Maybe I'm at the end of the road

Well, here I am about half drunk from beer, which I swore off of six years ago, and I feel like it's the end of the long hard struggle with anxiety and depression. I've taken almost every antidepressant there is and some have given me help and most haven't. I don't have a lot of money to get into serious therapy, my wife is a serious alcoholic who I've stood behind for years and years. She was supposed to start intensive treatment today but instead is drinking again and saying there's no purpose in it. I am a total financial wreck and basket case trying to be supportive of her for so many years. Now I'm tired of helping and feel that maybe it's time for myself to check out and just give up on life. There seems to be no answer to her problem and I can't go on living without her or seem to be of any help. No amount of antidepressants give me an incentive to move forward anymore.

So maybe this is the final answer that God is giving me. Give it up, stupid. You don't have any ability to help her or yourself. I hate to leave her alone in life with the debts that have been created trying to get our life back to normal, but I just don't see any other answer. I am so depressed, disappointed, and absolutely without any hope that life will ever get better. My twin brother died four months ago. He was my best friend. Maybe he's the lucky one and I should hope that the afterlife will find his friendship and companionship again and I can be happy again.

Just don't know. Wish there were an answer. Doesn't seem to be one now. I'll give it a few more days and see but I am so tired and disappointed with life that I don't want to live anymore. If you live in Canon City, CO, perhaps you'll see my obituary in the local newpaper and wish me lcuk.

I love everyone who I meet and am so happy for those that have found answers to happiness in this life. I just can't right now and I'm so sorry.

Terry Squier

Hi Terry! You've come to a good place here at PC.

No, God never tells us to give up, that's how you know it's the depression talking.

Depression tells us lies. Come back and post when you are not medicating with the alcohol, ok? I know what it's like to try all the meds and not have something to work for you.

It doesn't take a lot of money to begin to get well...you already began by posting here. You haven't given up, you're trying another avenue, and there is much support for you.

((((hugs)))

If you truly are feeling there's no hope, please go to the ER and tell them how depressed you are feeling. Please. Depression makes us feel there is no hope, when there really is... really. You don't need to die, you need something to change for the better for you.

Hi Terry,
Welcome to PC -- I'm glad you found us! I felt like I needed to respond to you because I've been where you are now and it CAN get better. I totally can feel your pain oozing from your words. Depression is very painful. It does tell us lies, as Sky has said. I understand the drinking, but please don't continue with that because it will only make things worse for you.

Baby steps. It's not gonna feel warm and fuzzy all at once. There are resources out there that don't cost money. If you don't know where to start, the local ER is a great place. They can get you hooked up if you tell them the truth about how you feel.

Please continue to post and let us know how you're feeling and, let us support you. You will find lots of wisdom here; a lot of experience, strength and hope.
Best,
Okie

HI Terry!!! Welcome to PC! Listen to what all of these wise and informative people are saying...you are more important than you realize...you have a lot to offer the world as well as us.

Please continue to post, and feel free to contact me, if you want, through PMs if you feel you need to talk...

((((((((((Terry)))))))

Please know I have been where you are and it's an awful place. Also know I am getting better slowly and surely and so will you, please don't think of ending your life, there is always an answer, always somewhere to turn, someone to talk to, reach out here, pm me anything, just please dont take your precious life, I am sending you gentle hugs my friend, it's your wifes choice, unfortunately as you know they have to get better themselves, you have stood by her and tried to help, think about things and do what is besst for you, two peoples lives are being ruined here, please keep posting or pming,

Love, Jinnyannxx

Terry please find the help you need including here. I am sorry that things have piled up on you and you feel there is no alternative. I am sorry about your wife. At some point you need to evaluate the effect on both you and her. You are just as important. Sometimes things just seem to be too hard but you can work throught them. I really am sorry about your pain. I know where you are coming from and how much it hurts and how much it seems that the pain will never end. But it will. Please find some help. Feel free to PM me anytime.

BB

Terry, I can't offer you any magical solutions, but I know from experience that you can't help your wife she has to want to get help. Recently I thought that life wasn't worth it anymore, but luckily I reached out and called 911 who got me started on getting the immediate help that I needed. That was to be safe from harm and myself. I needed the time in the hospital to realize death is permanent and that later I couldn't change my mind or my plans. Even if you don't want help please I urge you to go straight to the emergency room or call 911. This is the best advice I can give you and I wish you well. I hope that you take other people's advice right now especially in the frame of mind you are in. You just can't trust your own judgment so try to trust what others are telling you. Take care

terry like the others have said, please keep reaching out and don't take your life, you're far too important and precious. Everyone here understands where you're coming from. Please PM me too if you want to talk,
((((( terry )))))