I got a bit of sleep earlier, but now I don't really want to be awake all night. Hopefully I'll have the discipline for myself to get off the computer soon and go back to bed.

I get so forgetful when I lose sleep, and irritable. It's hard to get back to sleep once I've been awoken, and thoughts start going through my mind.

[Rose76]

Here's what I take about 8 p.m.

amitriptyline 60 mg
melatonin 10 mg
magnesium - a big capsule
Valerian root - 2 capsules
Baclofen - 20 mg

I eat supper about 7 p.m. with about 7 ounces of wine. Then there's a Vicodin (hydrocodone) that I pop some time in the even.

If I fall asleep by 1 a.m. I feel like I'm doing great. Then I can sleep no more than 5 hours, before waking up.

I'm not sure if all those things help. But whatever might help, I take.

Just some suggestions for my fellow insomniacs.

[sky457]

Alone...been a really rough two weeks. I wish I had someone....I wish I didn’t have to struggle so much. I don’t think I can make it...

[Deilla]

Went to urgent care and got some medication for my cough this weekend. Just recovering now. I feel Okay. I'm mainly relaxing. Yesterday was bad. I was so depressed I cancelled my birthday plans. Tomorrow is my birthday. Oh well, I usually stay at home anyway and do nothing. It doesn't matter.

[Yzen]

I struggled today and it feels like everywhere I turn, I am stuck. I can't seem to break free in any area of my life.

[88Butterfly88]

Possible trigger:

A few people I knew recently died. I feel like why do they get to die but I'm stuck on this horrible planet. The people who died weren't super close to me but they were too young. So just depressed about it.

[Rose76]

I feel like I'm just barely coping.

[Deilla]

Today is my birthday. It started off well and then went south on Facebook. I haven't heard from my family. They usually forget about me on my birthday. My step mom remembered though. So that was good. I'm starting to get depressed and I really wanted today to be a good day.

[Yzen]

Happy Birthday, Deilla! I hope the rest of your day is great.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Today is my birthday. It started off well and then went south on Facebook. I haven't heard from my family. They usually forget about me on my birthday. My step mom remembered though. So that was good. I'm starting to get depressed and I really wanted today to be a good day.

Happy birthday Deilla. I hope today turned for the better for you.

Suicidal.

[zapatoes]

Just drifting through the day,do my work well, but sad, drift through the weekend, sad, can’t make it to prior social engagement. Just feel empty, sad, IDK, what is it, it’s emptiness, sadness, or worse apathy. Sometimes get angry at other drivers, but try to chill. Don’t want to feel, don’t want to care, then nothing can touch me nothing can get through, I’m untouchable and won’t be hurt. Mmmhhh

[zapatoes]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Today is my birthday. It started off well and then went south on Facebook. I haven't heard from my family. They usually forget about me on my birthday. My step mom remembered though. So that was good. I'm starting to get depressed and I really wanted today to be a good day.

Facebook should be called “u suck book”, no sorry, it’s just such a “time waster “ and “oh look at me.”

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by the walls

Suicidal.

Do you have a tdoc or pdoc you can call? Are you safe? I’m sorry you are having a tough time. You’re not alone.

I'm very unhappy.

my halloween decorations (the rest of them) arived in the mail today

I just.... expected better from it all- I had expectations of them and they wern't met. blah,.

apart from that I've been coping okay, I think, I lost some time in the afternoon and I've gotten nothing accomplished, but it's an average day- and given how bad I've been feeling lately I suppose their's at least some relief that today is not as bad as some others

[Deilla]

Had a better day today. I stayed busy and I did take a long nap for lunch. That was nice. I just don't feel like doing anything and this weekend I may have some visitors for a short period. I don't care. I'm not cleaning. I will try to shower though.

[Rose76]

I'm kind of a mess mentally.

Hope it blows over.

[Rose76]

Sometimes I wish I had never been born.

feel okay so far today- a little gross from the shower, but I'm okay.

morning went to plan and it's not often that happens. so yay

[Deilla]

Just found out my mom and sister will be visiting too in the morning. So that makes it better than just having semi-strangers enter my home. They're picking up a stationary cycle. I really don't plan to clean. I don't expect them to stay long. I just want it over.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Just found out my mom and sister will be visiting too in the morning. So that makes it better than just having semi-strangers enter my home. They're picking up a stationary cycle. I really don't plan to clean. I don't expect them to stay long. I just want it over.

I hope the visit goes smoothly for you and that they don’t stay long.

[TarielHeck]

Well i suspect you will hear a lot from me over the next little bit lol
Yesterday was hell. Ive been trying for years to get the help i need while the list of issues keeps growing. I have extreme depression.

Finally got into a mental health nurse and the things she said blew me away. I think in the half hour i was in there she said almost everything you should never say to someone with depression. Things like memories can’t hurt you (i have ptsd), you lived through the worst life has to offer, the loss of your child, there is nothing worse, told her I don’t know how much more i can take, told her i am cutting again, told her i have no will. While I’m not a suicide risk because of who i am, i know enough to know when your planning it and you admit it that they should take it serious (having lost a child I wouldn’t put someone through that, not who i am) her response Change your attitude, its all in your head. I walked out with the promise of a referral to the autism clinic but nothing else. No tools, no numbers to call nadda. The entire time my service dog is tasking, trying to get me out, calm me, is doing perimeter, basically working her butt off and this woman doesnt stop with these types of comments. I only put up with it for the referral, i need to see her till i know its gone through but nearly 36 hours later i cant stop thinking about it, crying, feeling like i am screaming my head off for help and not being heard. I haven’t slept, my meds aren’t helping. I am so tired, i just want to lay down and stay there.

[Deilla]

Originally Posted by Deilla

Just found out my mom and sister will be visiting too in the morning. So that makes it better than just having semi-strangers enter my home. They're picking up a stationary cycle. I really don't plan to clean. I don't expect them to stay long. I just want it over.

I'm getting very anxious about this visit. My sister's husband will be there. He's the one that doesn't want me around because of my mental illness. I don't know where my sister lives or where she works. She hides that information from me. I don't want them in my home today.

yesterday evening I abandoned all plans of a cooked meal and just had a KFC!. it was delicious, 8 peaces of chicken, chips and a coke

afterwards I tried to settle down and watch " women on the verge", but was having really bad focus issues, and I ended up... well, I don't remember what I did- I lost time.

no sleep making it yet another sleepless week.
today so far had breakfast and dressed, put music on and came on here.

I feel average... not bad, but not really good- nothing I'm looking forward to or anything

I'm present though. I'm here. I'm in 2018

It's been a while since I've posted on here. I have been feeling pretty good lately. Not much depression. But this morning, I feel like it's returning a little bit. I felt depressed this morning before breakfast.

Last night I asked my friend if he wants to come over. It's like pulling teeth to get him to come over. I get so sick of it. He said he would think about it, but it looks very doubtful. I wanted to show him pictures of my vacation. He told me that he wouldn't be able to see them very well with his eyesight. I wish I had another friend. Making friends is so hard, especially at where I live. There are lots of people at where I live, but no friends to be made.

I have a lot to do anyways. But still it would be nice to have someone come to my place, especially when it's more convenient for me. I really feel this a lot on the weekends.