Are you ashamed of your depression?

Humpty Dumpty · Aug 30, 2016, 02:39 PM

Are you ashamed of your depression? If so, why?

I am very much ashamed of mine. So often I am fighting back the urge to cry. As a man I feel like like I should be stronger than that. Crying shows weakness & I should be stronger and have better control of my emotions. There are people that have tried to tell me differently (mostly women) but I disagree with them.

Guard your thoughts, for thoughts become words. Guard your words, for words become actions. Guard your actions for with actions come consequences.

Deeplyhurt77 · Aug 30, 2016, 02:46 PM

Yes, i am ashamed. I have lost friends and jobs because of its ruining my life. I too always have to hold back tears. Ex boyfriends use to get mad at me if i cry, saying that's how i try to get what i want. Well that's BS, dumb-asses, i cry because i am hurt.

Fuzzybear · Aug 30, 2016, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deeplyhurt77

Yes, i am ashamed. I have lost friends and jobs because of its ruining my life. I too always have to hold back tears. Ex boyfriends use to get mad at me if i cry, saying that's how i try to get what i want. Well that's BS, dumb-asses, i cry because i am hurt.

That reminds me of one particular ex boyfriend, many years ago

He didn't even say that, just that he wasn't interested if I cried on Sundays

I guess at least he was honest .... I wish that freakin mean t hadn't pretended to like me

(IRL)

Humpty Dumpty · Aug 30, 2016, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deeplyhurt77

I too always have to hold back tears. Ex boyfriends use to get mad at me if i cry, saying that's how i try to get what i want. Well that's BS, dumb-asses, i cry because i am hurt.

I have never been told anything like that but in my mind I always feel like they think I'm a cry baby and just looking for attention. In reality it's the opposite. If I'm crying I don't want you drawing attention to it.

Yours_Truly · Aug 30, 2016, 03:08 PM

I am so ashamed. I mean, I'm a failure at life, at living.

catnip123 · Aug 30, 2016, 03:38 PM

Yes, I am ashamed of it and embarrassed by it. It seems to me that I have some type of character flaw or am a wimp because of my depression.

PenguinExMachina · Aug 30, 2016, 03:48 PM

Yes. I feel that I shouldn't be depressed, that I should not be in this place. Others have experienced far worse abuse than I did. And even those who were with me were able to come out relatively unscathed. They were able to move on. But they did not experience everything that I did, so really, I guess I am being unfair to myself. I don't know. I am ashamed that I am not stronger.

Aug 30, 2016, 03:52 PM

I don't think I'm ashamed of depression, but more what has come with it. I'm ashamed that I chose to self harm as a way of coping. Ashamed that I have attempted to kill myself several times. Shamed of being in hospital. Ashamed of how my life has gone. I had a relationship, house, job, and a life. Don't have any of that now and it's a long road to try and get any of that back again.

hopeless2015 · Aug 30, 2016, 04:07 PM

Yes, I feel a lot of guilt that I'm not coping or using my coping skills

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Unrigged64072835 · Aug 30, 2016, 04:24 PM

I used to feel ashamed, but I don't anymore. I have a chronic illness (actually a few of them). If it weren't for the illness I would be stronger. But I can only be as strong as I can be at the moment. I don't see depression as something to be ashamed of; it just is. I do the best I can do every day and be satisfied with it.

Fuzzybear · Aug 30, 2016, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I used to feel ashamed, but I don't anymore. I have a chronic illness (actually a few of them). If it weren't for the illness I would be stronger. But I can only be as strong as I can be at the moment. I don't see depression as something to be ashamed of; it just is. I do the best I can do every day and be satisfied with it.

Aug 30, 2016, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

I am very much ashamed of mine. So often I am fighting back the urge to cry. As a man I feel like like I should be stronger than that. Crying shows weakness & I should be stronger and have better control of my emotions. There are people that have tried to tell me differently (mostly women) but I disagree with them.

I'm female but kind of the same as you, just for different reasons. With me, I hate letting myself cry because I don't want to be one of those stereotypical, too-much-estrogen types of women that makes people think all women are emotional wimps who are not to be taken seriously. I'm a feminist and believe women should get recognition for the ways in which they are strong. I also believe that it should be seen as okay for a man to cry. Yet I mentally berate myself if even a tear slips out of my own eye. Internalized misogyny on my part?

But to answer the question, yes, I'm very ashamed of my depression. (And my anxiety, and myself in general really.)

Dan208 · Aug 30, 2016, 06:36 PM

Very ashamed, mainly due to the stigma that still surrounds mental illness. There's only a handful of people (less than half a dozen) people that I've told about my struggles.

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baseline · Aug 30, 2016, 10:05 PM

Yes I am ashamed.I feel like I am letting everyone down. I Try to hide it. I don't want my family to be afraid of me or afraid for me. I am doing good right now I pray this lasts!

Humpty Dumpty · Aug 30, 2016, 10:18 PM

It is sad to see that so many of us are ashamed of something we have no control over. I wish it were as simple as saying "You have nothing to be ashamed of." Unfortunately as we all know it's not.

Aug 30, 2016, 11:51 PM

For the most part I would say that I am. I feel like I have had it for most of my life. Though I feel like it's not very serious as in other cases that I know of. But depression is still there, even if it's mild.

I don't like what it's done. I feel like I have not been successful at making friends because of it. I think that others would get introduced to me and then write me off thinking that there's something wrong with me. Like I'm weird.

Jenny R · Aug 31, 2016, 01:56 PM

You are so inspiring. I love this.

Quote:

I do the best I can do every day and be satisfied with it.

Jenny R · Aug 31, 2016, 02:06 PM

I am not ashamed of the depression per se but I am ashamed of who I am. I feel like I haven't done enough with my career or my life, I can't get myself to do things for home or work.

I don't cry at all since I have been on SSRIs. They have helped to a certain extent. I don't break down in tears and I can get out of bed. No one really knows except my husband. Friends know I have it but not when and how bad. I get out, go to the office, meet friends etc. But when I am home or sometimes at the office it all falls apart. I feel numb and I just cannot seem to do anything.

EriElla · Aug 31, 2016, 02:33 PM

Oddly enough I'm not ashamed and never really have been. On the other hand, there are a select few people that I share my condition with as I don't believe in opening myself up to vulnerability with people I don't think will understand. I can only recall being afraid to tell my mom when I was a child that I felt extremely sad, irritable and hopeless because I didn't think she would understand or believe me. But of course, this was before I knew she too was suffering from depression.

I just hope you all are well on your way to finding or have found people genuinely understanding enough to be a good support system.

GGChar · Aug 31, 2016, 05:00 PM

I don't feel ashamed as much as guilty. I was really out of commission this weekend: had to get help with kids, no shower, house messy. Really felt gross. I felt like a MI parody or whatever.

I constantly ask myself "what's wrong with you? Why can't you get anything done? Why are you so LAZY?" Why can't I just get my s*** together?

And no, I don't think people understand about MI. My family uses it as a weapon and an insult so I only share things with my brother. I don't tell people bc I never want to deal with blank stares. Also, I've always been a private person and I've found some people have big mouths so I'm hesitant that way.

I don't cry either. I think my medications have just made it impossible anymore. I think it would be nice sometimes.

with or without you · Aug 31, 2016, 06:56 PM

I'm ashamed of the behavior I exhibit because of my depression.

Sep 01, 2016, 05:48 AM

I think I will always be ashamed of the attempt that resulted from my depression. I traumatized my family; a successful attempt would have really ruined them. There might be situations were suicide is understandable but that certainly didn't apply to me. When my mother got cancer, she fought so hard to hang on in order to be there for her children. I was relatively healthy, don't have it that bad, my family loves me yet I discounted their feelings. Yeah, it was horrible.

Sep 01, 2016, 06:19 AM

i think i'm less ashamed of my depression, and more ashamed that my life has turned out how it has

parents who wanted nothing more than to get rid of me

first mental health scare at 9 (taking any childhood memories i had, and a chance to finish childhood)

failing school, and spending most of it in an out of hospital until they refused to have me back

being told i can't work because of my problems

having family/ friends desert me, leaving me completely alone

attempting suicide 6 times (1 almost worked, and left me in hospital over christmas)
not having any idea or hope of a future

granted, i think depression has a part to play, but i don't belong in this world.. never have done, never will

i'm ashamed to take up so much space just doing **** all

ScientiaOmnisEst · Sep 01, 2016, 12:21 PM

Often, yes. Like I have no right to it. I've talked about it plenty on here...

little turtle · Sep 01, 2016, 12:37 PM

this is really a great thread....so many of you telling how it is....
I think we all should be given a battle ribbon with a medal...
this mental illness thing shows so many people with tremendous courage and bravery...
beyondthecall of duty....it is like being in combat....
I think I am going to give myself a ribbon for survival under war conditions..
and I am now going to wear it with PRIDE....screw the people that don't understand..
this is a terrible awful disorder...

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