This may sound like one of those "that should be an obvious answer" questions, and maybe I am just dumb or something. But let me explain my situation and then tell me what y'all think...

[Possible Trigger]

I have been having "passive" suicidal thoughts, such as "I wish I didn't wake up in the morning". I have also been having "active" suicidal thoughts such as researching how I could go through with it.


So, my question comes in to play with the following: I have not actually made the decision yet to go through with it, but have obtained items "in case" the urge should overcome me. I feel like I want to be ready in the event it should happen. I don't want to "change my mind" as I have in the past. So, because I "anticipate" that "urge" overcoming me at some point in the future and am "preparing" to go through with it when the "urge" does happen, does that mean I am suicidal NOW? This question haunts me because I don't know what to say if someone should ask me, "Are you suicidal?"...

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I'm not a mental health professional. But, based on my own personal experience, I would have to say you are suicidal. And my recommendation is to not wait until someone asks you if you are suicidal, but rather to reach out, in real life, now for the help you need.

One of the factors, in determining whether or not a person is suicidal, is if they have a plan as well as the means to carry the plan out. From what you wrote, it sounds as though you have both. I have been where you are... twice. And it didn't end well either time. Please reach out, in real life, for help.

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I'm not a mental health professional. But, based on my own personal experience, I would have to say you are suicidal. And my recommendation is to not wait until someone asks you if you are suicidal, but rather to reach out, in real life, now for the help you need.

One of the factors, in determining whether or not a person is suicidal, is if they have a plan as well as the means to carry the plan out. From what you wrote, it sounds as though you have both. I have been where you are... twice. And it didn't end well either time. Please reach out, in real life, for help.

Thanks. That helps to know someone understands. Anyway, I have attempted it in the past, but it was impulsive and not thinking it through clearly. The most recent one (June 1st) was where I stood outside barefoot in the rain while it was lightning real badly. Then after crying a bit, I decided it might hurt if I got struck so I came inside. Then, the urge eventually passed. I go back and forth in my head debating whether I should make it look like an accident (which could involve some suffering as you can't control an "accident" without it being obvious); and whether I should say "screw it, I don't care what anyone thinks" and do something that will be painless.


That strong "urge" hasn't returned since the lightning incident. I just want to be "prepared" for when the "urge" does overcome me again. At this very moment I don't have the "intention" to go through with it. That is why I am not sure if it's really anything to be concerned with yet. Sorry for ranting.


Oh well...

[imchet]

It sounds like you are in a very dangerous place. I was there about three months ago. I would strongly recommend you go to the nearest ER and be completely honest with the doctors/crisis team there. I finally got the courage to do that, and have to say it was one of the best choices I've ever made.

Originally Posted by imchet

It sounds like you are in a very dangerous place. I was there about three months ago. I would strongly recommend you go to the nearest ER and be completely honest with the doctors/crisis team there. I finally got the courage to do that, and have to say it was one of the best choices I've ever made.

Thanks for the advice, but I am seriously at the point right now where I simply do not care to be "helped". Sure, if someone confronted me and asked if I was feeling this way, I might open up. I just can't bring myself to even care enough to be the one to mention it first.

In my experience it means a way of hurting the ones we love.

That'll show em'

Many would disagree. But I believe it's people that brings us to the point of asking such a valid question.

I've tried

Are you in the United States? Don't commit suicide, a lot can go wrong. Ask to be euthanized. I know your feelings, I really do. It's coming from someone who was injured, asphyxiated, and then emotionally and physically abused by his parents as a child. I will never have real friends or a girlfriend, I am too stupid for that. I can be a doctor (trying to) but I think I will fail due to my neurosis and brain injury combined with terrible parenting.

Originally Posted by TheLonelyChemist

Are you in the United States? Don't commit suicide, a lot can go wrong. Ask to be euthanized. I know your feelings, I really do. It's coming from someone who was injured, asphyxiated, and then emotionally and physically abused by his parents as a child. I will never have real friends or a girlfriend, I am too stupid for that. I can be a doctor (trying to) but I think I will fail due to my neurosis and brain injury combined with terrible parenting.

Yes, I am in the US. That I know of, the only states that allow Dr. assisted suicide, only do it for terminally ill that have only 6 months left to live. Otherwise, that would be a dandy idea.

The mistake was on my part. I read online just now that euthanasia is for the terminally ill only. I am sorry but I cannot give you an advice, I wish I could. I know how it's hard to fight daily.

Originally Posted by 2ISAB

In my experience it means a way of hurting the ones we love.

That'll show em'

Many would disagree. But I believe it's people that brings us to the point of asking such a valid question.

I've tried

for me it's simply

urges or thoughts that you don't want to be in this world

even if you don't act on them and still think it, you are still suicidal

I've tried too

for me it isn't people, I guess (though maybe partly)

for me it's like... well here I am on this earth, taking up space and using resources, and what have I actually accomplished?. what has my life been about?

diffrent reasons for diffrent people is what I'm saying

Originally Posted by raging vortex

for me it's simply

urges or thoughts that you don't want to be in this world

even if you don't act on them and still think it, you are still suicidal

I've tried too

I suppose you are absolutely correct. Your post reminds me of a bible verse in which Jesus said, "He who is angry with his brother without just cause is already a murderer".


To me, that means the thought and the desire is the same as the action; because the thought and desire is what eventually leads to the action.


So I have to agree when you say "even if you don't act on them and still think it, you are still suicidal".

Thanks for your response.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by StarGazer28

This may sound like one of those "that should be an obvious answer" questions, and maybe I am just dumb or something. But let me explain my situation and then tell me what y'all think...

[Possible Trigger]

I have been having "passive" suicidal thoughts, such as "I wish I didn't wake up in the morning". I have also been having "active" suicidal thoughts such as researching how I could go through with it.


So, my question comes in to play with the following: I have not actually made the decision yet to go through with it, but have obtained items "in case" the urge should overcome me. I feel like I want to be ready in the event it should happen. I don't want to "change my mind" as I have in the past. So, because I "anticipate" that "urge" overcoming me at some point in the future and am "preparing" to go through with it when the "urge" does happen, does that mean I am suicidal NOW? This question haunts me because I don't know what to say if someone should ask me, "Are you suicidal?"...

First off this is not a stupid question. I too struggle with being passively suicidal and actively suicidal. As far as "professionals" are concerned they are both considered to be suicidal. In my personal opinion there is a big difference in wanting to die/not wanting to live & wanting to take your own life.