[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Well, this day was a total bust as far as getting to the opthalmologist appointment. I guess they will reschedule it, if they will even let me come anymore. I'm so depressed. I skipped the gym today again. I'm failing in every way. It wouldn't be fair to my friend if I moved away from here. He deserves to not have to pay for my life.

I spoke to my other friend last night and I think she said she has a treatment today. I hope so much that she will be well. I believe if anyone can, she can. She has incredible inner strength. She's a beautiful person inside and out. I love her so much.

Hoping my friends are having good days. I wish there were coffee in the lounge/solarium here. I think they're playing bingo in the dining room. I don't know how to play that. I kind of want to hang out in the lounge. But I'm not sure. I can't get rid of this headache.

I’m sorry you are having a bad day. I hope your day starts looking up soon and you get rid of your headache. Bingo is fun. You should try it some time. I’m here if you need to talk. Sending big hugs.

[regretful]

Later check in today...bit of a blow-out at home this morning - not unusual as my wife lives with my depression, too. Reconciled rather quickly - now doing my best to keep on the better thoughts/gratitude/thanks side of things. Best to all of you for a quiet minute of peace today.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m sorry you are having a bad day. I hope your day starts looking up soon and you get rid of your headache. Bingo is fun. You should try it some time. I’m here if you need to talk. Sending big hugs.

Thank you for the kind words and hugs, Jennifer. I wish I knew if this depression were being caused by a med side effect or something. Tomorrow I talk to my therapist here, hopefully she might be able to suggest something. Maybe a lightbox. I've been feeling really worse since the time change.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by regretful

Later check in today...bit of a blow-out at home this morning - not unusual as my wife lives with my depression, too. Reconciled rather quickly - now doing my best to keep on the better thoughts/gratitude/thanks side of things. Best to all of you for a quiet minute of peace today.

Thanks, and the same to you.

Today was a rough one, I had to leave work a couple of hours early because I felt so low, numb, and was having thoughts of SI. My boyfriend brought me home and I just laid down and had a 2 and a half hour long nap. Woke up, smoked a couple of bowls and I feel quite a bit better. I hope this doesn't happen again at work tomorrow though.

[Rose76]

I got out the door, ran a few errands, then came back home to bed exhausted. I'm drinking Starbucks doubleshot expresso. Some people say strong coffee wakes them up. I was never a coffee drinker, but I think I'm going to get a coffee brewing machine so I can brew strong coffee. I'm absolutely desperate to get relief from this daytime sleepiness. I wish I could find a doctor who would understand how devastating this problem is.

[JustTvTroping]

More memories are coming back to me.

...Huh...That actually explains a lot. So that's why I don't talk to my parents about anything involving emotions. Man, I love having time to self reflect and put pieces together and letting things come to light. The only thing I don't like about it is that it tends to happen at the weirdest of times. It never happens when I want it to.

[mulan]

I love to sleep but I have trouble forcing myself to go to bed at night. Don't know why. During the day I would give everything for more sleep time, but I can't go to bed early. I promise my sister that tomorrow we will going to do some house searching to find an apartment to rent to where I am moving... Guess who is going to sleep until midday as she promised not to.
Today I went to the gym, watched the news, read more news, watched some series, watched some YouTube videos and end up my day watching an interview of a writer/psychiatrist... I don't like the interviewer very much, I find him a bit silly, but he reminds me of myself, the saying stupid things, not assertive me.

Kind of a slow day at work today. Yesterday I had set up the auditorium at work for a pot luck lunch on Thursday. I did it all myself. The person who asked to have it done was very pleased with the way I had the auditorium set up. Every year they put together a turkey and ham lunch just before Thanksgiving. It's always so nice.

I worked out today and it went well. I'm still not used to it getting dark when I work out, so I feel a bit tired.

[lotusblossom19]

Family gatherings during the holidays are uncomfortable for me. I feel so alone, even in a room full of relatives. I just don't fit. Never really did.

[Rose76]

After getting a big lift on Tues. from, I believe, a higher dose of Elavil, I went way down again on Wed., first with fatigue, then with depression. Trying to get extra Elavil down now, so on Thurs. I might climb out of this hole again. It's not an easy med to increase because I get akathesia from a sudden increase in dosage. What I've been taking has been a very modest dose that doesn't even produce what is considered a therapeutic blood level.

Hurting. It's the low background feeling, I guess. It's just always been there. I also need to make a confession... I need to talk to the therapist I see. I need to talk things over. I'm not sure what's going on. I'm not sure if I'm in crisis. I'm fine, though. A bit confused I suppose.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Thank you for the kind words and hugs, Jennifer. I wish I knew if this depression were being caused by a med side effect or something. Tomorrow I talk to my therapist here, hopefully she might be able to suggest something. Maybe a lightbox. I've been feeling really worse since the time change.

I hope your talk goes well. I use a light box for SAD and have found it really helpful. I hope you find some relief.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Today was a rough one, I had to leave work a couple of hours early because I felt so low, numb, and was having thoughts of SI. My boyfriend brought me home and I just laid down and had a 2 and a half hour long nap. Woke up, smoked a couple of bowls and I feel quite a bit better. I hope this doesn't happen again at work tomorrow though.

I’m sorry you had such a tough time and I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. May you continue to improve and may today go smoothly for you. Sending big hugs and positive vibes.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I got out the door, ran a few errands, then came back home to bed exhausted. I'm drinking Starbucks doubleshot expresso. Some people say strong coffee wakes them up. I was never a coffee drinker, but I think I'm going to get a coffee brewing machine so I can brew strong coffee. I'm absolutely desperate to get relief from this daytime sleepiness. I wish I could find a doctor who would understand how devastating this problem is.

Yes. It would be nice if your doctor would prescribe a stimulant for you (if you haven’t already tried that) to combat daytime sleepiness. It really helps me.

[Rose76]

Last night I drank 3 glasses of wine to try and get to sleep at a normal hour. That's a lot for me and I woke up feeling awful nauseated.

I feel awfully sick, both physically and mentally. I feel like I can't cope with anything.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by lotusblossom19

Family gatherings during the holidays are uncomfortable for me. I feel so alone, even in a room full of relatives. I just don't fit. Never really did.

I think this is true of more families then you know. My sense is not so much not fitting in as it is really hard due to a very negative, aggressive family member and general dysfunction. It makes it difficult. I hope the holidays are more fulfilling for you this year.

[regretful]

Slogging through another day.

The positives - exercised again (4th day in a row)...ate a small breakfast (unusual for me when I'm feeling like this)...thought about being happy rather than miserable and am able to maintain it a bit.

The negatives - undercurrent of depression feels like it is laying in wait...still stuck in a business that I don't really enjoy...lonely with nobody to really talk to.

So, at least for the moment, the positives outweigh the negatives. I sincerely wish all of you a moment or more of peace today.

Nothing has changed. I'm still in the same mood.

[nikon]

sending thoughts to everyone in a dark place.
this might be triggering.

still struggling quite a lot. last night was quite terrible. i got home after being out and my anger exploded. sometimes when i am down/angry it escalates at night. i ended up screaming just at nothing, but i worry that neighbours will hear and wonder if someone's being attacked or something. luckily i was able to think before punching a wall - for me, i know that will be SI and then that will escalate.
did email my psychiatrist but haven't heard back yet. i messaged a couple of friends yesterday or the day before and one sent me a whole lot of advice but honestly it doesn't even compute. like, i basically just want to be unconscious or further than that. i feel extremely alone.

Struggling a bit in the way I used to, before I found the right medication. It's definitely not as bad as it could be, but I feel let down a little. Even two weeks ago, when I went through a phase of grumpy depression, I still got things done, still stayed out of my bed for the day, still managed life with some degree of efficiency. Today I overslept, nearly missed my Skype meeting, and can tell it's going to take a whole lot to motivate me.

I also have my weekly dinner that I make for friends tonight. I think I can do it, and maybe even forget my troubles for a few hours, but I don't feel like doing anything.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by nikon

sending thoughts to everyone in a dark place.
this might be triggering.

still struggling quite a lot. last night was quite terrible. i got home after being out and my anger exploded. sometimes when i am down/angry it escalates at night. i ended up screaming just at nothing, but i worry that neighbours will hear and wonder if someone's being attacked or something. luckily i was able to think before punching a wall - for me, i know that will be SI and then that will escalate.
did email my psychiatrist but haven't heard back yet. i messaged a couple of friends yesterday or the day before and one sent me a whole lot of advice but honestly it doesn't even compute. like, i basically just want to be unconscious or further than that. i feel extremely alone.

I'm here to talk anytime, Nikon.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Another OK day for me. Yesterday, I woke up with an actual smile on my face. I'd had a dream that I was talking to a therapist (I don't have one at the moment). I'd made a mistake over something, and I was shrugging and saying to her, 'Yeah. I know. But it doesn't MATTER.'

I can't believe the difference to how I was a few weeks ago.

[Sunflower123]

Glad to hear it PVB.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Bjørnen

Struggling a bit in the way I used to, before I found the right medication. It's definitely not as bad as it could be, but I feel let down a little. Even two weeks ago, when I went through a phase of grumpy depression, I still got things done, still stayed out of my bed for the day, still managed life with some degree of efficiency. Today I overslept, nearly missed my Skype meeting, and can tell it's going to take a whole lot to motivate me.

I also have my weekly dinner that I make for friends tonight. I think I can do it, and maybe even forget my troubles for a few hours, but I don't feel like doing anything.

I’m sorry you are having a tough time. Hope you feel better soon.