[Rose76]

It's nearly 6 a.m. and I am still awake. I've stayed in bed and have not been on my phone till now. I'm not sure that I've been awake these past three hours. But I think I have been.

Next time this happens I should take 25 mg of amitriptyline . . . or even the whole 50 mg tab. I am desperate to stop having this happen. I have a lot to do today. I can't wind up in bed making up for lost sleep.

[LifelongLoner]

Originally Posted by Rose76

It's nearly 6 a.m. and I am still awake. I've stayed in bed and have not been on my phone till now. I'm not sure that I've been awake these past three hours. But I think I have been.

Next time this happens I should take 25 mg of amitriptyline . . . or even the whole 50 mg tab. I am desperate to stop having this happen. I have a lot to do today. I can't wind up in bed making up for lost sleep.

Excuse me if you have tried this; I don't know you well so this is just a friendly suggestion. Have you tried exercise? I am not talking yoga. I am talking long walks (preferably in a natural setting like a park or leafy suburbs) and things that will tire you out so that you sleep better. Restful sleep just doesn't happen. Sometimes you need to do things that will induce it. It helps to stretch a little when getting up in the morning after a long walk to work out the stiffness, e.g., neck and shoulder rolls, upper body twists, ankle turns when sitting, wiggling your toes. If you like animals, go a zoo and walk around. Exercise is a great medicine when done in moderation and in non-injury provoking ways.

[Turtle_Rider]

I feel like an utter failure. Today I found out an old classmate made it; he just launched his own brand of product. We're at the same age, but different accomplishment. He own a business and I'm stuck at a low entry job.

I know my situation is actually much better than a lot of people at the same age or older than me. I also know that he deserve that for his hard work and his determination to take such risk. But I can't help. I feel like a loser.

Today was pretty busy and a better day emotionally than yesterday. I did some light shopping this morning. In the afternoon I got together with my friend and it was nice. It's the first time I've seen him in a month. We mostly talked about me wanted to sell my place and move elsewhere. For the first time ever he's understanding about it. That's very comforting for me because he has always been against it. I don't know what came over him on this.

Early this morning I felt bad because I made a post on another discussion board. It was a Christian one and I had poured out my feelings about my family and how untogether we are. Someone replied back to me implying that it's my fault that it's that way. That board has reputation for fighting and disagreements. I should have known better not to have posted on there.

Since this is where I've posted the most often, I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas. Make the best of it that we can. Hugs to all

[Rose76]

I slept most of the night.

Thanks, Lifelong Loner, for the advice. I do need more exercise.

Nothing much, so far, on this Christmas Eve. I'm doing the laundry now. It's a nice day outside, but unfortunately it's going to be a rainy day tomorrow. Great, that's just what I need on Christmas Day! I won't know what to do with myself if it's going to be rainy.

My friend has an appointment with the eye doctor today. He thinks that he is going blind. That means he'll not be able to come over and visit me anymore. That's too bad. I liked it much better when he could visit me. When I first knew him, he was able to drive to my place. I wish he could still do that.

Feeling pretty down right now. And now, suddenly, it's hit me that it's Christmas Eve and I'm alone. At where I live I'm seeing people with their families. I'm happy for them, but I wish it were me.

My friend came back from the eye doctor. The eye doctor told him that he has a scratched cornea and gave him eye drops for him to use for two weeks. His vision may get better in a couple of weeks when using as directed. I would hope so.

[Deilla]

It's been a hard day. I slept for most of it. I'm all alone. I'll be alone tomorrow too. I was going to do arts and crafts but I don't feel well enough anymore. I just want to sleep.

[88Butterfly88]

Possible trigger:

My grandfather died this morning.

Was understandably depressed but ended up talking to a friend and am feeling better now.

[Rose76]

I'm so sick of petty criticism. Just had a blow up. It's been a lousy Christmas Eve.

I am really struggling with christmas grattitude.

I am close to tears this morning because I didn't get what I wanted for christmas (a new sparkly dress), however- I did get a new bottle of perfume and a beautiful music box (you spin it around and it plays we wish you a merry christmas)

I'm close to crying my eyes out though because I really wanted the dress

honestly I feel like a bratty kid at the moment- give me what I want or i'm gonna pout type thing

of course I'm grateful, the music box is lovely and the perfume smells amazing, but I can't shake what I really wanted- and what's worse is that the woman who actually got me the perfume, you could tell I didn't react like she was expecting.

how to be greatful for it when your face is showing a diffrent story

hard one..

In having this four-day weekend and today is a day that I feel like I don't have to rush out to do things. Saturday I cleaned & went shopping. Sunday I got a haircut. I had to get to the barber early (just before 9) so that I can beat the crowd. But there were already four guys ahead of me when I got there at 8:50. Yesterday I did the laundry and started it at 8AM. It seemed like the laundry room at where I live was never used the whole day.

This morning I woke up around 6. Today is kind of a day that I don't have much to do, so I didn't have to get up early. I got out of bed at 7:15. I don't know what to do with myself today. Right now it's cloudy, windy, and some passing showers. I hope that I can at least go for a bike ride today as it may clear out by the afternoon. Of all things, the weather has been pretty good for a while and looks like it's going to be good for at least another two weeks. Why does it have to rain today, of all days!

My friend has gone 100 miles away to visit his children and grand-children. He had asked me if I wanted to come with him, but I declined. I feel awkward being with family that I don't know. I think that my phone will be silent today. I talked to my sister very briefly last week and told her to call me this weekend, but not on Christmas Day because I won't feel like talking. I hadn't heard from her this weekend. Also I felt bad last night that my friend and I only talked for 10 minutes; and he was hurrying me to talk. It's normally not like that when we talk to each other on the phone.

Well, another Christmas just came and went, and rather quickly. It was nice and relaxing but nothing like the way Christmas used to be for me. Not much interaction with others and; no phone calls & emails from others.

At times I feel like, "what's wrong with me?". There has to be something very wrong with me when I spend my Christmases alone. At least I was thankful I didn't run across my neighbors with all kinds of small talk. Like, "what are you doing for Christmas? Oh, you're alone? That's too bad". I used to get stuff like that a lot. So thankful I didn't get any of that this time. But it still hurts being alone.

[T4bbyCat]

Christmas is gone, soon to be followed by the New Year. Drank a bit too much "accidentally," even if I never intended to. Isolation, depression and alcohol are not a good mix.

I have no regrets christmas day is over.

no post holiday blues, no upset, nothing like that.

it was ****

well maybe a bit harsh... it had some good parts, but not many

it felt just like any random day

and I didn't get what I wanted from santa, so you know what?

baa ****ing humbug

i'm not loved enough, no one cares about getting me a dress, move on

I feel a bit emotional.

silly really... I'm watching the christmas music channel and they are playing " I love christmas time" by the fast food rockers

I can't help thinking that tomorrow the channel won't be their and it will be back to old, boring, music from the 1980's.

which I have no right to ***** about- because if I want christmas music I can play it anytime of the year

just feel a little upset by it all.. the christmas music channel has been a part of my life for like a month (I know, that's sad, right?)

and now it's going away

It's back to work today. At least it's nice seeing the people again, though lots of others are out. I had come to a conclusion that yesterday sucked. It rained for most of the day. I didn't get much for Christmas and I was alone. Last night was the topper as I went to the pool area and there was a party in the clubhouse. There were lots of screaming and loud noises from there. And they had the windows opened on a cold night! After that I called my friend and there was no answer. I called him this morning and still no answer. I hope he's alright.

One guy at work just asked me how my Christmas was. I told him that it wasn't that great. "OK", he said. I'm sure he had a blast as he was with his family with a lot of gift giving and cheer. I didn't have any of that. And now I'm glad that Christmas is over. But there's still the time between Christmas & New Years to deal with which I think is even harder.

[Rose76]

I've kind of hit a wall. It's very hard for me to even function . . . hard to get up and put one foot in front of the other.

I have to feed my bf. He's had nothing since breakfast. It's almost 4:30 p.m. I guess it will be ham and eggs - sort of a late fancy brunch.

I'm so tired of preparing meals for him.

I just want to lie somewhere and look at things on the internet. I'm turning to mush inside my head.

[Deilla]

Tired of feeling lonely. No one to talk to. Didn't really hear from anyone on Christmas. Just greetings. No conversations. Everyone was too busy. Tried to talk to someone today but I haven't heard anything. I thought today would be better.

[sky457]

Really difficult dating experience...again. I need to stop......and protect myself again....

Goodnight...

Originally Posted by Deilla

Tired of feeling lonely. No one to talk to. Didn't really hear from anyone on Christmas. Just greetings. No conversations. Everyone was too busy. Tried to talk to someone today but I haven't heard anything. I thought today would be better.

this is sort of how I feel lately too. I felt quite lonely and abandoned over christmas- and when I have seen people it's either been about them, or it's been just a simple merry christmas

what's annoyed me recently (and it annoys me more and more every day) is that when people see me and talk to me, it's never about my feelings- and never about how I truly feel. it's always about other stuff

today I felt quite patronized- because I told someone that I didn't get a lot for christmas, and she replied

" well, santa has a lot of people to see. he's a very busy man."

... how old am I again?. 4?

it would just be nicer if people started to talk to me about things on a mature level and understand that I too, have emotions

today feels so normal, and not in a good way, either.

just the stretch of normalness between christmas and new year.... I don't know why I hate it so much (even though it feels just as bad as any other day of the year, these 4 days are the worst)
in my case it's thinking about how bad christmas was, and how depressed I am for the new year

hate these few days

wrote my shopping list for next week and my weekly menu
that is all i'm doing today

[sarahsweets]

Hey all above me... I am really sorry you feel that way. its a sh*tty feeling. Especially that Santa comment... seriously? F you. How about empathy you as*hole?