[bluebearTIN]

feels like i can't hold it anymore
then i found myself bursting
all i just wanted is to be heard
been silent for a long time
every hurts and pains nurtured inside my heart
afraid to let it out to prevent conflicts
time passed and it grew deeper and deeper
till i fell weak and sick
without any cause i grew weaker
not even uttering a word
nobody even ask how am i doing
feels like nobody cares
it felt sad...
painfully sad for i can't mend it
i'm shouting for helpbut noone seems to hear
i felt so alone
so dark which leaves me hopeless
it took all the strengths that i have
i can't even stand on my feet
i wish i can just jump and the air will catch me
tears keep falling my eyes as the heavy rain outside
noone even lend a shoulder to cry on
till hurts and pains flow out my mouth
mindless what will they say
felt like been freed from a part of my sadness
will this solve it?
time will tell for time will heal wounds that left scars
we can't change everything overnight

-bluebearTIN-

((((((bluebearTIN)))))

I am listening and you are not alone. I can connect to each word you have written and they do make sense. I feel your pain and sorrow within and I wish I could sit next to you and quietly listen and just let you know you are not alone. You are being heard and you have taken a first step in allowing others to hear you. Thank you for taking that chance to allow me to hear you.

My heart goes out to you as each word you typed is important. Each feeling you were feeling as you wrote is heart felt. I know the feeling of just wanting someone to listen--to hear. Holding all in so not to stir anything up. But it is important to release and let go. It is then the healing can begin to take place.

I am sitting there and you can cry on my shoulder. I care and I am there. I know how the pain comes even though you do not utter a spoken word and how no one even asks how you are. I have been there. But you do not have to be there anymore. Someone is listening now.

Take care dear and keep reaching out. You are being heard and uplifted in thoughts and prayer. I am drying your eyes and holding out my hand for you to take if you will. I care and I hear you. Sending you loving thoughts.

purplesecrets

[recluse1]

(((((((((bluebearTIN))))))))))) your words are so moving and so painfully sad. but you have been very courages to share these things with us. and i am so proud of you for finding the strength to do so. keep posting. we are listening and we care. to reach out and ask for help takes a strong person. know that we are reaching right back. here to comfort and support you and listen when you have anything to say.

sending healing thoughts your way
recluse1

[debbie_tabor]

(((((((((bluebearTIN))))))))))) I'm also with you in your hopelessness, your sorrow and your aloneness.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
till hurts and pains flow out my mouth
mindless what will they say
felt like been freed from a part of my sadness
will this solve it?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Can you tell us more about this?

Debbie

[wickedwings]

(((((bluebear)))))))

[FloweringHope]

My heart aches for you, know you are in my thoughts!

SSR

[bluebearTIN]

thanks so much for your reply, what happened one night was while i was crying my dad and 2 brothers for a long while atlast try to talk to me and then my long silence ended all my hurts and pains to them it just flowed out my mouth, not minding what they will tell me or if my brothers will hurt me again. I'm scared of arguments, confrontations but all these pains i just kept it inside for a long time. Then they promise me what happened before won't happen anymore, they kept asking for apologies. They said that it's because their still young that time that they don't know it's wrong to physically hurt their sibling.

[Soidhonia]

(((bluebear))).I am sorry that you are suffering at this time. I am glad that at least your family is aware of your problems that you are having. plese try to find someone to tal to when you go back to school 9If you attend school) so you do not have to feel alone in your situation and you feel less isolated and keep communication open so you done have to feel this depressed and hopeless. Take care of yourself (((BLUEBEAR))) PM anytime you wish. Soidhonia

[debbie_tabor]

I'm glad you could tell your family about your hurt and that they responded by apologising. I hope it does make the difference you are looking for. As you say, time will tell.

[bluebearTIN]

thanks so much for your hugs...i really need it. I' m just alone everyday at home coz i fear going outside before i thought it's just like one of my blues that i just want to be a home buddy, coz everytime i'm down i just kept myself alone in the room, but then it get worse now, i'm in a social withdrawal situation now, i just open up here in the PC. I avoid calls, i push away my friends away, actually it's true it's easy to open up to people who you don't know and doesn't know you as well. but somehow through here i begin to open up with my friends thru chat and email then they somehow knew what's happening to me. I wish i can pull out of this. I thought i can get better as days passed but now im scared of the days passing by wasted. I want to have my life back. I want to learn how to dream again, enjoy the things i used to enjoy, get back the interest on things, i can see only grays right now. wish me luck. i really appraciate ur care though it's only here, it helps me

[confused4ever]

(((((((((bluebearTIN)))))))))))

I am sorry for what you are going through. Your words hit home, and I could feel your pain through each one of them. I was silent for so long, so afraid to speak up so afraid that if I did I would break apart my family, I have spoken out, the fear of losing everyone is still there, but so far I have not pushed or broken my family apart. I care, I can feel what your saying, keep letting it out here, the more you say the less control it has over you!.........hugs to you

[bluebearTIN]

i thought i'm gonna be ok already, i've started to try to go out again, see my friends, go with them. I thought it's the start of my breaking away with this depression, then right now i'm down again, it feels like a roller coaster ride. One time i'm on top then the next day i'm down again, and it's hard to get up when i'm down there. i don't know what to do with myself anymore...

[debbie_tabor]

It takes time for depression to go away, but you're taking the right steps by getting out with people when you can. The fact that sometimes you feel better is a really good thing. Don't get angry or upset when you go down again, just try and get through those days. Look forward to the days you start going up on the rollercoaster again. It sounds like you would benefit from some professional support. Do you have a therapist / can you talk to your doctor?