[Capac]

I am 30 years old and my life is at a stand still, been like this since last year when I got off my meds. I got much worse off the meds and lost my job back in September. I have been getting progressively worse since then. I went back on meds in December and they did not do anything for me but give me side effects and made me feel worse in different ways. I been through six meds and one hospitalization since then, been feeling worse still in many different ways. Therapy has not helped either, even though I have a new therapist. There are things I like to do when I am ok, drawing, reading, writing, spirituality, lifting weights, running, socializing, but when I am not well, none of these things help, at all. The only thing that does anything is drinking, and that is it numbs everything, it gives me a break and lets me think outside of my head. I feel normal when I drink. I really have lost all hope and i have no idea what will help me. I want to be done with meds too, but as I am lowering the dose to try and get off, I am feeling the symptoms again of anxiety, racing thoughts, paranoia, excessive fear and worry. I don't know what to do regarding medication. I have become very sensitive to meds and I get side effects and reactions to all of them.

I have no social life, I don't ever see anyone and I spend majority of my time in my room. The only person I am close with is my mom, in fact she is the reason I keep on going, I don't want to hurt her. I am trying to go out more and socialize, but I have severely low self esteem and self worth. Sometimes I feel like I am going to go crazy from the loneliness and isolation.

[Capac]

The fact that I am self mediating with alcohol makes me think I do need to find the "right" medication, even if all meds have failed me up to this point. I drank last night and want to drink again tonight just to feel normal, give me that edge. Have to talk to my dr when I see him on Monday. I don't know how I am going to cope, I guess trying distractions and get involved with things if my mind doesn't race or obsess too much to get anything done. I swear I don't know what else to do. Saw my therapist today. It concerns me how my symptoms have changed and gotten worse this week, after the decrease in the last med I am taking. Maybe I do in fact need it, at the right doses and right med combination if that is what is needed.

[treevoice]

Hi there,

It sounds like maybe inconsistency in your treatment plus alcohol use might be part of the problem you're having getting a treatment to work. It's hard on your body to go on and off prescriptions and alcohol can interact with your treatment in unforeseen ways, not to mention it can interfere with your sleep cycles and can be hard on your mental health in general - especially with consistent use. What is it about alcohol that helps you? Is it the sedative properties? Maybe you can use that as a clue to what it is you are needing and find a healthier substitute or more appropriate prescription.

Wishing you luck and health. <3

[Fuzzybear]

I’m sorry I can’t take meds now and my life is ... a struggle

And I’m sorry that’s all I’ve got (I’m tired )

[MtnTime2896]

Feeling normal when drinking, I completely understand that. I've been doing that myself for the past few weeks, along with a couple other ways to self-medicate.

You're probably right, given the right med combo, you could be just fine. At the same time, the meds will only ever do so much and you also have to treat any underlying problems. That's where therapy comes in. If it's not helping you now, give it time, if it's still not helping you after a while, I'd try a different therapist and/or a different kind of therapy.

Isolation is a hard one. I don't know if you'll understand this, but when I become isolated it's this weird feeling of being unbearably lonely, practically begging for someone to keep me company, and wanting to be alone all at the same time. Best thing I've done to work with this is making myself be around people I know at least twice a week.

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I'll keep an eye on this thread and my inbox. Take care.

[downandlonely]

I don't think the meds can work properly when combined with alcohol. And it can also be a dangerous combination depending on what you're taking. I hope you can find something that works for you.

[Capac]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I feel I have completely given up hope and stopped trying, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get better, I just can’t see it happening. I am living the rest of my days waiting to die. I haven’t attempted suicide in years, and the only thing that stops me is my mom, I can’t hurt her, so I just live for her not to be in pain or miss me if I were gone. But everyday is misery, torture, loneliness, and madness that I can’t even keep up with my symptoms. I want nothing more than to die than keep on living like this, there is no end in sight and no relief ever.

[Capac]

Originally Posted by treevoice

Hi there,

It sounds like maybe inconsistency in your treatment plus alcohol use might be part of the problem you're having getting a treatment to work. It's hard on your body to go on and off prescriptions and alcohol can interact with your treatment in unforeseen ways, not to mention it can interfere with your sleep cycles and can be hard on your mental health in general - especially with consistent use. What is it about alcohol that helps you? Is it the sedative properties? Maybe you can use that as a clue to what it is you are needing and find a healthier substitute or more appropriate prescription.

Wishing you luck and health. <3

I drink to self medicate. It stops all the obsessive, intrusive, and racing thoughts, and makes me feel normal, well enough to get out of my own head and do things with focus and concentration. Especially talking to other people. It also makes me feel better mood wise, like happier. My mind takes a break and can handle everything and be objective.