Daily Check In, ups and downs #19

i can't think of anything else

I'm getting nowhere. What a loser I am.

Terrible. There are no other words for it..

Still apathetic

Nervous about Tuesday appointment. I will try to go if it's my pdoc appointment.

The days are as dark as the night.

I did not go to church today. Instead I went to have my car serviced with just an oil change. It had been quite a while since I had that done. It was overdue to do it. Also the bells were going off to tell me that the oil level was low. I don't miss going to church this morning. I'm thinking about going to another one next week (God willing {excuse the pun!}).

I felt very depressed this morning as I got up. Sunday mornings always seem to be the worst for me. However, just a while ago, I had a "feel good" moment. I was able to fix the garbage disposal that I had a problem with. I dreaded to do it, but I feel better now. It means that it works and I don't have to have it replaced - costing me money that I don't have much of!

I may not go bike riding today because it's threatening to rain. It appears that there's some rain coming my way.

Irritated

Feeling better at the moment. Paying back people who destroyed me. It's not easy but someone has to do it.

Too bad. An apology would have gone a long way but some people are just too arrogant to apologize.

It's chilly in here and I don't want to wake up. Making coffee puts me right in the middle of a cloud of flies so I haven't done that yet. There's at least one fly near my bed which is cruising around and making me nervous about drinking my juice. Everything is very depressing at the moment. I feel like I'd rather go back to sleep but I can't keep sleeping 12 or more hours a day.

I had an invasion of fruit flies long time ago. I got rid of them after I cleaned my drain. Awful!

Yes!!! Well, I'm trying, finally, apple cider vinegar in a juice bottle with only a small hole in the top of it. I'm praying this will do the trick. The kitchen sink is fly central here, the same one I've been having drain problems with. I really don't want the Janitor coming back in here ever again.

I feel not as bad as yesterday.

My average mood is "meh". I know my diet contributes to that. I get tired of "taking care of myself".

Feeling meh. But I managed to drag myself to work, so that's something.

loser not.jpg

Hang in there...

Yep, doing 3 loads of laundry, said prayers, made my daughter's lunch, cleaning up my room, read one day at a time.

Something has to change - I'm barely functioning. Sleeping weird hours, wandering around because I don't have anything better to do. I don't care about anything, don't want anything. I hate being inside but I don't want to go do anything. My next job probably isn't going to come through, so I need to restart that effort.

I hate living. I just hate it. Nothing feels worth it.

Nobody cares, so why should I?

I'm suffocating, I'm mentally wasting away. I don't know how much more I can take - I've said it before but something has to change. I just don't know if I can do anything at all...

Today was extremely slow at work. It was a record breaker, I think, for the least amount of items coming in and going out. Very long and draggy day.

Getting scared and my life memories are coming to me. There's plenty of bad but it's the good ones i will focus on. I have a serious health scare right now. I was going to stop coming to this site but i need all the support i can get. Wish you all better days ahead. :grouphug :

Love it!

Was irritated but after reading this thread now I'm amused , thanks y'all