[MtnTime2896]

I remember the night that rocked me pretty hard, I went walking along a road and drinking with my friend. I remember I stopped in the middle of the road (it was the middle of the night) and I looked up at the sky. I spread my arms and yelled, "Kill me or help me! Just don't do nothing! F***ing help me! Somebody, just f***ing help me!"

I feel like I'm back at that place, though it's more internal. It's like I'm yelling as loud as I can but everyone sees a smile. No one hears it, at least not anywhere else but this site. Even here, I hold back a lot of what I want to say and I don't know why I do it; no one here know who I am (at least not officially).
I used to have so much faith. So much and now, I just envy people who do. I wish I could have that kind of optimism, again. Just knowing, without any fact or logic behind it, that you'll be alright in the end. I wish I could be that way again, but I just don't believe.

[mindwrench]

I hear you. And I have no faith in anything besides my own mind and body, to survive the storm.

[Humpty Dumpty]

I completely understand where you're coming from. If I can help just let me know. I will help you however I can.

[Coffeee]

I feel you. It's hard to be optimistic when life seems ******. I hope you feel better in time. Remember you always have friends here on PC.

[MtnTime2896]

I really appreciate the support tonight guys.

I'm sorry your mind continues to linger in such dark places. You have overcome so much. Do we lose our faith because we have lost hope? Or have we lost hope because we are to stubborn to believe? I wonder. I lost my faith a while back and no longer feel conflicted inside about it. That comes with time. I do not know if that is a good thing or not. I do keep quiet about it when I am among believers (like my mother in law). I don't want to worry her and I am happy that her faith gives her so much peace and happiness. I respect believer's who have a true faith by practicing charity, kindness, patience, etc. I am sure believers struggle with doubts as well. I think it's part of the human condition. And I think that your internal conflict about your faith is magnified by your overactive mind. But I do appreciate the sentiment. I can relate.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Mysterious153

I'm sorry your mind continues to linger in such dark places. You have overcome so much. Do we lose our faith because we have lost hope? Or have we lost hope because we are to stubborn to believe? I wonder. I lost my faith a while back and no longer feel conflicted inside about it. That comes with time. I do not know if that is a good thing or not. I do keep quiet about it when I am among believers (like my mother in law). I don't want to worry her and I am happy that her faith gives her so much peace and happiness. I respect believer's who have a true faith by practicing charity, kindness, patience, etc. I am sure believers struggle with doubts as well. I think it's part of the human condition. And I think that your internal conflict about your faith is magnified by your overactive mind. But I do appreciate the sentiment. I can relate.

Those are actually some really good questions and you're on the spot there, my mind is way too overactive. I can't even shut it off to sleep, which is what I've been trying to accomplish that last two hours and have momentarily given up.
*Possible Trigger*
I lost my faith, I suppose fairly recently depending on your standards of time. It had been wavering for years but last year, it went out the window.
During an event that took place (the origin of my PTSD) I remember just thinking in my head at first "God will get me out of this one, I'll be okay. He won't let anything happen" which turned into "God save me, please. Please get me out of this." and at the end of it all I realized that no one saved me and no one will ever save me. It's just me; I'm all I got and it will always be that way because not even this God guy was there for me. I'm alone.

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Those are actually some really good questions and you're on the spot there, my mind is way too overactive. I can't even shut it off to sleep, which is what I've been trying to accomplish that last two hours and have momentarily given up.
*Possible Trigger*
I lost my faith, I suppose fairly recently depending on your standards of time. It had been wavering for years but last year, it went out the window.
During an event that took place (the origin of my PTSD) I remember just thinking in my head at first "God will get me out of this one, I'll be okay. He won't let anything happen" which turned into "God save me, please. Please get me out of this." and at the end of it all I realized that no one saved me and no one will ever save me. It's just me; I'm all I got and it will always be that way because not even this God guy was there for me. I'm alone.

I think we are all alone..
I am all alone...
what are the good things about you...

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by little turtle

what are the good things about you...

That, as much I can help it, I won't let anyone feel what I felt that day. With anything I have, I won't let anyone feel alone.

I'm here when you need someone little turtle.
Same goes for anyone on here.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

That, as much I can help it, I won't let anyone feel what I felt that day. With anything I have, I won't let anyone feel alone.

I'm here when you need someone little turtle.
Same goes for anyone on here.

I'm here for everyone too - I'm not feeling very verbal today, I'm sorry

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I'm here for everyone too - I'm not feeling very verbal today, I'm sorry

Don't worry. You don't have to be verbal to provide comfort. You're a gifted bear.

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

That, as much I can help it, I won't let anyone feel what I felt that day. With anything I have, I won't let anyone feel alone.

I'm here when you need someone little turtle.
Same goes for anyone on here.

I think you really mean it....and fuzzy is there...