[Albatross2008]

Getting better.

[Rose76]

Last evening I actually felt very good. But I went to sleep . . . fell into the trough . . . and now must climb out of it again.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by katydid777

Today is the day. My Son, and his Girlfriend will be here in the next hour. I am anxious, stresses. apprehensive, ect. We were able to get everything done that we needed to get done. Yesterday my Primary Dr. called and told me that I would have to go to a infusion place to get the medication for my bones, and I will have to do this twice a year. It almost seems like I will be getting chemo, but only a different medication. My apt. isn't until after my Son leaves, so I won't say anything about it. To you all, I am very nervous, and apprehensive about it. I hope that it will work for me, because I already have two broken bones that won't heal. On my left foot, the toe next to my big toe is broken, and my big toe on my right foot is also broken. Neither hurt any more, but they are still broken, so I hope this medication works before I end up breaking a major bone. I hope you all have a good day, and everything goes the way you want it to.

Thanks. I hope it goes really well.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Love to everyone. We're still here!

A busy Saturday. Nothing much socially. It's usually a busy and isolating kind of day. Nothing planned for tonight except to watch a movie. The library was open. There didn't seem to be much to choose from.

[Deilla]

Feeling depressed and lonely. My usual support group has been very quiet. I have no one to talk to. Maybe I will journal. A lots been on my mind.

[Angelique67]

I wish I were free. Being locked up in this nursing home is an ongoing nightmare. People always say the thing that shocks them about evil is how banal it is. This place is very banal. If you ever need a true lesson in being unimportant, get yourself locked up in a Medicaid nursing home.

In being out and about today it seems like people are in bad moods. It really brings me down. I went to a gas station this afternoon and it has a car wash. I went for the car wash and it didn't work for me at first. I went to report it to the cashier. He was very rude.

And then I went for a bike ride late this afternoon and someone screamed out an obscenity at me. Well at least nothing was thrown at me. That's happened before.

Tonight I went to the pool area. Nothing going on there which was fine with me. When I got out and headed back to my place, a couple of guys were out in the parking lot. It appeared that one guy was having a yelling match with a woman. Then the two guys were with each other. The were slurring as they were talking. And one of them asked me, "what are you looking at?".

Seems like I had some "heapin' helpins'" of hostility later today. Did I mention that there's a New Moon yesterday? Gotta be something to it.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by Bjørnen

Struggling a bit in the way I used to, before I found the right medication. It's definitely not as bad as it could be, but I feel let down a little. Even two weeks ago, when I went through a phase of grumpy depression, I still got things done, still stayed out of my bed for the day, still managed life with some degree of efficiency. Today I overslept, nearly missed my Skype meeting, and can tell it's going to take a whole lot to motivate me.

I also have my weekly dinner that I make for friends tonight. I think I can do it, and maybe even forget my troubles for a few hours, but I don't feel like doing anything.

I am glad that you did not miss the meeting.
Did you manage to make the weekly dinner?
Please be kind to yourself. It is very tough to push through when it hits so low but unfortunately this is when you (and rest of us) need to push harder and dig into our resilience.
I am not good at it; in fact I usually spend my entire weekend in bed. During the weekday mornings, It takes about an hour to get out of bed. It is a battle, every single day.
I hope you had a lovely time with your friends.

Originally Posted by will19

......
Did I mention that there's a New Moon yesterday? Gotta be something to it.

The New Moon looks so lovely. Are we all going to be turned into prof Lupin?(Harry Potter)

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

I am glad that you did not miss the meeting.
Did you manage to make the weekly dinner?
Please be kind to yourself. It is very tough to push through when it hits so low but unfortunately this is when you (and rest of us) need to push harder and dig into our resilience.
I am not good at it; in fact I usually spend my entire weekend in bed. During the weekday mornings, It takes about an hour to get out of bed. It is a battle, every single day.
I hope you had a lovely time with your friends.

Thank you so much, FDT. Mercifully, that evening was way better than the rest of the day. How are you managing this weekend? I'm okay, but I'm sleeping in a lot this weekend.

[Albatross2008]

I think I still need another day of taking it easy, especially with holidays coming up. I need to conserve my energy.

Good that I'm getting to the point where I don't feel guilty for taking care of myself.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Feeling depressed and lonely. My usual support group has been very quiet. I have no one to talk to. Maybe I will journal. A lots been on my mind.

Have you thought of joining a more active group? There are forums just for artists, others for writers. Or whatever you're into.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

I wish I were free. Being locked up in this nursing home is an ongoing nightmare. People always say the thing that shocks them about evil is how banal it is. This place is very banal. If you ever need a true lesson in being unimportant, get yourself locked up in a Medicaid nursing home.

Sounds awful. I really feel for you.

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Have you thought of joining a more active group? There are forums just for artists, others for writers. Or whatever you're into.

I have thought about one for artists. I haven't looked yet. Maybe that's something I can do today.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I have thought about one for artists. I haven't looked yet. Maybe that's something I can do today.

Ah that's great. Hope you find one you like.

[Patagonia]

It's funny how rock bottom is always a sub floor. It just gets deeper.
I can't let my mind wander or disengage. I will break down then & I absolutely can't do that.
If I keep earbuds in listening to something or a screen & noise on I don't have to think then. Time goes on. 60min. 90min. 120min I can piece a day together working on what chore needs to be done.

Oh dear God, my neighbor has taken to saying hello to me.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by emptynightmare

Oh dear God, my neighbor has taken to saying hello to me.

Ha ha ha.

[Rose76]

If I would get off the recliner and do some work around the house (which is messy,) I might feel better tonight. Hard to care enough to move.

things just got very bad. i've been reported to counseling services here at school because of concern for my wellbeing. i had been in the shower, trying to do self care.

Possible trigger:

I'm now remembering how similar the feeling of showering is to that of some SI... I feel limp and exhausted. Maybe this is why I don't like showers. I was planning on showering and going about my day, but this is just making me feel bad. If I'm not seeing clearly and things are worse than I think, then things are very bad indeed. I feel like they are watching me... why would someone report me? My social media has been fine lately. I feel like going to bed early. I feel numb. Maybe it's some kind of psychosomatic thing, but my hands feel really weak, as if I had just SI'd.

so things are just very bad. things are fine, but when people take away my control, i become reliant. why can't people LEAVE ME ALONE? it will be very difficult now.

I don't appreciate it when people talk behind my back resulting in things happening to me that I did not agree to. If i have broken some sort of social code without knowing it, then they should take up their issues with me directly.

If the things I am struggling with now have extra consequences that I am not aware of, then the school is at fault and should not be subjecting me to this pointless persecution.

Nothing much of a day today. I didn't go to any church today. I had a few things to do and it felt nice not to have a bad feeling after church. I went on the longest bike ride in a few years. I finally went the whole distance that I wanted to go but was always hesitant. The ride was 2 hours and 45 minutes long, but normally that course would take me three whole hours.

[Angelique67]

I really miss riding my bike, not that I could ride like that. Plus it's really hilly around here so even a short ride would tire me out. I wish I could just vape in my third of the room, instead of puffing on it like a junkie 4x a day. My lungs have gotten worse here, I think. But my body has gotten stronger, much stronger, than I was before getting locked up.

Thank God TWD is on tonight. I've had this anxiety which never seems to go away. I'm not feeling ok about anything. I miss my friend. Nothing has happened to him so far. I just keep praying for his good health and safety. Knocking on wood.

[Silent Blatherskite]

Well, I didn't get myself out of the house to go see the new Thor, but I showered and made a tasty sausage calzone, "So I got that going for me, which is nice." (insert BillMurrayCaddeyshack.jpg lol)

[Rose76]

I didn't totally waste the day. I cleaned the livingroom windows and hung new curtains that look nice. So that gave me a lift. I just have to tune out any negativity from my s.o. He's been pleasant enough, but the slightest frustration gets him grousing, and I then take that as criticism of me. I should stop that. He's up against a lot that would frustrate anyone (health related.) I don't need to react to every single thing. I tell him he's making the home atmosphere unpleasant for me, but I make myself miserable.