[sinking]

...is when i finish working and im going home.

i feel so SAD because when i go home i'll be alone and i feel so DISGUSTED because my neighbors are hateful and instead of thinking "great im done working and im going to my little nest and i'll finally relax" i feel bad because its the moment i feel less relaxed because of them. they want me to be quiet but they scream every morning waking me up 1 hour before i would wake up. and i hate hearing them talking or coughing, while i keep silent and i feel kind of trapped in my own home by them.
the silence in my own home is deafening and making me feel SO alone and lonely.

the only good thing is that at least i have this forum. its my only friend…

and at least i have weekends at my parents home and i feel so much better there. and not lonely.
what have i done? what am i doing? everything is crushing me.
im done trying. this was my last option. only death is left now for me.

[Mopey]

[QUOTE=sinking;6453236]...is when i finish working and im going home.

i feel so SAD because when i go home i'll be alone and i feel so DISGUSTED because my neighbors are hateful and instead of thinking "great im done working and im going to my little nest and i'll finally relax" i feel bad because its the moment i feel less relaxed because of them. they want me to be quiet but they scream every morning waking me up 1 hour before i would wake up. and i hate hearing them talking or coughing, while i keep silent and i feel kind of trapped in my own home by them.
the silence in my own home is deafening and making me feel SO alone and lonely.

It's the pits when even your home is no longer a sanctuary.

[Fuzzybear]

Sinking

I feel like my home at where I am now is not that great. It used to be pretty nice but not anymore. My place is still nice, but it's the people that make it bad for me. I, too, dread coming home from work. I have downstairs neighbors that yell and fight with each other and I can hear them all of the time. They are always home and never go anywhere, so I don't get much relief from them. Other than them, I have neighbors when I go to the pool area that are rude.

Have you thought about selling your place and live with your parents until you can find a better place? It's probably a dumb question from me if your work is far away from where your parents are. I am working on selling my place to live somewhere else. I hate to do it, but I feel like I can't stay at where I am. Unless things get better, but it's very doubtful.

Best to you.

[sinking]

Thank you, but… I just moved in!!! i just bought it last month. i cant give it up! not yet at least…

im just so sad, disappointed, frustrated, hopeless.

i have no options left. this is the truth, i have no options. i need to die. i need it.

[mote.of.soul]

@sinking:

No (((hugs))) don't believe putting an end to your life is the best option please, sinking. Just bide your time a day at a time taking care of the essential things and once you get used to living there your spirits will probably begin to lift. Think of it as a learning type of experience, a stepping stone to a more content future.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, sinking Please don't give up. Your life is much more valuable than you think. I understand things are pretty hard for your right now. Try to hang on. We're here for you if you need to talk about it. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. I agree with what all the others have already wisely said better than I ever could. Just try to hang on for a while. Perhaps you'll find a new, better home someday! Try to find some distractions if you can. What do you like to do in your free time? Do you have any hobbies? Just try to ignore your neighbors and focus on yourself. You deserve it. Take some time for yourself if you can. Try to get as much rest as you can. Eat well. I'm glad you're still able to see your parents often. Perhaps when you feel lonely you could try to call them. Perhaps that could make you feel a litte less lonely. I'm so sorry. Please don't give up. I'm here for you if you need it. We all care about you here. We all love you here. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. You know we won't judge you. I promise you that. You're a wonderful person. Stay strong, sinking. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Try to hang on. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[sinking]

I caught myself crying at work. I never cry. Im so... so tired and disappointed and frustrated and sad...

[Thirty shades]

((((sinking))))

I wish I could cry too...........

You are never alone here

[sinking]

Just a few tears on the edge of rolling down... im glad its friday night. Im going at my parents home. I feel so tired but glad I survived the week alone

[Mopey]

Fervent hopes you get some much-needed rest at your parents.

((((((()))))))

Just to share with you -- I did the same G.D. thing when buying my last house. Minute I moved in knew I'd made terrible mistake. Many months horrible anxiety followed. Just so you don't feel like the Lone Ranger....

[mountainstream]

[sinking]

Thanks!

im at my parents and had a pretty good day so far. except for the paperwork bothering me.

and i still feel on the edge of crying when alone in my room. its so NOT like me.
maybe its because i tapered the meds and now i can FEEL my feelings and see my thoughts much more...

still cant see any other option than death in the next future...

[Sunflower123]

I’m so sorry you are having this problem with your neighbors. Sending big hugs and supportive vibes your way. Would ear plugs or white noise give you any peace some of the time?

[sinking]

Thanks! what is white noise? how does it work?

[Rohag]

White Noise -- rumore bianco???

[mikimostar]

[QUOTE=sinking;6454170]Thank you, but… I just moved in!!! i just bought it last month. i cant give it up! not yet at least…

im just so sad, disappointed, frustrated, hopeless.

i have no options left. this is the truth, i have no options. i need to die. i need it.[/QU

https://scontent-ort2-2.xx.fbcdn.net...eb&oe=5CE0EA35

[mikimostar]

Originally Posted by sinking

Thanks!

im at my parents and had a pretty good day so far. except for the paperwork bothering me.

and i still feel on the edge of crying when alone in my room. its so NOT like me.
maybe its because i tapered the meds and now i can FEEL my feelings and see my thoughts much more...

still cant see any other option than death in the next future...

[mikimostar]

Originally Posted by sinking

Thanks!

im at my parents and had a pretty good day so far. except for the paperwork bothering me.

and i still feel on the edge of crying when alone in my room. its so NOT like me.
maybe its because i tapered the meds and now i can FEEL my feelings and see my thoughts much more...

still cant see any other option than death in the next future...

We love you...

If you need someone send me PM. I am opening this forum often.. Keep going..

[mikimostar]

Originally Posted by sinking

Thanks!

im at my parents and had a pretty good day so far. except for the paperwork bothering me.

and i still feel on the edge of crying when alone in my room. its so NOT like me.
maybe its because i tapered the meds and now i can FEEL my feelings and see my thoughts much more...

still cant see any other option than death in the next future...

[sinking]

I cant relax even at my parents'.
i keep thinking i need to do it (sui) soon. but i dont know if i'll have the courage. i could "help it" with the meds, but still…
i have a plan, it just seems so unreal when i truly think about it.
on the other hand, when i think about living, truly living in the next months, i feel so overwhelmed and sui seems so much easier.
i have T on wed. but what can she really do?
i also see my good T on thursday. will it be a goodbye session?
i cant see myself working tomorrow, living through the day…
i only want to curl up on the floor of one of the two Ts and not leave.
i cant see myself at the clinic again.
i dont know what to do. i feel so unsafe. i just want to close my eyes and let myself (or life) go.

[mikimostar]

Please stay with us.. deep breath... deep breath.. please.. ..

[mikimostar]

[Mopey]

Your situation is not hopeless, Sinking. It may seem that way, but it isn’t.

Any chance you could put in an emergency call to your therapist?

[mountainstream]