It's impossible not to beat myself when i make a mistake

It’s impossible not to beat myself when I make a mistake. I make mistakes literally all the time every day of my life, and every second I’m awake I live in anxiety over when I will make my next mistake because I hate being so stupid and such a ***** and it kills me so much. I literally can’t do anything right I have no skills or attributes or any hobbies because I’m a literal piece of human ****… You name it and I suck at it and I’ll beat myself for it. I can’t ever crack an egg when I’m cooking so I beat myself for that. I suck at typing this all out so I’m going to beat myself for this, I forget to charge my phone before I go to work and have no power, so I’ll beat myself for that. And the only reason I’m typing all this out is because I am so alone and have no friends! I’m such a lonely pathetic loser all I do all day is sit at my computer and cry and beat myself and wish I had someone and I hate not having a girlfriend like every other person it makes me a freaking lesser person in the eyes of everyone in the world and I punch myself in the face for being born such a disgusting worthless loser! I don’t have a single friend because I’m a ****ing piece of **** who deserves to get beat every day of his life. I cry every day and honestly, I just want to die but I’m too much of a ***** to do it so I beat myself for that too

My heart aches for you. You are not any of the things you call yourself. Our minds can be extremely cruel. We all make mistakes, all the time. Its not just you and it is okay.

Have you spoken to a doctor about the way you are feeling?

thanks for replying it really means a lot, yeah she put me son some medicine and wants me to see a therapist and stuff but it's been hard because i don't have my own ride and can't always get one

All you can do is the best you can do. You are worth it though. Don't ever doubt that. I hope you get some relief.

Thank you and sorry for upsetting you in anyway. I really shouldn't even be here i just have no one to talk to

Please don't say those things about yourself. They are not true. Everyone can make mistakes, so you're not worthless because of that.

Don't be sorry. You should be here and you have us to talk to.

I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad. I can pretty much promise you that you aren't nearly as bad as you think you are. Depression lies to us that way. It tells us that we are worthless and bad and makes us hate ourselves. I'm glad you talked to your doctor and are going to try meds. I bet those will help. If you can get to the therapist that will help too. And keep writing here. A lot of us have been there and can understand.

I’m sorry.. this is so painful

Hi Matthew!

Welcome to PC!
I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please do make yourself at home here.

I am sorry you are experiencing such difficulties. A depressed perception would cause anyone to likely feel very down on him/herself. You seem to be suffering from very low self-esteem, for which you are paying far too high of a price.

What medication did your doctor prescribe?
May I ask your age range?

I think you'd do very well with a therapist and I hope you can resolve your transportation issues?

I also think you'd do very well in an "intensive outpatient program" (IOP).

The planning of taking your life is a very serious matter. You have specified your plans for taking your life. I am very concerned about you. Please call your pdoc and tell her of your desperation so she can help you.

Is there anyone living with you? If so, please share your suicidality with him/her/them, so they can help to keep you safe. Honestly, a gun should not be within your reach at this time.

Staying safe is vitally important and is your very first step in resolving these issues. I assure you, your perceptions are off, you can be helped and you can have a very rewarding life!

Please call your doctor, as you are treading on very dangerous ground.

You may also go to the ER.

Please stay in touch here. We will do our best to support you.


WC

Thank you so much I don't know what to say it really means a lot thank you

Thank you again so much for everything you've really helped me a lot

thank you and i'm so sorry i just came here really because i have no one else to talk to but it's awesome seeing that everyone on here is really kind it makes me feel good

hey i'm so sorry for upsetting you in anyway i really feel bad ;( thank you so much for replying and i'm just really sorry my goal wasn't to give anyone grief or anything, you should know that i'm doing ok now i was just upset at the time but other than being nervous and anxious about going to work right now i'm doing fine so thank you again

Hey I really don't know what to say. Thank you so much for being so nice and talking to me i appreciate it more than you could know. My doctor put me on zyprexa and i am 19 going to turn 20 soon. I really thank you for your help, but i just don't know if i can afford to go to the er right now i am not sure how it would cost and i have my job if i miss a day i could get fired. but thank you so much again for everything and i'm sorry if i upset you at all

Hi Matthew!

Just very concerned about you.


WC

Wow. I’m crying as I read your post because that sounds exactly like me. It’s so hard to forgive oneself for any little mistake. I hope you can allow yourself to feel good about all the good you have done & will do eventually

Hi. Damn, I also couldn't help not cry as I read what you wrote. I was stunned because it sounded just like it came from my life and from my mind. Reading your words was like watching someone be whipped. I could only think of how much you deserve love and compassion and any help that you need, and time. Made me able to look at myself the same way. Take care, brother; please give yourself the mercy and understanding I'm sure you'd offer any of us.

((((( matthew1998 )))))

Thank you again, I wish i could show everyone the same kindness you all showed me

Hey I'm so sorry i feel so terrible for making you cry it really wasn't my intention i feel really bad. Please know that i think I've gotten a little better i don't get angry like i used to so please don't worry about anything i feel terrible. I'm so sorry for anything you've gone through and let me know if you'd ever want to talk to me

Hey thank you so much for everything and i'm so sorry i really feel terrible for what I've done i really didn't mean to make you feel bad or anything. I just have no one else to talk to... so i guess i just had to come here and make people upset, maybe i shouldn't of posted anything, i just needed someone to talk to i guess. I'm sorry again and thank you for your kind words

Hi thank you for posting and sorry if i really upset you but thank you again

Matthew1998
I am very sorry that you are struggling.
I am here if you want to talk.

Matthew, there are people way, way worse than you who don't feel the least bit bad about who they are. Some of them are out selling drugs to kids, or beating up their spouses, or getting ready to rob someone's home. And some of them have lots of friends and even have lovers. Connecting with people isn't based on whether or not you deserve to connect. Some rotten people have loads of friends.

Watch the news and see what absolutely miserable people are out there in the world passing themselves off as fine. So try to lighten up on yourself. You do need to venture out of your house, if you want to connect to potential friends. Sitting at the keyboard is a good way to stay isolated.

Was there someone in your life who taught you to be very harsh toward yourself? I don't think you got this way all by yourself.