The Breaking Point

Do you know when you are about to reach your breaking point? Recently I reached mine and it caused a lot of problems. When I’m feeling at the end of my rope, I’m often not
really aware of it until I snap…….sometimes snapping is in the form of hurt and anger, sometimes sadness with crying, sometimes both.

I believe I have a very high tolerance level for emotional and physical pain so I don’t reach my breaking point very often. I’m usually a calm and positive person but when I’ve had enough, I’ve really had it!

Once about 17 years ago, I wasn’t so fortunate. I’d been working part time with 4 kids living at home and a husband who was angry a lot. The stress became too much and one evening I ended up sitting in the kitchen floor crying uncontrollably. I spent some time in the hospital regaining my strength.

This last time, I was aware of it coming and was able to take action and ward off having a serious breakdown of some kind. I’m very glad that this time I was able to take the necessary action to rid myself of the stress and take care of myself. I’m wondering if you always feel it coming and take action before you reach your breaking point.

i'm glad that you caught it in time this time. i tend to be that way too, ozzie... it takes a lot to get to my breaking point...i am not usually lucky enough to feel it coming in advance. if i can somehow feel it in time then i try to do everything i can to prevent it... talk to someone i trust, surround myself with positive influences, music, books, etc. it's still hard to prevent it once it's to that point.

((((((((((((((((ozzie))))))))))))))))))


shadow

Thanks for understanding (((((((((((shadow)))))))))))) I agree that it's hard to prevent once you are to that point.

Ozzie,

This is a good thread. I wasnt aware of my breaking point. Last year was a very tough year for me. On top of losing 2 family members I had some health problems as well. I kept going and going like the energizer bunny and wasnt paying attention to the warning signs....and believe me, there were many. Before I knew it, I had a complete and total breakdown. It nearly 1 year later and I am still reeling from it. I had spent my whole life glossing over me, never stopping to take the time for myself or my needs. I think that is key. Knowing your limitations and when to say enough is enough. We often find it difficult to do that. I think alot of us feel, or at least I did, that I was superwomen, I can handle it all. Quite the opposite.

I think now I am much more aware of the signs. When I think things get too much, I try to back off for a while until I feel strong enough.


Huggles,

Jen

Ozzie I find myself that way a lot, both with stress and with anger. We were talking about that today in group in fact. I tend to hold anger in, usually it just eventually dissapates although I know that is not healthy for me. But sometimes it builds until a tiny thing sets it off and then my really horrible temper shows itself.

I think it is a really great point you make... not only in terms of breakdown but also in any sort of relapse. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that, although to be fair to myself, this current relapse was triggered by a very sudden and unexpected event. Granted the "unexpected" was do to denial on my part but its not the same thing we are talking about here, although it is something I need to work on to protect myself.

And that is what this topic is about, protecting oneself. And I think anyone with mental illness has to come to learn themselves, their triggers, their moods, and use that information to keep themselves healthy. In my support group last year we had a guest speaker who had a program to help us put into writing everything from learning what our triggers are, writing down ways to avoid or cope with triggers that we know are coming, recognizing our moods, and helping others know what to do to help us.

I should look up the name of that program, I thought it was very cool. The key was that you fill everything out when you are feeling well, so that when you are not feeling well you have something concrete to refer to to help you through it with minimal... "damage" I guess you could call it.

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I think now I am much more aware of the signs. When I think things get too much, I try to back off for a while until I feel strong enough.

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That's what I've had to do as well. I guess the key is being aware that things are getting to be too stressful. Thanks for your reply.

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helping others know what to do to help us.

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In some cases, I've had the unfortunate experience of not receiving the help that I've asked for. Here on the forums I usually receive lots of help though.

I think the damage control program sounds like a really helpful tool. Thanks as always for your support. ((((((((dexter))))))))))

>>I've had the unfortunate experience of not receiving the help that I've asked for

Unfortunately that happens all too often as so many people don't understand our illnesses and won't understand our illnesses.

I have a friend who is bipolar and his friends and family have been around it with him much longer than I have... and they are supportive, may not completely understand the illness but can see its effect on him... and the good thing is they can see the symptoms of it starting often before he notices and can usually get him the help he needs.

There is a fine line here, there is a thread on this forum about people attributing everything to the bipolar, as if people with mental illness aren't also allowed to have just real, regular feelings of sadness or anger like any other person can. In my friends case there are certain specific types of behaviours that they recognize... I am beginning to be able to see them too, sometimes it is because he goes off his meds.

But I guess like many things education is the key there too... assuming you have people with open minds that are willing to learn, what things to do and what things not to do to be helpful when necessary but not annoying all the other times.

I had trouble recognizing my break point and 4 years ago it took with it my son. I now wake up every morning to a room that never gets slept in, toys that only get played with by friends children, no smiles or good morning mom and so on I wake up now knowing my falling apart resulted in his being placed in foster care, and that whatever he went through while in care made it impossible for him to come home without major problems which was 98% why he was placed back in care and into residential treatment programs and no hope of ever living at home until he reaches 18.

Now do I have trouble recognizing my break point? NO. My breaking point is eternally impossible to forget so EVERY day throughout the day I log in a journal what I am doing, feeling and so on. I get thrown plenty of loops but just as fast I hunt for that solution to fix it, now my problems don't get a chance to simmer let alone boil to take me to that breaking point again.

myself,

I can't imagine how heartbreaking it must be to have a child taken away but it really is incredible how, instead of staying stuck in that sadness, you have created a plan for yourself to prevent that from happening again.

Journaling is such a good resource in so many ways, including being theraputic in and of itself, but using it to recognize one's own behavior and mood patterns is a very good way to protect oneself.

{{{{{{myself}}}}}}

I didn't realize I had a breaking point until I reached it. Now I'm a lot more aware of my limitations and take steps to take care of things before they get too far. (It's a bit like alcohol tolerace that way...you don't know what your limit is until you go too far.)

I'm going to tell you what I have done in the past to diffuse the anger and frustration that accompanies my breaking points. They are unconventional. I once lost it when I was home alone, tired of everything and feeling helpless to change my situation by myself. I also knew that if anyone was around me, rather than ask for the help I need, since, ostensibly, the people I would be asking it of were in some way contributing to the problem, I would have just lambasted them with a litany of invectives a mile long. I would have done some serious verbal damage. Since I was alone, I grabbed a paper bag and put a bunch of glasses in it, put that paper bag in 2 hefty bags and smashed them to smithereens in my kitchen sink.........now.......before anyone tells me what a crackpot I am, consider that I hurt nobody and gave my anger an audible manifestation that made me feel betterrrrrrr. The sound of breaking glass was soothing to me, the act of breaking that glass was soothing to me...it started off a hateful thing and turned into a catharsis. Ok, and there was no mess either, which was nice. WHEN I had calmed down, took the new trash out, I got my wallet and went to the Salvation Army, got more glasses.......more than I need. There may come a moment when I want to do that again and I'd like to have some uglies on hand to do it with. But in the aftermath, I returned from the store feeling calm. And when I approached people for help it didn't come with unnecessary heaps of blame for my current condition. I usually get all the help I need when I've reached a breaking point but once and only once did someone not choose to be accountable for their role in my being on the edge. It was then a simple matter of me asking them to stay out of my way while I get to a good place. I know that this sounds very unhealthy. But there is merit to separating the actual breakdown from the confrontation that usually occurs. The breakdown can make the confrontation a thing of beauty but not when they occur simultaneously, not in my opinion, not for me anyway. And really, if the objective is to learn how not to get to a breaking point and we miss that somehow, then the plan B is about learning how to cause the least amount of damage, to yourself, to others to your relationships with others.

Hello Ozzie -- Thank you for taking your pain and turning it into something positive that all of us can learn from. That was brave and wise.

Dexter, if you find the notes from the lecture about keeping a journal to recognize signs of one's breaking point -- and have time to type them up in this thread or by starting a new one -- I would love to be able to print out those tips.

Thank you.

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But I guess like many things education is the key there too... assuming you have people with open minds that are willing to learn, what things to do and what things not to do to be helpful when necessary but not annoying all the other times

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I think being around people with open minds is vital to staying healthy. Your friend is very fortunate. So often, even people who mean well are so busy that they can't see the effect of their behavior on others. My husband was one of those but since he has retired, he is a lot easier to live with because he is more sensitive to whatever I'm dealing with.

It's sad when so many people of the world are just too busy to notice. Sometimes we're even too busy to notice things about ourselves. I'm proud that I wasn't too busy this time to take what I felt was necessary action. It's still sad though and I'm having a hard time understanding what seems like conflicting feelings.

When I was working and taking care of 4 kids, I was too busy to notice me and my feelings. That ended up in disaster and I decided then not to let that happen again. Now I pay more attention to me and how others are treating me.

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I get thrown plenty of loops but just as fast I hunt for that solution to fix it, now my problems don't get a chance to simmer let alone boil to take me to that breaking point again.

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I'm really sorry you lost your son. That really was motivation to never get to that breaking point again.

I still simmer and boil sometimes but I don't lose total control of myself anymore. I learned that as much as I care for others, I have to take care of me. Sometimes that involves saying painful good-byes. Take care ((((((((((myself)))))))))))

Thanks for your reply JustBen. I reached my limit a long time ago. It sounds like you also know about limitations and how to protect yourself from going there again.

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And really, if the objective is to learn how not to get to a breaking point and we miss that somehow, then the plan B is about learning how to cause the least amount of damage, to yourself, to others to your relationships with others.


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Thanks for your reply gonnagetcha.
I've read the above several times and am going to continue to give it more thought. I know that many times in the process of trying to prevent ourselves from reaching that breaking point, we hurt others and end relationships. Maybe that is the reason for the sadness that I feel now.

((((((((((Susan))))))))))

I am so glad that you were able to take good care of yourself. I didn't used to know what was happening as I was reaching that point. Over the past year though, like you, I have learned to see the warning signs and have learned a few things to do and a few not to do.

Ry

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Hello Ozzie -- Thank you for taking your pain and turning it into something positive that all of us can learn from. That was brave and wise.

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Thank you Wants2Fly.

Thanks (((((((((Ryan)))))))))) I think each time we feel ourselves heading to that point, we learn new things to do or not to do.

It's my family, my kids and my husband that will drive me to that breaking point. There was no way I could have even known what was happening the first time. It was when my mom lay dying of debilitating strokes. All my emotions got flipped off as if they'd had a switch to them. I went through all the motions of "being normal" but I was swallowing all my fears, pain and guilt. When she died three months later, the ship hit the sand. There's just no other way of putting it. The panic attacks were the worst. I knew I was going to die, right then and there, just like my mom had died, trapped inside my body with no way out. Then the depression hit. That was a lot easier. All I did was lay in bed after I got the kids off to school. Hubby says I didn't. They got themselves off. Come dinner time, I remember going to the kitchen and making dinner then heading right back to bed without eating. Hubby says I didn't. THEY made dinner... so how come I remember wondering if I was going to live long enough to get dinner on the table? How come I remember rounding the door out of the kitchen at amost a dead run so I could crawl back in my bed?

Two or three years of hit & miss therapy then ten more years of intensive therapy and I was back on my wobbly feet.

Three years ago, I exhausted myself with a derranged woman online. My middle son and his family came to visit. I had asked my DIL if we could have an all day family thing at their house while Chuck was here. She had said yes. My daughter wasn't speaking to me or wanting to be anywhere near me. My oldest son had solved that problem by inviting EVERYONE and whoever had a problem, it was THEIR problem. Not that time. I was told the day and the time of the "family thing" just to be told a couple hours later that I WASN'T WANTED at the "family thing." I hit my breaking point full force. I called and talked to the three that would talk to me and told them that their so-called mother was dead to them. The next day I was put in a psych ward for two weeks.

Right now, I'm holding on tight, going over each minute detail with a fine tooth comb, making sure I don't see any of those "serious" warning signs before I go off the deep end again. My youngest is playing chess with me and his daughter is the pawn... after he condemned his sister for doing the very same thing.

My youngest spent the biggest part of the day here a couple days ago, helping his dad with the new shower for this house. Never said one single word to me... of any kind... This is my "Beloved," my John, my baby...

I'm crying now... is this where it begins?? Am I going to be able to stop crying... or do I end up in the psych ward again??

Is it me that's crazy... or is it "them"???

THIS is what "stresses" me. THIS is what makes me question myself. MOVING does not "stress" me and makes me "say things." That was a JOY. This is HELL!

Good thread, ozzie.

I'm getting better at identifying the signs that I am close to breaking point. This time it all took me by surprise, though, as the pressure came suddenly when I felt let down by those I trusted. I was getting by, but it felt like they were saying "You're coping with all that so do this too" and I just couldn't. I think it is taking me longer to recover from it this time. I had come to believe that my working environment was safe (I was in an unsafe one before) and I realised that it is safer but still not safe. That has made it harder for me to trust others but I am beginning to again now.
Caroline

My breaking point is stress over things..
trying to fight for soimething I should not have to fight for.

Oh lady if you only knew. I am so sorry for your pain. Hang in there with me K?

I'm hanging with you, Hun! Believe me! {{{{{{{{{{{WW}}}}}}}}} Thanks, Hun!