Degree of Tolerance

Up to what point do you tolerate a person for the sake of keeping a good relationship to him/her?

I guess if you can tolerate it without affecting your daily life, sleep, eating habits, etc. then I guess you keep it. Otherwise I would get out.

Actually, I'm probably not the best person to give this kind of advice but I'm here for you.

Um, how does "tolerate, tolerate, tolerate" = a good relationship? Umm?

Hi I am not exactly sure what you mean but I am going to give this a try and see if I am understanding this ....for me I will not tolerate abuse of any kind verbal or physical , name calling and so on....I make it clear I will wait say 15 minutes for those who are habitially late and thats it...I will not put up with people who say that want my help or opinion they shoot me down *not because of the idea but because they had their minds made up before* they asked..I guess I just don't deal with abuse anymore....Can you expound?

Here is a good link about exactly this topic; there is a quiz, and a description about the 5 Conflict Styles. I learned this recently in a Conflict Management course I took this past term:

http://conflict911.com/cgi-bin/links/jump.cgi?ID=5009

Let's see, I had issues with my husband before I was even married (many second thoughts even at that time). We have now been together for 30 years.....& it isn't really a marriage, but there has been tolerance for most of the 30 years. We have now both gotten to the point where there is no more ability for tolerance on either side & the divorce is now in process.

There were always verbal fights.....then things would lighten up.....then things were "just ok", then more fights....for all the 30 years. It might be possible to tolerate for even longer, but it is very trying....& not worth it anymore.

So in reality, the degree of tolerance depends on the person or persons abilities.

Debbie

If there are things going on in your relationship that hurt you and make you unhappy, they need to change or you need to get out. It's easy advice to give, but hard to act on. It's very easy to get complacent & comfortable in a relationship, especially if you've known someone a looonnnggg time.

I don't know if I tolerate my husband or if I'm just too lazy to get up off the couch & do anything about it. I know I would be a better person without my husband around to encourage my cynicism and we're both very lazy about changing ourselves for the better. But his parents are loaded... and he's never raised a hand against me or spoken unkindly towards me, and I give him the same respect - except when I call him a dork, but I try to say it with love. I know a lot of people that are far worse off than us.

LMo, I had taken the quiz and I tend to "Take charge or push my want" in every conflict.

I value many people in my life and I want them to feel happy but completely compromising makes "myself" hate me.

eeeeeeee. i saw the word compromise. i compromised myself and all i stood for in a relationship for 16 years. came out of it a total wreck and if the truth be known, 15 years later i still struggle from what happened to me. what i allowed to happen to me. compromise is okay if it works for you but if it is compromise for compromise's sake...i'd be very, very careful and i'd look down the road about 10 years and ask myself if i was still going to be okay with it. xoxoxo pat

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piggysmile said:
LMo, I had taken the quiz and I tend to "Take charge or push my want" in every conflict.

I value many people in my life and I want them to feel happy but completely compromising makes "myself" hate me.

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Ahhhhh, are you feeling like you are being emotioanlly blackmailed? Check out the title on amazon, Emotional Blackmail.

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LMo said:
Here is a good link about exactly this topic; there is a quiz, and a description about the 5 Conflict Styles. I learned this recently in a Conflict Management course I took this past term:

http://conflict911.com/cgi-bin/links/jump.cgi?ID=5009

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Lmo, Thanks for that, I did the test and came out as a compromiser and avoider - no surprises there then!

Piggysmile,

IMHO toleration is not a big part of a good relationship. In a good relationship you don't feel the need to suppress yourself.

This is not to say that we don't tolerate things about the people we care for, like if they are a noisy eater or something, but if their behaviour upsets us all the time, then there is a lack of balance.

A good relationship means that both people find it good, not just one of them.

Hope things improve for you.

Cheers, M