[dexter]

With temp working, new doctor appointments, physical therapy today, sometimes feeling much better....

then followed by the world caving in. Foreclosure notice on my door today, every corner I'm convinced someone is following me to reposess my car, TONS of letters from lawyers... most are ads offering their assistance in my forclosure (guess the name goes on a list) but I have to open them all to make sure there aren't any real lawyer notices.

I'm bouncing all over the place and don't know where I am.

Was it better when I was just able to stay under the covers all day?

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--http://www.idexter.com

[wisewoman]

Dex, I'm sorry you are having this kind of stress. I will think about you having the resources to deal with it. It sounds pretty dreadful but you'll get through it. You have new reserves!

[Wants2Fly]

II empathize, Dexter.

Keep going, keep going.

Luv n hugs.

[SeptemberMorn]

"Was it better when I was just able to stay under the covers all day?"

Noop! It wasn't better, no way, no how! Yes, you've got problems but in the short time I've known you, I know you have the resources to get through this. You will get through it! Just take it one thing, one step at a time, slow but sure.

Got positive energy flowing your way, my dear friend.



<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[ghost]

((((((((((Dexter)))))))))))

I empathise. .I wish I could help. :/

ghost

---------
....Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

[(JD)]

oh bother.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[darkeyes]

I am speechless, imagine. . .me?
But I am sending you some (((((((((((((((( dexter )))))))))))))))))
Wish I had some words of comfort to offer, but a hug can "say" more sometimes.

Wishing you better days, hang in there my friend.

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((((({{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dex}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}))))))))))))))))))))

[shakes]

((((((Dex))))))
Please hang in there.

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[gloria]

Have you contacted Consumer Credit Counselor? or HUD?
HUD has a program that may be able to rescue your home. contact them now, here is their number 1-800-569-4287. It might be too late but still is worth giving it a shot.

Good luck and I hope they can still help you.

gab
<div class="foot">(Edited by gloria on 07/21/04 03:13 PM.)</div>

[dexter]

Thanks everyone... I'm definitely still weird.

Had two appts today that went well... my second physical therapy session this morning and a visite to my RD after that. Since that was all over relatively early I had careful plans. Go to the DMV for some forms, call a lawyer, return the call of a bank.

I was very careful to plan... I always make plans and then do the first thing on the list and then say "that's enough" so I didn't want to do that today. I planned to go to the DMV first since that was a trip out of the house... since I'd been to the doc I was already out and could continue that momentum. That would get me past the point of the day where I would just go back to sleep. And it was non-challenging emotionally so it wouldn't drain me. Then I'd be good for the two phone calls.

So... I went to the doctor, came home, went to sleep.

The fear of stuff is definitely crippling me, even though I always feel better afterward. When I called the guy about the foreclosure papers I felt better after calling. That knowledge doesn't seem to motivate me though.

I have a T appt tomorrow, I'll see how that goes.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[dexter]

Thanks gloria. I have a list of numbers to call since I first got behind on my payments and haven't been able to call any of them. Also got a list of legal services along with my foreclosure papers, was hoping to call one of them today.

HUD might be a good place for me to start.

If I bring myself to it with this number or any other I'll report back here. That is an important goal for me.

I do think part of it is that I'm still not working, so I don't see a way out of this even with help. (Even though I know some of the numbers I have can offer financial help... since when does logic count with depression?)

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--http://www.idexter.com

[dexter]

I have a whine coming... don't want to post separately because it is a whine with too much vintage . I hate to whine about this because there are so many others that are worse off in this regard, but this is only my personal feelings as they relate to me...

But I am still feeling largely hopeless because of the lack of people that I trust in my real life. . I am really tired of people giving me advice and telling me how they made it through hard times... and ALL their stories of loss involve them and their family. They've lost money and home and gone back to live with their parents. They don't understand that losing my home is only part of it, the fact that I don't have parents, or any other family to help me out, is a huge emotional burdon on me (especially that I am currently fighting to keep my father from moving in with me right now... so there's a load of guilt there too).

I know people struggling to keep their marrige or family together... I am not in any way minimizing their pain and stress, but it strikes me that they have a family to fight for and I don't. They have a love that they lost, and I never have. And everyone "knows" 'tis better to have loved and lost...

I know I've said this before but, there is still the huge issue of no longer trusting my friends... which was always my feeling of "surrogate family" so now I really feel alone for the first time. It impacts on my ability to get through my current mess but no matter how hard I try, I keep thinking that "success" means not losing my house and thereby having the "priveledge" of living the rest of my life alone and in pain. It drains me.

It feels like I don't have any goals in life anymore. I do appreciate the setting of daily goals, small steps, recognizing small progress. But I do think that only works in the context of having a larger goal that may seem unreachable... if only the goal of not having to struggle through the small things everyday anymore. If I manage a check-mate on the current problems, I'll be left alone on the chess board with no one to share victory with.


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--http://www.idexter.com

[krzyk101]

(((((((((Dexter)))))))))

I am sorry to hear that you are going through all of this on top of the depression. I hope your T appointment helps.

You said you are still not to work, have you considered filing for Social Security Disibility Benifits? When the T and Pdoc thought that I may be long term they had me apply for benifits. The reason I am asking is because I have known people who went too long without applying for benefits even if they may have a chance to go back to work. When I applied I had to apply for both SSI and Social Security Disibility at the same time. The thing is on the Social Security Disibility is that the take the date that you apply for full benifits, and from that date of application go back 5 years of your FICA payments to determine your age/amount paid in during the prior 5 years from application, for the amount of your disibility monthly benifit.

I applied right away when living in a group home and they went back 5 years and for the age of 21 I had paid in enough to be eligible for full benifits. After about 2 years I was eligable for Medicare part A & B, and state Medicaid.

I have known some who have waited too long and the time they were not employeed during the prior 5 years went against them as they counted that time as being nothing paid in. I don't know just in a long way wanted to pass that on. Even if you plan to go back to work, it may be helpful to apply for Social Security as it usually takes them so long anyway, and if you were approved before you had a steady job, at least you would have a guarenteed income and health insurance.

I do hope things begin to look up for you (((((Dave)))))

Sending Positive Vibes-peace-Chris-

______________
~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[dexter]

My pdoc won't approve benefits. In his eyes I am now responding to the medicine, so officially I am no longer "disabled". I can't disagree with him, as my last two sessions with him have shown unbelievable improvement. And I like him as a doc and it would not feel ethical for me to "shop around" for a doctor less stringent in his thoughts on that. I did kind of know this about him going in, I was warned that he was a "tough cookie" in some regards. He wouldn't even sign the last set of papers to extend my temporary disability.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[Wants2Fly]

Lots and lots helpful and rings true for me in this discussion.

I have trouble believing in any goals, sleep too late, play endless games of Free Cell solitaire, almost hypnotized by it. Feel as if I am running my life but can't seem to find any motivation to stop. I've already lost everything I cared about.

I appreciate the tip about applying for disability.

So far, I don't think I have a doc who'll cooperate. But my take on that is -- there's almost always a doc somewhere who will.

[dexter]

>>I appreciate the tip about applying for disability

I should add some info to give you a more complete picture... In terms of disability I had no problem at all applying, getting my doctor to fill out the form, getting it approved (temporary disability from the state of New Jersey). Depression is a recognized illness, understood to impede our ability to think, interact, work. If you have a diagnosis of depression, bipolar, or something else I would think the doc would give you no more trouble signing for you as a person who had surgery or something.

My current doc was filling out my forms, the reason he declined recently is because of my condition. Although I am still struggling a lot, it is definite that my meds have kicked in, and therefore in medical terms I have "recovered" and therefore no longer eligible for disability.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[krzyk101]

I didn't know, I hope you didn't think that I meant anything bad by it. I didn't know of that you are responding to your medicine and getting better, even though things are difficult in your life right now. I kinda feel like it is good news that you are getting better only seen the other side of the problems with your house and all. I am very glad you are responding to the treatment and wish you the very best in getting back out to working again.
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I am sorry if anyone felt the 'tip' I gave was that of a glamourous tip to get on Social Security. I would have much traded in these beasts of mental illness of which I have 4 to have continued to persue my dream of being a Nurse. Working today without having to take 18 pills a day and live with myself and this b*itch of a disibility. I would love to have the option of pulling a double again, instead by no choice of my own I have no option other than to be forced to live under poverty level, recieve food stamps, dependant on various chairity organizations from time to time honestly grateful for the can of salmon and bag of potatoes....and have worked very hard to get what I have got 'Independance' that of being for living by myself for almost 2 years now in my own apartment my anniversery is Dec 13th.

After 9 years of group homes, shelters, and sleeping rooms in and out of the 3 so many times I can't count that high. So to some my second hand furnished one bedroom apartment may seem and apartment. To me it is part of my 'Job Description' to me, finally a home. So put a timeclock just inside the door, and one on my body (close to my brain) one on the night stand.....I am actually way overworked and underpaid...to say the least, not to mention for as it seems I am in a dead end job.

Just wanted to add a 'tip' to all the people all over the United States that think Mental disabilitys are the easy way out, or "lazy people who don't want to work" To all of those behind me at the checkout who roll their eyes as I say "I've got foodstamps" Yes some have less, I am just thankful for what I have got. My full time job.

______________
~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[pebblypoo]

If you lived close enough to me I'd go to the supermarket with you next time and deck every one of those people who roll their eyes at you!

<font color=purple> The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated--Gandhi

Sometimes I lie awake at night in bed and I ask, "Is it all worth it?" And then a voice says, "Who are you talking to?" And another voice says, "You mean, ' To whom are you talking?'" And I say, "No wonder I lie awake at night."--Charlie Brown </font color=purple>

[Peanut61]

A chapter 13 bankruptcy petition might be the way to go. It would give you 3-5 years to repay the arrearages on your home loan, and to pay a certain percentage to other creditors, after which those debts would be discharged. To keep the home, however, you'd need to be able to keep you pre-foreclosure mortgage payment amount current on an ongoing basis.

Just some thoughts (((((((((((((((Dave)))))))))))))))); sending you positive energy.

Regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[dexter]

Hi Kris my response there was not in relation to anything you said... I appreciated your comments and I always appreciate your comments.

I just thought for someone coming into this thread "blind" and hearing of difficulty getting the doc to sign for disability for me, might be discouraging for them. I wanted to make it clear that it was NOT difficult for me to get disability, only to continue it.. and confirm that depression is a valid reason, and is accepted as a valid reason, to apply for disability. There is nothing to be ashamed about, and no reason to think that it might be a "long shot" as might have been the impression upon only hearing the "end" of my story.

I like what you wrote about "full time job." I think it is worth mentioning that although some people may see disability as "an easy way out" and although no doubt there are people who abuse the system that way, that doesn't mean it is an abuse of the system to make use of it if you need it. That is what it is there for, and while some people may be reluctant to file, it is actually a positive attribute to realize if and when you do need some help and to be able to ask for it.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[(JD)]

...can I be that person? I just came into this maybe again? Iforget

but can't read the whole thread I am so depressed...

and I know the insurance company and opposing attorney and maybe my own attorney? keep pushing to delete my account or me? from their payroll...

lately by trying to get me to their insurance whor doctors to say I can work

well I said all that to say thanks for your post about depression...

it reminded me that one person ALWAYS in my court in my psychologist and he knows and has to remind me of my depression affecting me and my thinking...

and that means nothing the others try will work...

did I make any sense? oh well. I meant to say thanks.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[krzyk101]

Sorry Dex,

None of that was directed at you, just got off on a tangent there, seems many see the the person who has mental or emotional and think 'they look normal' guess I just kinda went off into the way I feel people view mental illness in general.

Kind of like the part of the song by Matchbox twenty where they say "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell, I know right now you can't tell, but stay awhile and then you'll see a different side of me" from the song 'Unwell'

Oh, btw, my reply (first) came after you posted the update so the reply was to the one before the update of the post. Sorry slow computer and didn't realize the reply looked as if it was to the update of your post. Hope things are well, or at least better. Sorry about the misunderstanding and confusion.

Peace-

______________
~KRIS~

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[dexter]

No misunderstanding here kris... I understood what you meant and I agree with you.

I was only trying to be "proactive" for people who might have been reading this without knowing what was going on... and I didn't even mean to be addressing the emotional or stygmatic side of it... really just the practical aspect. I didn't want someone to read that I was having difficulty getting my doc to sign disability forms and think that in general it was a challenge to get such forms signed. Because in fact it was very easy for me to get the forms signed, apply, and be approved. I didn't want to discourage others from trying or to make them afraid of trying.

It was only after I showed improvement that my doc was reluctant to continue signing... it is not like it was a challenge initially and I didn't want others who may be considering starting the process to think otherwise.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[dexter]

Sky I think I understand what you are saying... being pushed and pulled by doctors, lawyers, insurance, etc who's interests are in money rather than your health can be frustrating... especially with a condition that many uneducated or uninformed people think isn't "really a problem".

But you acknowledge that your pdoc is someone you trust to understand and have your best interests at heart... I think it is great to focus on that whenever you can... sometimes we can get so lost in the process that we may even believe the critisism... it is good to have someone to bring us back to reality sometimes to remind us this is an illness, it does effect the way we think, and that in the end we have to accept what we believe to be the route for recovery for us, rather than listening to what a billion other people think we should be doing.

{{{{{sky}}}}}}

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--http://www.idexter.com