I shall definately try them. I think my h doesn't really understand because I'm going through therapy for child abuse and that was a long time ago and he doesn't undersand why I can't just "let it go". I never even knew I was depressed until I finally went to T because it was either that or something really bad.

Thank you for the support and for caring. It does help to be able to talk to someone. To know someone is out there.

SBD

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Christina, T says it's okay for me to email but I always feel like I'm being a bother so I just wanted to let him have his vacation. But I did email cause it was the safe thing to do.

I shall keep you in mind to PM. I just don't know what to write.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Pegasus, thank you for the conversation. When things get like this, I feel like I'm the only person in the world who isn't able to feel life. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone.

Hugs, SBD

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Stefano, your insight into h's world is very helpful. Thank you. I have heard of people being able to use their depressive pain to catapult themselves into action. I'm glad that works for you. You must be an artist

I am going to look for the book you suggest. It sounds like something that would be very helpful. I know it must be difficult for h to not understand what is happening. But I don't know how to help that. I will try and be more communicative - maybe that will help both of us.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

Thanks, Dan, for the advice. You are right, we do need to talk because this depression will only create a bigger wedge. There are just so many things I am dealing with in t, depression is the symptom of the "big thing".

I am tired of feeling lousy. I'll feel real good and hopeful and make progress and than this stupid depression hits me with a ton of bricks and seems to undo all the good stuff.

[bipolar_bear]

I wish you could see what a wonderful person you are. And that you are not a bother and are worthy of peoples caring and support. I hope that comes with time. I hope you recognize how many people do care for you here and take the comfort that can bring.

Families can be so tricky. I am sorry that you are unable to find support here but take advantage of the support your T offers.

Take care.

BB

[SongBirdandDaisy]

My Fuzzy White Bear

To All The Kindness Given To A Stranger

Sometimes the black clouds cover all the light and crawling around in the darkness, trying to survive, a comfort touches us unexpectedly and keeps us warm and safe while the clouds loom over head. And then the clouds begin to fade away and we can see all the comforts that were always there in the darkness, keeping us company and offering support. . . .

[sassypants]

I am so sorry you are feel so alone.

Please know that you are loved here and you can pm
anytime.