Isolation

Back for a trial period. Almost five months of isolating is helping. I'm not being used by anyone. My stress level is down from not having to deal with the insane lack of respect, compassion, and the level of selfishness so many people show now.

I've had some tell me isolating only causes loneliness and other things. It's no different than what I had before, except for the positive being no one is crushing my heart into tiny pieces and stomping on it.

Hi. I've been a member here since 2015 but have only been active on this site for about 2 months so I don't know your back story. Did you take a break from this site or from everybody in general?

Welcome back

Welcome to the world of sh*tlenials.

Feel for you. My isolation is a bit too much for me, lasted too long, but it's not self-imposed, it's more of a money issue.

People in general Jennifer. I'm a disabled veteran with complex PTSD (PTSD and depression). I haven't seen or heard from my daughters in 7 years (because of their mother's mouth), was beaten everyday for the first 17 of my 43 years. Been alone much of my life. Never had the L word from a woman. Instead, I am a giving person and got used for my kindness and then discarded. So, 5 months ago, I cut myself off from people, only helping my mother who is very sick and my grandmother who doesn't have much longer because her heart and kidneys are failing.

I stopped dating sites as well. Had some pretty horrible things said to me such as...."You're ugly as hell and no woman in her right mind will date you." "You're disabled and useless. Do the world a favor and kill yourself." And, "You aren't a veteran. You were a paid killer."

I was already alone most of my life. Figured I might as well cut the people out of it and stop the hurt. Hope this brings you up to speed Jennifer.

Welcome back RJ42.

Thank you

Thank you

I feel like I go through isolation myself, it's not my ultimate choice. There are lots of times when I appreciate my aloneness. I fortunately get along great with my co workers, though there are a couple that are a problem. As they say, "there always has to be that someone!". When I get home from work, I don't feel like talking to anyone for about two hours.

I go to the pool area at where I live and I would have hope of meeting someone. Most times when I go there, I'm by myself. Almost every time that there would be someone else there, I feel like I can't stand them. It's very isolating at where I live because I have nothing in common with my neighbors.

In my life lately, the only choice I have is either to be alone or be with bad company. It's great to be with people I enjoy being with; but it seems like it's too far and in-between if it can happen at all.

I get what you mean by people using you for your kindness. I'm an easy going type person and I feel like there are some who would come along to walk all over me if they can. I also feel like, in order to have a fairly good social life, I have to put myself out for others and they will not do the same for me. For an example: with my friend I have to drive out to his place only if I want to see him. I'm not crazy about doing that. And then with my sister, she expects me to visit her every year, while I have to pay for the air fare. She cannot come and visit me. I don't think that's fair.

I can understand that. I have the monetary issue as well. I barely make ends meet. I hate social security.

I agree with you. Just an observation here, it sounds like your friend and sister are the exact same kind of people we both stay away from. In my opinion, if a froend or family member truly care, they would make an equal effort. Not dogging your friend or sister, but it's pretty sad when people want but aren't willing or they're too lazy to make an effort.

From my point of view.....If you are a kind person, you have a target or a sign on your back that says "mistreat me". I used to give anyone the shirt of my back if they were in need. Then I realized, I'm out of shirts. I used to believe kindness is given and received. After years of giving and never receiving, I figured it's time to, in a sense, be selfish in the good way and take care of me.

You didn't deserve to be treated this way. I'm sorry

I agree with your observation. However, I have to defend my friend in this. He is almost legally blind and has to walk with a stick. He can't drive and would have to take public transportation to come and see me. He does that at times, which is nice. It is a lot for him to go through being in his condition, plus other health conditions. I do like it much better for him to visit me than for me to visit him. In the past he did drive over to see me when he was able to. As of now, he is the only friend I have. And he had been very helpful to me when I was going though some bad times

About my sister, there is some defense to her, too, but not nearly as much as my friend. My sister can't visit me because of her kids; and they cost money. However, she and her husband adopted the two kids as babies when they were in their 50s. A lot of people (including myself and my parents) thought that it was a foolish idea. We all tried to talk her out of it. But she went ahead anyways. My sister and her husband could have had tons of money and be able to visit me if they had never adopted the kids.

It's ok. If anything it taught me to take care of me first.

My apologies for your friend's disability Will. That must be very hard to deal with. Being unable to see must really stink on a whole new level. It is good your sister adopted those children. However, I agree with you that they should've thought about their financial long-term. Sometimes, we as decent people, want to do a good thing. Sometimes it costs us dearly. You and I both found this out and it sounds like your sister has as well.

Welcome back, RJ42. It's good seeing you around again.

Thank you. Nice to see you on as well. I figure this is better than dealing with people. I even shut FB off. So tired of fake, dramatic, superficial, and selfish people.

Can't say I blame you. I did the same a couple years back. Still technically have the facebook but I rarely use it other than the messenger. I'm glad you took time out for yourself. I'm proud of you for it.

I think my time out is going to be permanent. When you're labeled damaged, people don't seem to want anything to do with you. I'm glad I have my cat. She is irreplaceable.

Time for you to keep standing on your feet. Being depressed is a struggle I know well. But as long as you continue to struggle/fight against it, you will learn to stare it down every day and not quit. I'm still learning myself.

I had a dog who was very much the same for me. I miss him. Animals are a miracle if I've ever seen one.

I've been clinically depressed since I was still single digits. Could very well had been environmental. I've been fighting for a long time and it seems as though it has crippled me. The depression is bad enough in itself but when it's mixed in with PTSD (and all that follows that diagnoses) it's a very specific and detailed piece of hell.

The reason I'm saying all of this is because I know you understand this pain. You may still be learning but you're still fighting. That's no small feat.

You're still fighting too. Always give yourself credit. It helps build your self image. I don't have much room to talk about self image. However, the key is to keep trying.

You're right about environment being a factor. I've been depressed for 38 out of 43 years. Sometimes I think we just learn to live with it. I take a med that helps some. I don't go to a counselor because of a few reasons.
1. The VA changes doctors like people change hairstyles. I can't keep restarting over and over.
2. I can't afford civilian counseling.
3. Trying to find a counselor that talks with and not at you, is like trying to find a dime in a dump truck load of pennies. It isn't impossible, but it is tedious as hell.

Those reasons are all pretty valid. You're right, we just learn to live with it. In my case, I don't know if I can live without it but living with it is killing me.

I don't know if I can give myself credit for still fighting. I don't think I deserve that credit anymore.

Each day you wake up, get through the day, and go to bed at night, is deserving of personal credit in my opinion. Living with the difficulties we have, all while trying to fend off what I call the emotional predators (selfish, superficial, bullying, users of people), shows that we are far STRONGER than the predators. Dealing with what we have and still functioning is, in my opinion, a display of superhuman mental ability. Am I saying we're better than everyone else? No. Am I saying we are strong fighters? Yes.

I have been labeled a beast.