Daily Check In, ups and downs #19

I feel exhausted. I feel whiny. I feel incapable of doing better. Want to sleep. Anyone else feel like a thread killer at times? Just wondering where you all went to. Sometimes i wonder if ignorance really is bliss.. or better than knowing too much.

I'm going to lose my mind if that pos downstairs doesn't turn that effing noise off. I fervently pray for them to disappear.

I'm having a sad day and that damned freak is at least 50% of it.

I have to be at work in 5 hours. I haven't slept yet. Honestly I don't have any intention of making it to work. I have to leave thehouse so my parents don't question it but I'm not sure where I will end up... nothing good will come of this

Really wonder ........

I've been wondering if it's worth my time to be here... Bad few weeks.

I saw my p-doc this a.m. and he rushed me out of the office and told me to see my therapist and take Xanax.

Well, so far I made through my first week back to work. It's been going OK. I'm feeling depressed about negotiating for the medication I'm going to take. I wish that I didn't have to deal with it at all.

Oh, I went back to working out with the weights a couple of days ago. It's my first workout in two months. It went well. I'll keep at it. I feel like I do the very best I can to take care of myself and be very healthy. But things just come up.

Well I managed to squeeze in about an hour of sleep. My alarm was not appreciated. But I am on my train on the way to work. In the almost daylight I can think a bit more logically and realise I have no choice but to turn up. It won't be a productive day but I'll at least pretend to be willing.

I'm feeling down

It's time to get things checked at the doctor. There's areas where its obvious something is wrong. It's physical but i bet years of depression had lots to do with it.

Most of my pdocs were just there to push meds. I was addicted to anxiety meds since a teen. Really regret it.

I didn't sleep much last night either. Could have. Just couldn't make myself go to bed. I'll think of you today as I'm pretending, too!

Thank you Yes I was the same could have slept much earlier but got carried away with netflix and chatting on here. I hope your day goes ok

My day wasn't too bad. I don't feel like I got a lot accomplished because I had a lot of crazy interruptions. At least I wasn't "asleep at the wheel".

I'm going to have to run. It's already 8pm here & I still haven't left work. I think that's a lot of my problem. By the time I've eaten something, relaxed a bit, walked the dog -- I feel like I'm entitled to watch a bit of TV or check my phone. All of a sudden I'm dozing on the sofa.

I'm too tired to move, so what sleep I get is without my CPAP...

And I'm lonely... but that's another story.

Hope your day went OK and you didn't get caught snoring! haha

I made it through the whole week after a week off. Today was a slow day at work. It's been slow there lately. There are times that I feel like people are getting on my nerves. They seem grumpy and demanding.

I've discovered that I got a flat tire on my bike this morning. Bummer! I'll try to fix it tomorrow. It's such a hassle. If there's any consolation, it's the front this time and not the back. So there will not be any chains and gears to deal with in order to put the wheel back on. I have mastered changing the inner tube very well.

I worked out tonight and it went well. Though at some exercises my arm hurt. I've had that problem for a couple of months now. It feels good most of the time but sometimes there's little flare ups.

I'm over tired. Not enough sleep, too much work. I feel rotten. I'm suicidal. Feel like I'm doing every self destructive behaviour I can think of lately. I wish this would end.

A very busy day but nothing much socially. I was able to fix my flat tire on the bike. Nothing much going on tonight. I'll be watching a movie that I got from the library.

Fighting the darkness. I will not give up even though I feel like just crawling in bed and sleeping for the rest of my life.

Just one day at a time. Just need to make it through the night

I'm hear you. I'm irritated now. I can blame it on all kinds of stuff however when I strip away the dross, my reason for being angry is definitely based on the facts. I've got a lot of work to do on myself the next week or two.

Woke up every hour or two thinking what my x t did to me and wondering WHY??

Can't understand WHY he tried to get other people in my life to turn against me? He was successful too. I wonder how he'd like it if someone ruined his life? Now he would DESESRVE IT, whereas I DIDN"T.

Quite irritated

Not sure where that line is between being depressed or bored out of my mind. Nothing is satisfying. Just want to feel useful. I'm doing much better as a mother but my boy is growing up fast and those days of playing games together or just spending time doing things are not there as much. I need a job is how I'm feeling.

Hanging on. Surviving. But 1 step forward, then 2 steps behind too often. I am trying to just accept my own dance pattern... I've made it this far. that may be all.