[stefano]

OK, now it is 2 weeks.
I do what I have to do, I say what I have to say, I go where I have to go. If I am distracted I can even laugh or say a joke, even if a sting of anguish follows immediately.
It is like a patient boxeur, not striving for the KO, but working on the body to cut off the breath. This is a long distance runner, a vicious enemy.
The feeling of death is overwhelming. I feel as if I am to be executed at the end of the week. So everything seems futile and unimportant, even to feel better! Healing means nothing. Growing means aging.

Definitely not a pleasant situation, so to speak.

I don't use to write poetries, so I'll keep it short:

Here we are, sparks of being,
on the verge of a gaping void.
Will a glimpse of the Absolute
ever relieve my soul?

(not in a religious sense)

[nowheretorun]

sorry you're in pain stefano... what i do is try to remember that even tho things suck, there are SOME things i can do... then doing them gives me a feeling of moving forward, making progress...

we all contribute pieces and parts towards overall healing or the same is true of weakening...

and sometimes things need to decay, so there is space for new growth...

hang in there my friend... i believe it is all a work in progress... the question? what will be the final outcome? me? just trying to do my part for the outcome i decide is best, for me, and for those i love... nothing more...

[kebsfroggy]

Do you think it is that we dread that this year is ending. We have to now face the holidays with smiles and happy faces when we are actually hurting deep inside.

Or do you suppose we dread that there is a new year almost upon us. As with every year before we facing another year right where we are now, nowhere.

Although you may feel that death is your constant companion, be safe my friend.

[Cyran0]

Stefano, I sympathize with how you're feeling. I've been there, going through the motions. I've also read enough of your posts to know that you're a smart guy and you know the drill as far as getting through depressive episodes.

So just know that all the way across the Atlantic is a guy who understands and hopes your skies clear fairly soon.

Oh, and you should consider writing more poetry. That was quite good.

Cyran0

[stefano]

Thank you all people.

Nowhere, you are speaking pure wisdom, but you know how sometimes we become wisdom-proof. This must be one of those times.

Kebs, stay assured nothing will happen here. I'll just stand and take all the blows. Although rationally I consider my existence no big deal at all, I'm bound to stay here.
For me it is more scary the END of the year. I must be still in the phase when you believe you can do better in the next year. Also dreadful is the atmosphere of pause and suspension. Energies unused quickly convert into anguish. Moreover we interrupt our daily routine, and unstructured time is dangerous as well.

Thank you cyran0 for your sympathy. The ocean is just a pool as feelings are fast as light. You see, I only write gloomy poetry, so I wish I had never inspiration. Anyway, thanks for appreciating.