I didn't want to be here...

Can anyone else relate? I joined in 2013....I am still here. I have made 2,443 posts. These facts make me sad.

I thought I would be okay. I didn't know what it would be like.

Sometimes...it's difficult to accept the realities in life.

I am sorry for all of us

Though not as depressed, I find needing to look in on what is going on at PC all of the time a sign that not enough is going on in my life. Dull, dull, dull (Hope that sentiment doesn't offend anyone at PC).

Hey, dull is better than tragic!

Big hugs to everyone I'm sorry for those who are still struggling.

Sophiesmom--

Here is what is good about the fact that you are still here. Your posts have helped many people. I remember that when I first came here last year, you helped me understand my depression better, cheered me up when I was depressed and was one of the people I was able to talk to about some things that I felt extremely ashamed about. So you helped me recover. If we can post once a day in a way that helps someone who doesn't understand their MI--then we are not wasting our time. My goal is to come to PC less but to try to post at least one time a day in an encouraging way. PC did help me back when I didn't understand why I attempted. Perhaps we are veterans who should just focus on new members.......

MickeyCheeky-

You were also one of the people who helped me too! When I think of sweet, caring young men--I think of you.

Hi sophiesmom

I think I have an idea of what you're meaning/feeling........along the lines of reminising on the hope you had/could have had that there could be change out there.........feeling that after so long, so many words/posts/threads you still know so clearly some of those feelings that brought you here............feeling that so little has changed.........wondering if/when things can be different after so long...........??

But...........depression throws at you it's version of realities.........maybe sometimes some of them are true, some of them are partially true, and of course plenty of them are false as we know..........but it often doesn't give you all the realities.....often nowhere near all of them......so...........

Some realities as I see them:
Of all those posts, you've also posted so much that could help others, so much that could have made a real difference to others in their lives,
You're still here so you've made some real connections with others along the way, which has to be a positive,
You've found a place to be (and that could be whether you were having a fantastic, good, not so good or bad day!!) where there are plenty of people who really care about and value you (which they do!!) which you really deserve,
Of all those posts, I'm sure there were times you really didn't want to post something but pushed yourself, and that shows the strength and courage in you,
In this time you've shared so much showing your bravery, your true honesty, how genuine a person you are,
In all that time, in all those posts you've been a big part of making this a true "community/family" and it is pretty amazing, right??!!
So just some realities I see.........and I could go on!!!

But, here's still really hoping for "better days" for you

Alison

I am speechless at your kindness. It's funny how we don't see ourselves the same as other people see us....

The most I ever come up with for myself is "maybe I'm not a bad person"....(thanks for the great upbringing parents!)

Anyway....it was just a whiny post on the fact that I just thought I would be magically healed...I guess that was me just thinking about my own self, which I shouldn't be doing as I put value on others over myself....

Thank you again...

Yes it's tough to accept the realities in life and I'm sorry for all of us. I am particularly sorry you're having a bad time. You're not alone. I'm here to talk if you need me.

Hey sophiesmom

There always needs to be times when you think about your own self and reaching out for what you need because you are important, you do matter
And as for valuing others.........I know you can certainly do that, which says a lot about you!!
But you've seriously got to remember to value yourself too, because you do have such value!! I know that may be hard (impossible!!) at times, but in those times.......if it helps..........just remember that we value you...........because you're you!!!

Alison

I get it. Some times I feel as if I'm on here too much complaining & being woo is me. There are times I have to force myself to take a break. Depression is a cruel beast. Those on the outside will tell you not to let it rule your life. Those of us on the inside realize how difficult of a task that really is.
Just know that there people on here that are always willing to talk to you and give support however we can.

"Anyway....it was just a whiny post on the fact that I just thought I would be magically healed...I guess that was me just thinking about my own self, which I shouldn't be doing as I put value on others over myself...."


It's OK to feel overwhelmed from time to time! We all do and we all need to be taken care of from time to time. I found this forum late in my recovery and that means that I do function all right enough, but I have my days and that is OK too. When I need this forum, it is here for me. So it is for all of us. No quick healing, but healing step by step with a setback now and then.

You will find your ways if you don't stop working against your depression.